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Just Said Yes September 2020

How to remind my manager of a wedding gift he promised?

Sarah, on October 1, 2020 at 9:00 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 31

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I have a friendly as well as professional relationship with my boss and my manager. My manager came to my wedding, while my boss did not because he was older and we are living in covid times.

Before the wedding my boss called to congratulate me and told me that he would send a gift through my manager who is attending.
My manager did not give me a gift at the wedding. But he called me afterwards to let me know that he will give me the wedding gift at a lunch meeting. We were pretty busy that day and did not get to talk in person. In the end, he was rushing to leave for another meeting. So I did not get the gift and he said nothing afterwards about that.
I want to remind him that I did not receive the gift but I don’t know how. It’s a gift so I am okay if I do not get it; and I am certainly not going to cause unhappy feelings at work for this.
But I feel I should point out because it has happened before that my manager would tell me that he is going to send an email or task to me and then forget to do so, while thinking that he has done it because he mistook the memory of the conversation for the actual sending/telling me.
I tried to mention to my manager about the wedding in passing and that did not prompt him to remember the wedding gift. Now that we are working from home, I cannot just knock on his door and talk in person about it. As I am doing thank you notes, I feel (fear) that both my boss and my manager thought they have given the gift.
How should I go about asking? Honestly I just want to avoid the situation where both my boss and my manager think they had given it to me.

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31 Comments

Latest activity by Afzan, on February 28, 2024 at 4:22 AM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 1, 2020 at 9:08 AM
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There really isn't a good way to bring it up. If it's a tangible gift, he'll stumble upon it at some point and go "oh shoot" and give it to you. If not, then you just won't get it.
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Devoted September 2021
Kia · on October 1, 2020 at 9:18 AM
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Wouldn’t suggest bringing it up. There’s no way to do it without looking like you’re begging
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Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on October 1, 2020 at 9:19 AM
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Personally, I would let it go.
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Expert July 2021
Day · on October 1, 2020 at 9:37 AM
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Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems from your post that the wedding was prior to the COVID shutdown. If this is the case, it’s been at least six months since the wedding. I think at this point, it may be inappropriate to remind someone of a wedding gift that was promised months ago.
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Sarah · on October 1, 2020 at 9:42 AM
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The wedding was after the reopening so it just happened. But I think based on your and others’ comments, there is not a way to bring it up. Thank you!
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Sarah · on October 1, 2020 at 9:49 AM
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According to him it was money, so probably a check—I don’t know if he will stumble upon it if its buried in other charges. Argh! Its the feeling that I have to stomach this that upsets me.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on October 1, 2020 at 9:53 AM
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Like others have said there is no way to bring it up. Some people promise gifts and you do not get them. Happens to all of us so just let it go.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 1, 2020 at 9:55 AM
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Yeah, unfortunately you will have to find a way to sit with/cope with that feeling. Maybe he'll find the check on his desk at some point or the boss will notice that it hasn't been cashed and ask about it. Otherwise, just write that off as a gift you aren't getting.
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Super January 2021
Sharonda · on October 1, 2020 at 9:58 AM
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On the flip side, if the manager has the boss’ gift and doesn’t give it to you, how do you send the boss a thank you note for a gift you didn’t receive? The boss may be a little miffed if he believes you received the gift and did not send him a thank you note.
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Sarah · on October 1, 2020 at 10:02 AM
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Yeah, I think I will just send the thank you notes to both of them. They did give me their good wishes and (I believe) have the intention of sending the gifts. Just that my manager forgot, which is why I feel dumb for not saying a word, and awkward if I do.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on October 1, 2020 at 10:03 AM
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I am wondering how exactly you are going to write a thank you note to your boss for a gift that your manager was supposed to give you and never did. I am going to be in the minority here, but I think I would definitely bring it up to the manager! It’s not like you are asking the manager to give you THEIR gift (which would be rude and uncomfortable), you are asking your manager to give you the gift your boss told them to deliver to you! And obviously your boss is not aware that the manager did not give it to you. Personally, if I gave somebody a cash gift to take to a wedding for me, and they never delivered that gift to the couple, I would want to know about it! I would call (or email, if you prefer) your manager and just say hey, I am getting ready to write thank you notes for gifts and realized I never received the gift from our boss. Is there a convenient time I could meet up with you to get it, so that I can properly thank him for the gift?
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on October 1, 2020 at 10:25 AM
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I would let it go if it were me. A lot of things have happened with COVID and I personally don't think it's worth it to risk a your good work relationship with your boss over a wedding gift. If you send out Thank You cards and he asks about why he didn't get one then I would tell him you never received a gift from him and that's why he didn't get one, but if he doesn't bring it up, I don't think you should either.
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Super January 2021
Sharonda · on October 1, 2020 at 10:27 AM
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I asked the same question about sending the boss a thank you note for a gift that was never received. I tend to agree with you. There is no harm in asking the manager for the gift he was supposed to deliver anyway. I think your suggested approach is very diplomatic and should not cause any hard feelings.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on October 1, 2020 at 10:28 AM
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Your post mentions, “It’s a gift so I am okay if I do not get it”.... well, that’s your answer right there. I wouldn’t ask or hint at a gift that was not received.
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Devoted October 2020
Kirsten · on October 1, 2020 at 11:26 AM
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I think this is great and perfectly appropriate.
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on October 1, 2020 at 12:02 PM
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Couldn't a colleague/friend casually mention that they haven't bought you a gift yet and ask your boss/manager what they got you? This might jog their memories and also comes off nonchalant.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on October 1, 2020 at 12:02 PM
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I agree with Chrysta. If Boss told you he was sending said gift with Manager and Manager said he does have it then I do think it’s ok to ask Manager about it so you can properly thank Boss. Of course do not say anything about Manager’s gift.
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Expert July 2021
Katharine · on October 1, 2020 at 1:26 PM
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I agree with this approach too. I personally would be pissed if I gave someone a check or cash to deliver as a wedding gift and I found out months later that it hadn't been delivered as promised. I would be wondering if the messenger pocketed the gift, even if I didn't say so.
So yea, I do think you need to pursue this, though not asking about the Manager's gift, only the Boss's that he was supposed to deliver.
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Master 0000
Judith · on October 1, 2020 at 2:48 PM
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Actually, because there was an intermediary between the giver and you, I think if you are tactful and circumspect you can politely do it. Jack, I am in a tough place. It is time for me to finish the last of my thank you notes, but how can I thank the boss for the one he entrusted you to pass on to me, when I have not seen it? Please get back to me. .....
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Dedicated October 2021
Corrin · on October 1, 2020 at 3:14 PM
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Agreed!
I think this is a great way to bring it up and absolutely not rude or begging.
You're trying to do a good deed by writing thank you notes, and I don't think you should just pretend you got it or act like nothing happened. I actually think you'd be doing a disservice to the person who was trying to gift you something.
If I asked one of my friends to give someone else my gift for them and then found out that they just forgot, all I would think about is "why didn't they just ask about it?" haha.
Also, if it's a check that your Boss wrote, he may be waiting for you to cash it/deposit it so it can be taken out of his account.
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How to remind my manager of a wedding gift he promised?

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