In law trouble

In the eyes of your family you will be a married couple of five years by that point. Your wedding, however modest or small it might have been, took place the day you were married. At this point you'd be celebrating a wedding anniversary, or a vow renewal, not your wedding day. And some people don't share the belief that vows can or should be renewed.

I can understand feeling disappointed if your husband's family didn't offer any help when it was your turn. Like you, perhaps they are in a better position to help now than they were four years ago. Or, perhaps they didn't have a choice in the matter because you eloped or did your own thing. If so, most likely they think you made your choice four years ago.

I don't think the time has passed to have a party, but I would not rely on anyone but yourselves and most definitely would not ask. I like the idea of a beautiful trip, just the two of you but it's ultimately your call.

I think a couple things come into play here.

1. As you stated, you are already married. So parents are less likely to contribute since you are an established married couple, and it's not "traditional" for parents to contribute to a vow renewal.

2. Parents will a lot of times adhere to the old school traditions; such as the parents of the bride contribute financially to the wedding (not so much parents of the groom).

I know its difficult not to compare or to be disappointed when you see your in-laws seemingly more excited for SIL's wedding, but I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they are likely thinking in the above terms. I would just focus on the excitement of planning your vow renewal celebration with your husband! Having this experience and sharing it with your friends and family is obviously important to you both if you are still excited to do it 5 years later, so I would continue planning and know that everyone is going to have a great time celebrating with you!

I think you should take a honeymoon trip instead. Your vow renewal isn’t going to create the same excitement as a wedding. I fear you will be disappointed in your husband’s family’s reaction and feel bitter. Avoid it by spending time away on a romantic trip.

I'm kind of confused as to why you didn't ask for/take their money four years ago when you got married, but you want them to help out now when you've saved up money for a renewal? Maybe they think if you didn't want it then you won't want it now? Maybe they were hurt that you didn't include them then and so they aren't going to offer now?

I think I would just go on a trip with my spouse, and have a renewal ceremony for the two of us.