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Super December 2021

i was the random plus one

Casey, on February 8, 2020 at 6:41 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 24
Throughout my time here on WW I have seen topic after topic about plus ones and the rules/etiquette surrounding them. I know this story probably won't change any minds but it's just food for thought for those who are conflicted or wondering what to do!


I see people often say "I don't want random plus ones" when discussing the issue. Well, at one point, that was me. My now fiance and I had been dating less than a month when his best friend was getting married. His invitation wasn't plus one. It was "to [name] and [name]" with the second being his now ex girlfriend. Since then, they split up and we got together. Since the original RSVP was 2 yes', and therefore it wouldn't affect headcount or food budget, he asked if me could bring a date. His BRAND NEW girlfriend. Like 2 weeks. They had every right to say no, it wouldn't have broken etiquette or anything, but they said yes.
We hit 4 years next week and are getting married this year and here's the thing: we see these people (large group of friends) almost every single month and some months more than once! They are people who witnessed my engagement, will be at my wedding, who we see so often. I wouldn't have held it against them in the slightest not to have allowed me, but they did, and now I'm in pictures at their wedding and they'll be in ours.
So, you never know the legitimacy of another person's relationship, and the rules like "not living together" or "under 6 months" may mean excluding someone who might be close to you someday. Just tossing my story out there, for the conflicted people.

If you ever watched How I Met Your Mother it reminds me of season 5, episode 18 "say cheese" where they show Ted inviting Lily into their photo lol.

24 Comments

Latest activity by Casey, on February 11, 2020 at 5:42 PM
  • K
    Expert October 2020
    Katie ·
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    This is beautiful and I completely agree with you. Everyone that I have invited wether they are single, dating or married received a plus one at my wedding. I did not want someone to feel uncomfortable showing up by themselves. At least if they could bring a friend or whatever they will at least have someone to hang out with. Just my thought. It is not for me to judge someone.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Cute story and true. I think usually brides limit random us ones more due to budget not because they don't want a random person at their wedding.
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    I completely agree- it's just way more comfortable when you aren't alone!
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    That's true, and totally understandable! I just know some people say they don't want "random people" at their wedding.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    You know, yeah, I feel some Brides can be Very particular. I know there are times that I have been single and Brides have allowed me to at least bring a friend. I would just say if someone is in the wedding party and you don't want their significant other at the time of your wedding pictures, I can logically see that because some relationships don't last but like you said in your case. Sometimes those relationships do Go the Distance.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Aww I love this!! And I completely agree with you. We will be giving every unmarried guest a plus one. The way I see it, if they are being invited
    to my wedding then they are special to us. And if they want to bring someone to our wedding, then obviously that person is special to THEM. Far be it from me to judge how important a relationship is to someone else- that’s for them to judge. And I figure you aren’t going to invite someone to a wedding that’s just a booty call lol
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Makes sense, and it’s really sweet that it worked out that way for you!



    I invited everyone who had an SO with their boyfriend/girlfriend, even if they weren’t that serious. Though actually, most of the couples who did bring their SOs were pretty serious anyway... but I still would’ve invited the SO even if it was a new relationship.

    I didn’t just give “plus ones” because that wouldn’t likely have worked out like your story... like I feel like most people would’ve either (1) not brought anyone (2) just brought one of their friends (3) brought a “date.” But like there’s a difference between a “date” vs a new girlfriend. I wouldn’t make a rule like “you have to be living together” or “you have to be together for x amount of time,” but I do feel like the line for me was being an actual denoted SO versus a date. Even if she’s only been a girlfriend for a week, that’s fine! But if she’s not serious enough to even call her your girlfriend she’s not serious enough to come.

    Just my opinion! 🤷🏻‍♀️
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  • Kiara
    VIP August 2021
    Kiara ·
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    Understandable my cousin is my maid of honor & wants2invite her new friend but idk but I told her I wanna meet him 1st to see what he's about them I will decide.

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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Yeah, plus I think it's normal to let them bring the date but not include them in wedding party pictures. That's wedding party only, honestly, I wouldn't even expect a bridesmaids husband or groomsmans wife to be included.
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Haha I mean I hope not but.. 🤣
    We're definitely doing plus ones because we both have anxiety and understand how hard it can be if you're alone.
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Totally get that! My point was just that, had he been single at the time of invites and not be given a plus one, that I couldn't have gone because we started dating less than a month from the wedding.


    It is 100% the choice of the B&G and I don't judge anyone, but I wanted to share my story for any conflicted deciders. Smiley smile
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    I do think new friend and new boyfriend is a tough call! I hope you guys get to a decision and everyone is happy 💖
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  • Ellen
    Dedicated September 2020
    Ellen ·
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    Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
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  • Ellen
    Dedicated September 2020
    Ellen ·
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    Same. This was important to us, and we found other areas to save in order to afford this. If someone is invited to our wedding, it is because we love them, and we want them to be happy with us at the weddings
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Totally get that! It’s a really sweet story and I’m glad it worked out like that for you Smiley smile
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  • Kiara
    VIP August 2021
    Kiara ·
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    Yes cuz at the end of the day i dont want her always referring to my special day as a mess if things dont go right with them.. But if it does thats great but i just am iffy
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    I completely agree 😊
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Thank you 😊
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Hopefully She wouldn't do that! I can definitely say I've attended events with my ex's but I don't remember the events unfondly just because we aren't together anymore. But I know that isn't the case for everyone and it should be a bummer for her to remember it that way Smiley sad
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  • Loren
    Devoted October 2020
    Loren ·
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    We are extending a plus one to all of the single people on our guest list. I think anything else would be rude. We've budgeted for them so it doesn't really matter to us if you've been married for 10 years or you met the day before Smiley smile

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