Invited to uninvited to invited??

Yes, they did multiple rude things here. Uninviting people, inviting one half of a couple, and inviting someone to a bachelorette without inviting them to the wedding are all very rude things to do. Unfortunately you can't control what they do. I think you have a few options for the wedding itself: 1) have your boyfriend talk to the couple and say he won't come without you; 2) come with him anyway and if anyone gives you a hard time, you can play dumb and say "oh, I thought I was invited!"; or 3) your bf goes alone, which I know sucks and it shouldn't be that way. As for the bachelorette, I don't know. Would you still have a fun time even knowing you may not be at the wedding? Do you still even want to be friends with these people who are excluding you like this?

You did the right thing by being gracious. It's not up to you to lecture or point out the error of their ways. In your BF's place, however, I would tell the couple that he is not "comfortable" attending. Let them figure out that he means out of respect for you.

What they did was, as mentioned, offensive on multiple counts. It's rude to uninvite you, to invite a BF of two years without his partner at all, and to invite anyone to the bachelorette not also invited to the wedding. What does a "scheduling error"mean?

I would send regrets to the bachelorette. I would not just show up at the wedding, though. Two wrongs don't make a right.

OMG so much rude at once. Uninviting you is unspeakably rude and hurtful, especially since your BF is a groomsman. WOW. Then inviting you to the bachelorette? No thank you. You're more than justified in your feelings. I'd decline that party for sure.

In addition, if I were the BF, I'd drop out of the wedding. It's so so disrespectful of your relationship to invite him and not you. That's a hill I would die on, and I would hope my partner would feel the same way.

I wouldn't just show up at the wedding without an invitation, that's rude as well.

The wedding couple here sucks, you can do better in terms of friends.

Thank you for responding. I am comforted by the fact that more people find the situation i am in odd, and validate the way i am feeling. I almost started doubting myself. I have talked to my boyfriend about this issue and he agrees that it is not kind of the couple to uninvite me. We have however not discussed the point of him not attending. Once again i do not want to cause trouble and i feel like him not attending might be to big of a statement? Everyone will obviously know it is about me....

As for the question about the 'schedueling error'. The couple said to me i was not able to attend the wedding because the vendor? (place where the wedding is) told them they should invite less people (but they already sent out the invites months ago) and the couple called this a scheduele error. I don't know in what situation this would happen but it is what they told me.....

I find it really hard to cancel on the bachelorette even though i think it might be the right thing to do. I know i will enjoy myself if i do go, but the invite just feels strange to me. I just question whether they actually want me to be there or if it is just a pity invite. Who would invite someone to a close-circle bachelorette but not to the wedding?

There is nothing whatsoever wrong with them knowing your BF is sorry but would feel uncomfortable attending without you. That sends them two messages, that you are a social unit and that you’re his priority. He doesn’t have to act upset or mad, or make it into a whole statement. He can start by asking if there was some kind of misunderstanding or mistake. Hint. Hint.


I don’t think the bachelorette was a pity invite. I do think this couple is incredibly clueless and inconsiderate. I certainly wouldn’t go to an event celebrating a wedding that I’ve been uninvited from.