Indian Wedding Nightmares

Open beer and wine. Maybe a signature cocktail if you can swing it. You don't have to have a full open bar. This is the second time today (that I've seen) that this subject has come up.

Ahh I should have taken a look at the other discussions. Yeah, they charge so much for alcohol :/ they even charge a lot for just soft drinks! I can def look for beer/wine options. I was also thinking we can do an after party and people can just drink what they want too, but they don't allow alcohol from outside in their hotel.

Do you have a venue that allows you to supply specific alcohol only? If so, I would suggest doing a couple beer options and maybe a signature cocktail with Vodka. Everyone will drink vodka and you can get pretty cheap vodka that you cannot tell the different when mixed in a cocktail. I didn't do wine at my wedding because I like expensive wine and it is too costly to feed good wine to a lot of people. Nobody even noticed it at all!

ETA: oops...I just saw your response to the alcohol policy. Can you cut your budget elsewhere to allow at least beer and wine?

I've done many Indian weddings. The fact that I'm even doing them lets you know that they are non traditional.

Maybe it's time to do something different in your circle?

If you can't afford alcohol, you can't afford three days of 300 guests. It's that simple.

I'm an Indian bride but FH is American. We're just doing a quick traditional western ceremony though. It was kind of a let down to my parents but they understood our decision. Anyway you can make the other two events a little less elaborate and spend the bulk of your budget on the ceremony day? I guess it depends how traditional you want to be, but cutting back some on the other events may allow you to spend more on alcohol the day of. And, in my opinion, if you and FH are footing the bill then you two should have say over how traditional you want it to be. It's so expensive though!

@Celia Yeah, Indian weddings are becoming less and less traditional nowadays. We're trying to keep the ceremony completely traditional, but the reception will be a little less cultural and more elegant.

I am looking at the beer/wine option. I've been in a constant battle with my parents because they're not really into alcohol since they don't drink and so doesn't 200 of my guests. So technically I'm supplying alcohol for 100 people.

@neeners I've had a couple relatives who married non-Indians and their weddings were beautiful and decently priced! Sometimes I wish we didn't have to do all the unnecessary wedding rituals that cost extra money >.<

If the majority of your guests do not drink alcohol, your best bet is probably a consumption bar, where you pay per drink instead of per person. You can still restrict it to beer and wine only for further cost savings.

I'm Indian and FH is not, but we are doing a completely traditional Indian ceremony. We are limiting it to 1 day though and not doing anything else traditionally. Anything the day before (henna, etc.) will be super informal. You do not have to do all of the unnecessary pre-wedding rituals on a grand scale. Seriously, put your foot down, especially since you're paying for it. Honestly, it's somewhat unusual that you and FH are footing the entire bill and are still expected to put on a 3 day show. Traditionally, your parents would be covering most, if not all, of this (not saying they should though).

It's better to properly host your guests for 1 day than improperly host them for 3 days. If I were you, I'd make Day 1 more casual and provide alcohol on at least Day 3. Like others suggested, beer/wine and maybe a signature drink is another good way to cut costs. I get the pressure you're under, but you can only afford what you can afford.

@MayBride

Yeah, unfortunately my FH is in residency so he only has some in savings. I however, am putting enough for the both of us, and his and my parents are splitting the rest but both of them are working class people. So my parents do have a little say on things. I respect their choices, they're a little modern in taste but traditional with rituals if that makes sense.

@Jessi, that sounds like an amazing idea. Thanks a lot!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions!

Girl, I feel for you! I can't even imagine planning a 300 person event.

Since you don't have the funds, I think it's time to buck tradition and have the wedding you really want. I don't think the stress and financial strain is worth it. But good luck!!

