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L
Beginner August 2024

i want a fun wedding!

Lkn, on March 17, 2024 at 5:46 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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Ok so I am very much a goofy, playful, outgoing person who was a stage actress my whole life. Thankfully (most of) my bridesmaids are the same and so is the groom. BUT. The groomsmen are very introverted, traditional men who I can't see being fun or goofy for wedding photos or the video. We hired the videographer to film our wedding like an episode of The Office and my fiance is saying there is no way we are going to get his friends to do funny sketches or sarcastic Dialogue that isn't genuinely their vibe or words. I'm also worried we won't get any fun pictures, it'll be standard triangle groomsmen photos and straight line hands in pockets kind of pictures. My fiance doesn't seem comfortable telling them we want otherwise, or standing up to them in general about this, he seems to get nervous when I bring it up. So do I let it go and focus on having fun with my girls and groom and deal with the fact that the groomsmen won't be in the video commentary or fun pics? Or do I put my foot down and tell my fiance it's important to me and he needs to tell them, or do I reach out and gently and kindly tell them myself that it's important to us?
Thanks in advance 🥰

15 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on March 23, 2024 at 12:02 AM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I'm not sure why you'd want the groomsmen to put on a performance for the day. That sounds exhausting and time consuming. Sounds like your FI isn't OK with this either when it comes to his groomsmen. I'd rethink this honestly.

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  • D
    Dedicated May 2024
    Dani ·
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    I agree with Jacks that the Office themed idea may be asking a lot of the groomsmen. While I think it’s hilarious, if they are not on board then they shouldn’t be pressured. They’re there to support your fiance and celebrate with you, not act as props.


    Maybe you could do a mini version of the sketch with the bridesmaids and the groom if they’re all up for it.
    I understand your concern about the look of the groomsmen/ wedding party photos being too stiff, but ultimately if you don’t like them you don’t have to frame them over your mantle or anything. These are important people in your fiance’s life, and they are the way they are.
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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    Are you casting a production or having people who are important to your fiancé standing up with him on a special day? I hope it’s the latter, and if that’s the case you should be accepting of who your future husband’s best friends are. You can let them know what your plan is and that you’d love for them to participate in the funny stuff, but if that’s not their thing then it’s completely fine. And then — this is the tough part — accept what they choose.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Don’t ask this of anyone, please, period. It’s inappropriate. As PPs say it’s a wedding not a stage performance. The wedding party are close friends or relatives, not props and the title of bridesmaid or groomsman is an honor you give those close to you, not a job. Last but not least, your guests are a captive audience there to see you get married, they didn’t buy tickets to a show.



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  • C
    CM ·
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    Also, your profile says you are asking all guests to wear white. That is inappropriate too, for the same exact reasons.
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  • L
    Beginner August 2024
    Lkn ·
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    I've seen plenty of people request that their guests wear all black so they stand out in the pics in their white wedding dress? So it's fine then but inappropriate when the colors are reversed?
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  • L
    Beginner August 2024
    Lkn ·
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    Thank you all for your advice, ill just focus on having fun with the people who are into it and let everyone else do their thing!!
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  • L
    Beginner August 2024
    Lkn ·
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    You're right! All of my bridesmaids and FI are huge office fans so I'm sure I'll get plenty of good stuff with them. Thank you!
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  • L
    Beginner August 2024
    Lkn ·
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    Both? Lol! I want a fun video to look back on that is something we are HUGE fans of and as far as the pics I'll just let my FI plan what him and his groomsmen do. Thank you!
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Neither is at all appropriate regardless of what you may have seen done by those who are equally misguided. Your guests are not props.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    It comes across as overly controlling to dictate what all of your guests wear. The only people you really have any say over is the wedding party. It's not really fine, even though social media says otherwise.

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  • C
    CM ·
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    Also, "plenty?" In person? I find that hard to believe, unless this has somehow become a big trend in your social circles. I've been to tons of weddings all over the US and beyond and never once were guests requested to dress according to a theme or color of any kind.

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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    Not everyone are performers. I would let everyone be who they are and not put pressure. Your wedding is really between you and your partner, so I would just respect your partner and their relationship to their close friends.

    As for white-clad guests, this is a giant ask. Despite substandard fast fashion availabity, it is a chore to even find a white dress that isn't see through and worth the money. Males may even come in white shorts if trying at all. Accept that not all guests will adhere to your guidelines or may even choose to decline the invitation.

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  • J
    Savvy April 2023
    Jenni ·
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    Yeah, nothing says “goofy” and “playful” better than dictating what colour your guests wear (and an impractical, largely unflattering colour at that). So fun!!!
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Your attendants are not props or models for a music video. Some people have extroverted theatrical personalities and others are the opposite. Your wedding is not the time or place to make a production of those people or intentionally make people uncomfortable to fit a specific aesthetic. The latter is the opposite of what etiquette is because etiquette is making sure that people are comfortable, and not awkward or uncomfortable in any way.!
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