i don't want to invite my bridesmaid's boyfriend to our wedding

So, etiquette wise, unless he's violent, racist or homophobic, your own opinion of him is not relevant here. Basically not inviting him is rude, and disrespectful to their relationship. If you don't invite him, my guess is that she won't attend either. It will likely risk your friendship, at least in the short term. Just some things to consider.

While I completely understand your negative opinion of him, not inviting him would be poor etiquette on your part (and honestly, just not being a good friend to your bridesmaid ). All established couples should be invited together. Also, none of the behaviors you listed warrant concern for his behavior at your wedding (such as potential for violent behavior, disruptive outbursts, threats to your guests, etc.). Not inviting him will only reflect poorly on you, and potentially strain/ruin your relationship with your friend. You will be so busy that day, and surrounded by so many loved ones, you probably won’t even notice he’s there. I would do the proper thing and invite him.

If they get married, would you be okay with her not inviting your husband? Probably not. Her long-term relationship is her choice. It would be very rude (and most likely a friendship ender) not to invite him.

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I agree with this, though some etiquette sources still stand by the married, engaged or living together rule. I would not have a personal issue with excluding the guy on the grounds that you don't trust him, the behavior is consistent with his personality, and you really are concerned about him at the wedding, but know that you risk the friendship.

Is he violent and/or dangerous towards her and others? If he is not, and you don’t like him with no valid reason, then it looks bad on you. It’s disrespectful to ask someone to celebrate your relationship and not acknowledge theirs. If you choose not to invite him, be prepared that she will not attend either and your friendship will not last as a result.

Do you think he would do something unsafe at your wedding? Would he start a fight, arrive intoxicated, etc.? If so, you could hire security and/or alert the bartender and let them know to keep an eye on him. If you're worried about his driving, you can offer to arrange an Uber or something for her, so he doesn't have to drive her home (but the key word is offer, she can still turn that down). That's about the best I can think of.


Beyond that, though, long-term couples have to be invited together. If you don't invite him, she may want to end the friendship. Just enjoy the day with her. The bride and groom don't get much time with guests, so you'll barely have to even see him or talk to him at all.

In addition to what was listed above about what the etiquette says, you might consider your friend in the future. If he turns out to be abusive, even emotionally abusive, she’s going to find it hard to talk to people who might tell her “I told you so.” She needs a friend who will say “I love and support you, no matter what.” She’s already got people in her life telling her they disapprove of the guy. Be the one who doesn’t insult him, and instead listens quietly about him and then only offer opinions about how wonderful she is and that he should recognize that. Sometimes people just need the lack of judgment to come to the realization themselves that this isn’t good or healthy.