Inviting kids and elders - yay or nay?

We had an adult only event (no one under the age of 21), due to the nature of the location and event. We had a destination wedding in the French Quarter (New Orleans), and basically every establishment requires you to be 21 to enter. We hosted events during the weekend, which also required everyone to be either 18 or 21. Our wedding weekend was very much a “party atmosphere”, not appropriate for children. Luckily, all our guests with children agreed, and were excited to have a mini vacation away from their kids! Had we decided on a traditional local wedding, guests of all ages would have been invited.

We had our wedding like we want our lives-- child-free.

I don't think I've ever heard of elderly guests being excluded due to age, though I know there's quite a debate on whether kids are invited to weddings or not. My husband and I chose to keep our wedding child-free (with the exception of our ring bearer and flower girl, who left shortly after dinner), and we did not exclude any adults based on their age.

It never occurred to me to exclude elders. I think that’s mostly for those wanting to have a lot of loud music their elders don’t approve of, and that’s definitely not our style!


We weren’t specifically child-free, but we only invited a few children who we were personally close to (and knew would behave). Most potential children on the list would’ve been relatives, and we ended up inviting based on relationship degree and the kids weren’t in those. (The furthest out we went were first cousins, and all those are grown). The few kids there were honorary nieces & nephews or godchildren.

I don’t know where you got the idea that older relatives are commonly “swept under the rug.” Fortunately, that’s not something I’ve ever seen a couple do. It would say something not very nice about those who would. There are some less than admirable people out there, of course, but hopefully they are the exception, not the rule.


Likewise, there are immediate family children at most weddings I attend. It doesn’t have to be all kids or none. Child-free is fine too. I wouldn’t believe everything you read online.

View Quoted Comment I haven’t seen this in real life because older guests are often the last to leave in our experiences, but have read a lot where couples say they want grandparents and parents’ age groups to leave early so they can party in a “relaxed” environment because they feel they have to filter themselves the same as around children, which is not inclusive or polite at all. I was curious if this is really a thing that people do or are they just mean and dramatic?


In our circles, children are seen as an all or none, but some people who don’t have kids are the only time that no children attend, and everyone is respectful of that. But no couple is immune to guests not talking to each other privately about things they feel are inappropriate that the couple is never told about.

I have only seen the exclusion of elderly as an option on reddit. And it's always justified as we want to party and don't want them there since they "bring down the vibe". If grown adults don't want to stay late, they won't. If they don't like the dance music, they will sit for a while and then leave. But to be fearful that your elderly family is going to judge you on music tastes and conversations by other adults is just odd to me.

I also don't like it when couples try to justify not inviting kids other than they don't want them there. There is nothing wrong with just not wanting kids at the wedding, just say that. It doesn't mean you hate them.

There's alcohol, just like at any other establishment. Adults may get drunk, like at other social get togethers at parties and peoples houses. We want the parents to take a night off, they don't need your permission and they can't just stop in the off chance something happens and some parents enjoy time with their kids. The music isn't appropriate, again they are going to hear it if they leave the house. It's not like it's on repeat, and even then it's on the parents to correct or educate the kids.

To play devils advocate, sometimes the reasons you listed really are the reasons people don’t want to invite children. Case in point: there is a particular couple in our extended family who have 4 children. They are very conservative when it comes to their kids (the foods they eat, the movies they watch, the music they listen to, the types of conversations that can be had around them, etc.). The mother has been quite vocal that if a couple invites children to their wedding, then they need to host a wedding that is “appropriate” for all children (ie, there should not be adults getting drunk, no one should be using adult language, music should be child appropriate, etc, etc.). At first I thought she was being an overbearing momster…. But then when I stopped to think about it, I kind of agreed with her. It makes sense for couples to invite guests that are appropriate for their event. So I kind of get why people would want to exclude children because of things like alcohol, music, etc.