i hated my wedding

I’m so sorry. I know how much hard work goes into planning a wedding, and how disappointing it can be when things out of your control veer off track.
Unfortunately, what’s done is done; that cannot be changed. So I think the first step in healing is recognizing all the positive things of the day. Write them all down. Those are the only things you need to think of from now on when it comes to your wedding. Next, determine what IS within your control now. If you want another shot at your “perfect wedding”…. You can have it!! You can start planning a vow renewal for, say, your 5 year anniversary. I know that seems forever away right now, but trust me, it goes fast!! And it will allow you plenty of time to plan and save money. And this time get a wedding coordinator so you don’t have to rely on friends/family to handle important aspects. You can relax knowing a professional is handling it.
Another option is planning a romantic elopement for just you and your hubby. Go somewhere beautiful and fantastic; even if just for a long 4 day weekend. You can exchange vows, have a photographer get epic photos (check out wedding adventure photos!), and have fun all weekend. Make new memories! And bonus: throwing yourself into planning can be exciting, and distract you from hyper-focusing on the event that has already passsed. It can take you out of the past, get you present, and have you looking forward to the future!

I’m so sorry that so much went wrong. I actually somewhat agree with your sentiment about marrying your partner is all that matters. OF COURSE that’s the most important aspect, but it is a lot of time, money, and effort going into these events. Couples should be allowed the space the stress in the lead-up and feel disappointment when things don’t go as planned. No event is perfect, of course, but there’s definitely a spectrum that can be anything from they started the procession music too early to we got rained out to a drunk groomsman knocked over our cake to the photographer just didn’t show up. And worse.


From your post it sounds like you maybe had friends and family rather than professionals filling some of these roles? If so, I would give them some grace because they aren’t professionals and likely have limited experience pulling off an event of this scale. If anyone else is reading this for future planning, this is why it is strongly recommended to have at least a day-of coordinator if you can find it within your budget to do so. Just let your guests be guests.
OP, I’m sure you’re sad right now, but try to make a list of things that went well and that you enjoyed, in addition to officially being married to your partner. Did you get some beautiful photos? Did you get to see family you haven’t seen in a while? Did your lime green cake taste amazing? Your photographer can edit out the green on your dress, and your guests might not have even noticed the music being off. Enjoy time with your new spouse and maybe hire a photographer and do a fun photo session together for your first anniversary to get some of those photos you missed out on!

I'm sorry to hear that. I agree with Cece though. You can have a do-over in the form of a vow renewal. Next time though, hire professionals to take care of take care of details.

Also like Cece said, try to focus on the positive and make new memories with your new spouse! It also might be worth it to explain you frustrations to the people involved. Did you get your necklace back?

I'm so sad things didn't work out for you! Were these professionals that failed so badly? I would try to get your money back if you can. If they weren't and you were relying on friends and family, yeah that can happen. We've seen it here before with self-catering and a lot if DIY,

I would focus on the positive, and try to remember that these people weren't obligated to help at your wedding. Focus on being grateful for everything that went well. Congrats on being married!

Thank you so much for your responses! It does make me feel better. We will be redoing at some point, to some extent. (I'm queen of the do-over😅) the photos have turned out amazing so far. (One of the few parts I had control over🤣)
I do feel the garish memory of that awful processional will haunt my dreams for the rest of my days. I just want to fast forward to the part where this is all aa funny memory🤪🤪. Venting here has helped. Thanks again. 💚💙

View Quoted Comment This was so great to read! “Queen of the do over”…. YAAASSSS 👏🏻👏🏻
And don’t worry, you WILL look back and laugh some day! Our first attempt at our wedding… things went just as badly as yours! So badly that we flew home from our destination wedding…still not married (officiant didn’t show up)! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I literally walked down the aisle with NO makeup (allergic reaction to the stuff the makeup artist used)… laughing! It was just so preposterous, I had to laugh 😂 The good news is, my fiancé and I are able to remember the great moments, and we’re excited to be planning our “do over” courthouse ceremony this Fall!

I am so sorry your wedding day was far less than you had hoped. I am sorry your friends really let you down. I hope you can forgive them at some point…Give yourself some time to heal from this and try not to burn any bridges while you are so upset. I am glad you posted your disappointments. I am sure you are not alone in “less than perfect”….”disastrous” wedding day experiences.

View Quoted Comment We will definitely do our best to laugh. It's basically a comedy special at this point.🤣 thank you for responding! Hearing other ridiculous wedding stories is making me feel much better😅

So sorry you had a horrible wedding day. Not That it matters but we hired a wedding planner for this exact reason

There isn't anything you can do about the day because it's over. First, I'm so horribly sorry that everyone let you down. I imagine the anger is probably truly sadness so many let you down and you thought everything was covered.
You do get to choose now though how you want to continue to feel about how you look back on the day and how you move forward with these people in your life. If you don't want to stay angry it helps to focus on positives. The things you did love about the day, maybe a project to focus on from the wedding? i.e. Preserving the flowers into a craft, something with the wedding photos, your dress, etc. Since your dress for dyed green have you thought about a gorgeous vibrantly colored trash the dress photo shoot?! Maybe one that could get out your frustration about the day? Maybe a rage room type deal outside? Use an ax, jump in a river or lake? Colorful smoke bombs etc? Hubby may want to join in to for some sweet kissing pics in your beautifully colorfully trashed dress?! 😆 A food fight with any leftover cake? Even if just for cute pics?

