In laws

Why exactly do you feel pressured to go? Did they financially contribute to your wedding?

It sounds like they want to make their Cruise your honeymoon and go with you. LOL. Tell them that you only have enough PTO for one wedding and honeymoon this year (even if a lie). On a serious note, don't push the clothing as mentioning it will convey they're not good enough to be out in public.

Are you and your FS on the same page about not wanting to go on the cruise? If so, "We're not able to go on the cruise but we hope you have a great time". End of discussion. If they continue to bring it up, have your FS set boundaries and let them know that your decision has been made and you won't be discussing it again.

I would remove the cruise from having anything to do with the wedding. They want to go on a cruise, that's their choice and they want a vacation. Their money is their money and has nothing to do with your wedding.

Don't go on the cruise. I would go with Sarah's wording for telling them you can't go. This needs to be a united front with you and your fiance

As long as their wedding attire from their closet is appropriate for the level of formality for the wedding, that's fine. Not everyone wants to buy new attire

Earlier, I assumed your future in-laws were nicer than they are, but have since re-read your prior post. Set boundaries with bullies. "No" is a complete sentence. They are not entitled to explanations or soft words when they cannot find them themselves.

Can you just be honest with them? Something like, “We are saving our money for our wedding. This is very important to us and we want to use all of our savings for this special day. We are sorry we can’t afford a cruise and a wedding.”

As I said last time you posted about your in laws, there are several issues here. The first is their lack of consideration and sense of entitlement. They can invite you to join them, but they have no right to expect it.


The second is your own level of expectation. Once again, wedding planning and tasks are no one’s job but your own or a paid vendor’s. Likewise what they wear is up to them. If it’s inappropriate, that’s on them, not a reflection on you.
Lastly, once again, where is your FI in all this and why isn’t he standing up for the two of you?

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My fiancee has said something mulitple times but they don't care they keep doing it anyway. Its coming across like they do not even care that their son is getting married at all. No questions asked just saying nobody care all the time. they won't even spend money to stay in a hotel to visit us but will spend 6k on a cruise. there is a lot of lack of self-awarness and cluelessness.

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OP, the best thing for you and your partner is to mentally distance yourself from their expectations, and lack of involvement/ care/ compassion. You and your fiance will be a family yourself and you don't need validation from others. Lots of couples learn their families just don't care. Don't hurt yourself by wondering what you already know. Last, take your mind out of their wallet. Boomers only know how to buy love, and they don't want to with your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Some people simply do not believe that spending a ton of money on a one day party is an intelligent use of savings at this stage of life. Unless the couple is in great financial shape I’m one of them, but this is your business, asked and answered. Our parents contributed but we never had any expectations. We considered the wedding to be our responsibility.


But there’s a difference between that perspective and not supporting the relationship itself. Do you have any reason to believe they don’t approve? Some people also feel that if they are not contributing they have no place to weigh in or be involved.
What they spend on cruises, hotels, clothes etc. is up to them just as what you spend on a wedding is up to you. You can’t count other people’s money. If they are clueless that won’t change, only what you are willing to tolerate. What you can control is how you handle things like demands and any repeated nagging. In FI’s place they’d go on a time out and an information diet.

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I have a few reasons when I got engaged they didn't even say congradulations to me they just said to get married privately and that nobody needs to be there even themselves. I have heard my father in law talk about me badly behind my back before

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Do you know why they are critical of you, or if it's just about spending money on a wedding, or getting married at this time? If they are not supportive of you as a person, that is a whole different issue. Your FI needs to let FIL know in no uncertain terms that at a minimum, they need to be cordial and respectful and if they can't manage to do that they will be seeing a lot less of you both in the future.

They were very nice to me when we were dating and we dated for like 3 and half years before we got engaged and then i noticed a change in them after they proposed they started becoming even more rude. they came into our house and gave both me and my fiancee covid and never asked me how i was doing. they asked my fiancee but I never heard a word from them

I’m confused on the purpose of this post….
The only thought I have is that your in laws can spend money however they please. If you and your fiancé don’t want to go on a cruise with them, then don’t go….

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We have conveyed that several times.... they do not care its like bullying at this point

At this point FI is continuing to give them that opportunity. If he told his parents that he won't be answering their calls or visiting them until they stop, maybe they'd start to take him more seriously. He should have made that clear when he heard his father was criticizing you, too.

Speaking of which do you know why FFIL has been speaking negatively about you behind your back? It seems to me something FI should be clear will not happen again. For one thing, why does he think you'd want to go on a vacation with them under the circumstances?

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I would never want to go on vacation with someone like that

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Exactly. FI should be letting them know that the relationship has previously been damaged by the critical comments and that unless things change on both counts, again, you not only won't be going on any trips with them anytime soon, they can expect to see and hear a lot less from you both.

You and your FI need to get on the same page, and agree on what you want to do. Once that’s done, your FI needs to clearly and firmly communicate with his parents about it. They are his parents, so he needs to stand up for the two of you in this. If he can’t, this won’t get easier as you try to stand up for them in the future.