Is it okay to not have sister as bridesmaid

So you already know there will be consequences if you don’t ask her and that it means something to her to be a bridesmaid, not even MOH. Is a potentially permanent rift worth it? Is there any possibility at all the relationship might become closer again in the future?


All she really has to do is get a dress and stand up with you. She doesn’t have to be involved in any other way if that’s your concern. In your place, barring anything really bad, I’d just ask her. Keeping peace in the family is reason enough.

I don't know. I guess it depends on how much flak you're willing to take if you don't. Like, is this the hill you want to die on? If so, then you're not obligated to ask her. If not, then ask her and keep her involvement limited.

Having said that, I don't love her emotional blackmail about not going if she's not in the wedding party. Is this what she does to get. her own way? Simply because of that, if it were me I'd not ask her because I'm opposed to being manipulated that way.

View Quoted Comment She could have just been venting to her dad and not meant it. In my circles asking any sisters is pretty much the default assuming nothing terrible and to exclude a sister publicly would definitely be noticed. I don’t know. I just think it’s not worth it, especially when there’s so little involved.

Bridesmaids are usually your closest support system, not people chosen to please others that you don’t have a relationship with. It’s not mom’s place to pressure you because she is still in the mindset of weddings from generations past where the couple had zero say in any decision. If you don’t want her standing with you because she is not supportive and she doesn’t want to be there either, both of you will be visibly uncomfortable and that will show in pictures.


Tbh, based on the expectations and experience with our social circles, I was surprised the insistence that some people default siblings and in laws they have no relationships with to be in a role that is for the closest supportive circle. For some people, having a sibling stand with them is a dealbreaker because not all families are supportive or picture perfect and it’s not genuine to pretend they are one day out of their lives. If they do mend fences later, not standing with them at the wedding was not the catalyst for the relationship ending in most cases.

As an estranged sister-served-bridesmaid, after all these years I am still amazed that my sister appointed me the role. The only explanation in my mind, is for the interests of my parents, specifically my mother. This may be a similar scenario. If your mother is funding any part of the wedding, it's certainly wise to consider her wishes. It's a careful balancing act to make sure your day isn't completely hijacked but if you don't expect your sister to set fire to your train or get the junior bridesmaid high in the bathroom, might be worth considering.

Basically what I'm saying is that your mom may be pitching this as an opportunity to bridge the gap between you and your sister. It may not work--certainly didn't with my own sister--but we got through the day and it made my mom happy, who was funding my sister's bill. It's a small price to pay, for a woman who may worry about how her daughters' relationship is going.

Your call in the end, that's just my two cents.

Honestly, I would nix the bridesmaids (increasingly popular) and just focus your wedding day on your baby, your partner and your commitment to your growing family.

It probably would help just to share that you do not yet know what you will do concerning bridesmaids. You should not even select people early since people's situations change. Just say everything is up in the air right now and you will think more about it by the end of the year.

Also, no one should be asked before 6 months before the wedding. The only responsibility that they have is to purchase a dress, host an optional bridal shower if they choose, and show up at the rehearsal and wedding to support you before enjoying themselves at the reception. A quick search of the forum at the top shows that asking the wrong people too early backfires badly with friendships and relationships permanently ended when they are asked to step down.