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Savvy May 2024

How to involve somewhat estranged dad?

Alli, on March 7, 2024 at 8:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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Hi everyone! So long story short, I have a complicated relationship with my dad and he hasn't always been the best parent. My mom largely raised me as a single mom. So, she'll be walking me down the aisle and we'll be having a mother daughter dance together as well. The dance especially means a lot as she was always really sad that my school only had a father daughter dance events and didn't want me to feel singled out. Recently, my dad and I kind of made amends after a blow up argument. I went no contact for a little while and decided I'd rather have him there at least even if we're still not on the best terms. After reaching out, he said he'd be happy to come and is also okay with my mom walking me down the aisle, and dancing with her instead. Now my question, I feel a little obligated to honor him in some way because he was so respectful of my decisions but I can't think of anything. I'd rather he doesn't do a reading or a speech as he isn't very fond of my fiance (he's the only one) and I'm worried he'll say something to try and sour the mood. Any ideas?

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Latest activity by Rosebud, on March 8, 2024 at 6:29 PM

Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on March 8, 2024 at 12:18 AM
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I think just being asked to attend is an honour. From what you're saying, I don't think you owe him any more than that.
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Savvy May 2024
Alli · on March 8, 2024 at 1:15 AM
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I think you might be right, I think I'm just feeling guilty for whatever reason because I feel responsible for making him happy. I just need to be content with being at our wedding is enough
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on March 8, 2024 at 2:32 AM
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Yep, you're not responsible for placating his feelings. Boundaries are good with people that aren't always safe. Congrats and have a great time planning your wedding.
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Rockstar January 2024
Andrea · on March 8, 2024 at 12:33 PM
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Yeah, I agree that the invitation after estrangement is an honor and you don’t need more. Listing him as a parent in the program would also be a quiet honor you could do.
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CM · on March 8, 2024 at 1:13 PM
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If you are up to it, you can always do a dance with him after you dance with your mom, once all your guests get up to dance. So, not a spotlight event, but still a gesture. A mention in the program is another possibility. It just depends how much you’re willing to do.
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Rosebud · on March 8, 2024 at 6:29 PM
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I think I d order him a boutonnière and then at the wedding itself ask him to dance with you but not do a preplanned solo dance. You can give a little toast/ thank you speech at the reception and thank him (and your mom too) in that if you'd like. If you d like before the wedding you can have a special moment like a first look with just the 2 of you and get some nice photos taken. Then after the wedding frame one of the photos to give him. Good luck!
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