My best friend is Indian and had a traditional wedding. I believe they had a limited bar. I only attended 2 days. I think the first day was just close family, the second day I didn't drink so I don't remember of the bar was fully open or just beer and wine. They served lunch after the ceremony in day 3 but I don't remember booze. I am not a big drinker so again I might have skipped it. Cocktail hour was 5 hours later and was open. After that for the dinner reception it was only beer and wine and their signature drinks, and the bar was closed during dinner. There was so much activity and partying I didn't even notice the limited bar. I had no idea it wasn't always open until I started planning my wedding and talked to her about money saving tips. Hope that helps!

I'm Indian and my husband's American, I put my foot down on the whole 300ppl thing. we had 117 people at our wedding and no kids under 13. My cousin's had 450 ppl at her wedding. We had a Sangeet after much arguing about it. I'm glad my parents fought for it cuz we had a great time. Our wedding was open bar and the Sangeet was open bar with domestic and imported beer and plenty of varieties of red, rose, and white wines. Many of the "old traditional indian people" complained about really stupid things. At the sangeet we had four stations North Indian with chicken dishes, South Indian veg, an Italian station and a dessert station with a chef making fresh jalebi's for guests. The complaint was "There wasn't a North Indian vegetarian selection" like seriously wtf. She really had to dig deep for that one. We had food after the ceremony and a 5 course meal served at the reception, still complaints (same person) the vegetarian food wasn't Indian. Even the Indian's that claim to be "modern" are very narrow minded. The American people loved our wedding and events, claiming it was the best wedding ever! You can easily save money by prioritizing here and there. For example don't get Jaimala's that cost $100. The moment you put it on you'll want to take it off so where does $200 go ...in the garbage. You can go to an Indian store and get jaimala's for $15 each or have some people make them. One the plus side, we get to keep our Jaimala's as a keepsake. Rather than do a mandap that costs thousands of dollars, hire a decorator that knows how to do an illusion of a mandap. Our's had a sequined backdrop and arch with crystals it was breathtaking. We also had a gold crushed velvet aisle with chandelier centerpieces (that we reused in the reception). For the other events make your own centerpieces using flowers from your local grocery store. I think serving alcohol at all events is important even if it is beer and wine, Indian people love to drink, (at least the one's I know) If you cut your guest a little you can afford alcohol. Cut programs, we didn't have any and no one noticed. Even with 300 people being your family, you can find people to cut. I agree with Celia, better to host one event properly than 3 improperly. It'll be challenging with the parent's being traditional, but remind them are you doing this for us and our happiness or is this a show for your friends? Trust me your parent's want you to be happy.

My bad it was MayBride that said that not Celia, either way I agree with both of them

Can you do a cash bar?

On a side note, will you be wearing a gown or a sari? My friend Sheba got married in October and it was so cool to see both her ceremony dress and reception sari!

Heather, cash bars are big no-nos.

Can they charge by consumption? If most of your guests don't drink that'll make it less expensive

One of my bms is Pakistani. Her wedding will be very traditional and last like 5 days. Her parents are footing the bill so she pretty much has no say. She did however say she would pay for her dress because she felt bad. Her guest list is like 300 plus. Her marriage was arranged a moving quick! (Her mom put together a party in 2 days of the families agreeing lol)

Hi I saw these responses pretty late haha.

I'm gonna go with big hell no for cash bar. In my opinion, it does looks tacky. And I get what you're saying, November Bride, but I am close to a lot of family and friends from moving a lot =/, and so is my FH. And I've already cut from 450 to 300. Indian weddings are expensive, but it is what it is and we do have to dish out as much as we can. I cut it down from 3 day to 2 day event, so that makes it better! And we also negotiated with the venue for services, because they were going to charge a s*** ton of money for unnecessary things.

I think it's a good idea to charge by consumption. If all 300 people were drinking, then yeah that adds up and would be more expensive than open bar, but if only 100 people are drinking, then that's something I can afford more than an open bar for people who won't be drinking.

And yes Heather, there will be two outfits I would love to share the pics when I actually get them haha.

Hey! If you dont mind, which venue did you pick for the wedding ceremony? I’m getting married this June and there are no venues that could offer outside caterer, big outdoor Indian style decor, Indian bride entries. It’s a tiny details which costs so much.