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S Mau
Savvy October 2022

i could write a book

S Mau, on September 27, 2022 at 3:13 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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I don’t know what to do. At first my fiancé was agreeing with me and now it’s like he talked to someone and they changed his mind. To preface his sister whom I’ve met multiple times is going through some tv level drama. Leaving her husband. Went down to FL to talk to an old fling he didn’t like the conversation and ended up eating metal. Now she seems traumatized but has a whole new bf anyway. But now for some reason isn’t able to bring her two children to our wedding alone and wants to bring the new guy. I said one of my sisters wasn’t going to be able to make it. A sister for a sister. We both agreed meeting him at our wedding wasn’t the time or place for how weird that will be. But now he acts like her missing the wedding is a huge deal. When we can just see her at camp which we do every summer. I’m at a loss. Am I being unreasonable ? His brother who also has his own problems is gonna be there and he took money from me. Money I never saw or got an apology for. I’m afraid his family is gonna make the day about their issues and not about our union as a couple. And I’m afraid he will let them. He’s a push over when it comes to his family.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on September 29, 2022 at 5:30 AM
  • A
    Devoted November 2022
    Allaura ·
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    I think having a sister at your wedding is very different from just seeing them at camp. A wedding is an event, something that doesn’t happen every year. I think if he’s upset about it you guys should try to find a way for her to be there. Maybe you guys can meet the new guy over FaceTime or something prior to the wedding.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I don't understand what you mean a sister for a sister, but if he's her boyfriend then he should definitely be invited regardless of whether you have met him or not. It's not right that you are expecting her to come.abd celebrate your relationship while disregarding her relationship. I think you need to reconsider your stances and allow him to attend.
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  • Melinda
    Expert March 2022
    Melinda ·
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    It’s his sister and if they are in a relationship they are considered a social unit meaning both should be invited. I urge you to lay down your judgements and really listed to your fiancé.
    Believe me, I got crap luck on sister in laws (think narcissism, alcoholism, and physically grabbing me the second time I met her) and we actually no longer speak to her, HOWEVER I did let my dh know that if he really needed there we would invite her and take the proper precautions (ie alerting our security guards). We agreed together it would be best if she did not come. I couldn’t take that choice away from him.
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  • S Mau
    Savvy October 2022
    S Mau ·
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    I don’t want temporary people at my wedding. In my photos is I’m not going to see them again and they aren’t important to me
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    He doesn't have to be in your photos and it's awfully harsh and rude of you to assume that her boyfriend is only temporary.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    His sister (family) has asked to have her person at the wedding. She's in a relationship and you need to invite him. Also wow, she's had a lot of trauma in the last little while, maybe cut her a break. He doesn't need to be in photos.

    If he doesn't get invited, and it turns out he's permanent, everyone will always remember that you didn't invite him. Awkward family dinners forever.

    If you invite him and he attends and they break up, you'll hardly remember even seeing him.

    Which do you want?

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  • S Mau
    Savvy October 2022
    S Mau ·
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    I just rather not have this random person at my wedding I don’t know. It’s not about new relationships. It’s about me and him. Not her. I’d rather be known for the bride who didn’t want a stranger at her wedding than the bride who let anyone come and pay for them
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  • Melinda
    Expert March 2022
    Melinda ·
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    It seems like you’ve already made up your mind, so no advice necessary.
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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Oye this is a hard one and while I do understand not wanting people you don't know at your wedding please remember its not just your wedding and if your partner wants his sister there and is ok with inviting this guy I would just let it happen. As others have stated he doesn't need to be in any photos and chances are you ll be so busy that day you ll probably not even notice him but if it makes you fiance happy its probably well worth it. Best of luck to you!

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Yeah, I was going to try to give advice, but it doesn’t seem as though the poster really wants any advice. Seems more like she is fishing for people to support her inconsiderate decisions 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Ok well good luck on your search for people to validate your decision. I honestly hope it works out for you, and your FI can be OK with that.

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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    No one wants "random" people at their wedding who they haven't met/don't know well, but unfortunately sometimes with significant others you just don't have that opportunity to meet and get to know them before the wedding.

    If this person is your future SIL's new partner, you have to accept that they are a social unit whether or not you have yet been properly introduced.

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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    After the wedding is said and done, you won’t remember the “random” people who were at the wedding, but you will remember friends and family happily celebrating with you. Etiquette calls for inviting significant others, which would include this sister’s new boyfriend. While this guy may or may not still be around down the road, your FH’s family and sister will be, and they will remember how they were treated. It is not worth creating a rift over one guest that would be expected to be invited. Sometimes winning a fight is knowing when to pick your battles!
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Sounds like you have anxiety your FI's family will disrespect your wedding. But, you don't counter that with more disrespect like judging other relationships as temporary or reducing people to the cost of their plate. You can't control everything, just yourself. Start your new life with your new family on a positive note.

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    I mean it sounds as though you made up your mind already so I don’t know why you’re asking advice. It seems you just want people to validate your decision and your decision is inconsiderate so this might not be the place to talk about it. Because people will tell you what they think and so far everyone agrees your decision is rude
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