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Just Said Yes May 2025

i was her moh but…

User1525, on March 29, 2024 at 5:32 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

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Hi everyone,

I’m facing quite a predicament and I’m hoping you can help.
I was a friend’s MOH last year. I know her since kindergarten but we weren’t all that close growing up, only started hanging out in the pst 5 years when we both moved to the same city. I was initially shocked to be asked at all considering I didn’t think I was her closest friend and she has a cousin whom she calls her “sister” and sees regularly. I accepted because I didn’t want to let her down and went above and beyond her many lists of tasks for me. During this time, I was treated quite poorly by her and a few people commented on it. It was as if I was an employee rather than a friend. I was hurt and shocked by her behaviour and it caused me a lot of stress. I distanced myself a little since but she continues to refer to me as her best friend although she never asks to meet up, calls or never made any effort with me since my dad fell I’ll last year, not even a phone call.
However, I am now engaged. I have one sister and two very close friends who have been there with me through a lot in life, despite only knowing them 10 years. I want to ask them to be bridesmaids but I know the other girl will be so upset and shocked. I don’t want to seem mean but it wouldn’t make sense to me to ask her only because she asked me.
I know another friend since before kindergarten and I was thinking of asking them both if they would like to say a prayer/reading in the church and since I can’t have everyone as bridesmaid (for financial reasons and the groom only wants 3 groomsmen)
Can I have some feedback please? Am I being mean? Is this the right approach? Please help.

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Gordon, on April 1, 2024 at 8:26 PM

Rockstar January 2024
Andrea · on March 29, 2024 at 1:24 PM
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There’s no rule that you have to have someone in your wedding just because you were in theirs. I was bridesmaid for someone I didn’t even invite to my wedding because they were years apart and we’d fallen out of touch. Your plan sounds nice. I had one friend I’d been MOH for be a reader, and she was very happy to be involved but also didn’t expect to be a bridesmaid because we weren’t as close as we had been.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on March 29, 2024 at 1:55 PM
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She doesn't have to be your MOH just because you were hers. It sounds like that was a bad experience for you. I would make your sister the MOH to avoid choosing between friends. Hopefully she'll understand since it's a blood relative. But it's also OK if you have one or two more bridesmaids than your fiancé has groomsmen. Sides don't have to be even.

As for asking the two friends to do a reading, you have to know the crowd. To some, it may come off as a consolation, like "I don't want you to be a bridesmaid so do this instead." If she won't see it as an honor, then don't bother.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 29, 2024 at 8:46 PM
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Roles are not reciprocal. The previous bride is not your friend because real friends don’t treat each other the way she did/does. Don’t include her in your wedding party, and I would be hesitant to invite her as a guest for the same reasons.

As for the others, pick your closest innermost social circle. Who are the ones you call first to celebrate a milestone in your relationship with your fiancé and are supportive of that relationship? Don’t ask random acquaintances you have no relationship with (including siblings and in laws you are not close to) just to please parents. 10 years is a long time to know someone. Some people are closer to a best friend they’ve known for only a year or less than people they have known their entire lives so there is no set in stone rule because only you know how close you are to those people.
Not personally a fan of asking random guests to read a passage because many people are not comfortable with public speaking and being put on the spot in that situation is not an honor if they will be uncomfortable. Being a guest is a huge honor on its own, and not everyone enjoys being a bridesmaid.
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