Consider planning We Do Re-Do on your one year or other milestone anniversary.
As for the people - good opportunity to dump the ones you don't really care about anyway. A “friend” purge is healthy! The ones you do want in your life - think about expressing how you feel without being angry or harshly accusatory. You should always be able to express how you feel to loved ones. If you do it appropriately and they don't apologize or validate your feelings - you should reconsider whether they deserve to be a part of your life or not. Getting that off your chest and each person explaining where they misunderstood or miscommunicated or just apologize for flat out screwing up and explaining what you each wish you could have done better if you could do it over may really help!
So I know you're angry but in the end the fact that you married the love of your life is the happiness you can focus on to help you move forward. That's why everyone is telling you that. 💜

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It's an interesting idea, ending friendships with people that have been a disappointment in the execution of the wedding. I would counter that the responsibility of the wedding events lies squarely with the wedding couple, and not with the guests.

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Unless the friends were maliciously sabotaging OP's wedding, I don't think it's fair to blame them. They may have been distracted by the party, as they are really guests and not hired workers. Managing unpaid workers is really hoping for good volunteers, and even those trusted do make mistakes.

OP, some brides put a heavy emotional weight on the processional. I do think it's movies that heighten the big reveal of some immaculate flower. Ask your spouse what they were thinking when your eyes met. They may have not heard mistakes in the music or cared about any guests in the room. I hope it eases your perspective. My spouse was thinking I had lipstick on my teeth, among other things (I laughed it off, nothing is perfect). It didn't stop him from tearing and living in the moment with me.

Happy congratulations on your marriage.

Hi there- I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you on such a special day. I understand you can’t get this day back. I would say allow yourself time to process your emotions and then have individual conversations with those involved so they can understand how you feel. I’m sure everyone loves you and will understand and respect your feedback.


Also, maybe next year you and your husband can plan a destination anniversary and invite selected amount of people to join you both if you choose.
Just a few thoughts. Again so sorry this happened and I wish you all the happiness!

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Dumping friends and family from your life because their unpaid labor wasn't good enough isn't reasonable. Ultimately, OP and her husband chose not to pay professionals and instead relied on the kindness of their friends/family to perform these tasks for them. It's completely understandable to be disappointed that things didn't go as planned, but the people who were trying to do them a favor do not deserve this level of blame.

View Quoted Comment True, it doesn't. We couldn't afford one.

I do think it needs to be clarified that we did not hire professionals because we could not afford them. Everyone With a task on the wedding day was asked ahead of time with the understanding that they can say no. That I would much rather them say no to me , then say yes and not do it correctly.


I also provided instruction written down as best I could. Although i did not write down everything. For example, I did not tell people they had to physically put out the food after it was made. I assumed things like that would be automatic. That part is on me.
What upset me the most is that the bridal party. And people helping chose to do things differently than we discussed. The music they played during the professional was not approved by me. They made the choice to blast the loud music without talking to me. I spoke with figal who was decorating my cake and let her know what I wanted. Then took liberties I want an entirely different route.
I also think dumping friends because they made a mistake is dramatic. I also never said I would do that. It Just really upset me that they would go so far off. Script when they know what a type-A bride I am.

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This is precisely why couples should never ever ask or expect friends and family to work at their weddings. OP, I truly am sorry that your wedding was a letdown for you. Your friends and family probably never wanted to be your "unhired help" but they felt bad and didn't want to tell you no.

A wedding didn't have to be anything more than a license, the couple and someone licensed to perform the union.

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Aww, Tess. I feel for you. And like Peyton wrote, many people hate or are disappointed in their weddings for many different reasons. Lots are traumatized to an extent. I will be the contrarian here though and recommend to not do a do-over. Wedding planning has to end sometime and recreating it puts too much energy into a sad past and an anxious future simultaneously. It's not living in the present. I hope with time, you can process your sadness or anger and start your marriage. This is meant to be the pinnacle of the whole rigmarole. I wish you the best.

View Quoted Comment Different people like different things! Each couple is unique! And a simple ceremony was just not for us anyway🤣. We had a themed wedding. Complete with costumed guests and wedding party! Our get together was about celebrating together in an enchanted fantasy forest. Everyone playing dressup together! The people involved were all LARPers and fantasy nerds who loved the idea of a hobbit feast at an elf wedding. I had elf ears! (My wings broke before I could walk down the aisle tho. Bummer) so no simple wedding for us. Wouldn't have made us happy. And though many things went wrong day of, we still have our beautiful photos that never would have happened with a simple traditional ceremony. I do love the idea of a we-do re-do that we'll take care of ourselves at some point. I do love a good do-over!


I really appreciate all the helpful and supportive advice the responders have provided. Overall I do feel better.
Thanks again everyone!