How to include Goddaughter

I'm sure you already know this, but his mother doesn't get to select your wedding party. I would tell her that you have considered her suggestion, but have made your decision and you won't be discussing the topic any further. If she wants to continue to be upset about it, that is her prerogative but not your problem to solve. One other question though, if she is old enough to be a junior bridesmaid, she seems too old to even be a flower girl?

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She will be 2 at the time of the wedding - not technically old enough to be a "bridesmaid", i'm just trying to differentiate her role from our daughter's.

Have you and your FH discussed about this situation yet? If not then definitely do so.
I say stand your ground on this situation, unless you and your FH come to another agreeable decision.
This day is about you all as a family and I understand wanting your kids to have a special meaningful place in it, as I am doing the same with my son who will be a junior groomsman and also in charge of our rings.
What I don't understand is why your FMIL is being so persistent in pushing you to have 2 flower girls, is she helping pay for anything for the wedding? It's not her wedding or a day about her so it shouldn't a decision that she makes. It sounds like she is trying/being over bearing and controlling of a situation that doesn't need her input.

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He is being the mediator. He doesn't want to alienate his family for not including her. His brother had 2 flower girls 5 years ago so that is her primary argument. However, that was before he had kids and they were both nieces.

Are the kids RAISED together? If not, then I would ignore your MIL. If yes, then you sjould include her.
This may sound silly to you and others, but being excluded from stuff like this contributed to my low self esteem. My aunt had all her nieces and nephews, including my siblings, in her wedding except for me. Mind you I was 7 and lived out of state so there wasnt anything I could have possibly done against her. I also was pulled out of my grandma's wedding when I was age 8 bc my mom didn't like the man my grandma was marrying.

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Okay, I understand. I feel bad for him having to mediate that situation as that isn't a pleasant place to be.

She just needs to understand that this whole special day is about what you and him want, not going off of the guidelines of someone else's wedding. Just because he had 2 flower girls doesn't mean you need to as well. My FH and I aren't having a ring bearer or flower girl for our wedding, so everyone has and wants something different in their special day for a reason and it seems like for you two it's for your kids to have that meaningful place in the day.

Do whatever you and your FH want. With whatever choice that is made let it be the one that makes you two the happiest, one that can be looked back on and make you two smile knowing it was exactly what you wanted!!

View Quoted Comment No, they barely see each other outside of family parties. He barely even sees his own goddaughter because his brother is seriously overprotective but that’s another conversation...

View Quoted Comment Oh wow, then it's up to you. Stand your ground and probably refrain from discussing wedding planning with MIL

Do you not want to add her as another flower girl? With the, being that little it would be cute them walking down the aisle together. If not I would just tell your MIL no!

I had a post kind of similar to this, but my mom was wanting us to have my little cousins, who I barely see, be in the wedding. We would end up having 3-4 flower girls and ring bearers and we were adamant about having one each to make it fair. We've since then decided to have none like we originally wanted because honestly, I don't find it necessary to have children in the wedding party unless they're your own children.

It's up to you and your FH. No one else gets to dictate what happens and who you choose. You can argue that, 'they'll look so cute!!', or 'the children's feelings will get hurt', but she's also 2 and probably won't remember that she didn't get to be a flower girl. If anything, the parents might get a little upset, but again...it's about you and your FH and YOUR family unit with YOUR kids.

If this continues to be an issue and if she won't back down, then just have the goddaughter walk in after the flower girls with a sign that says "here comes the bride". That way she's in the wedding, but it lets your children have their own special role separate from hers.

My cousin was in the same situation. So what she did was let the god daughter hold her long tails thing on her dress I think it was called a train lol idk but the thing on the dress that drags the ground she made the god daughter know that this is a very important job and very special that she is in charge of keeping ur dress from getting messed up in any way bc it’s bad luck

I've been married for 15 years, back then I just let my mom and everyone put their 2 cents in and ended up MISERABLE. Remember it is YOUR wedding, your special day. You get to decide who has special rolls and what they will be, and as long as your future husband has your back stand firm in your decisions. My husband and I have been tentatively planning our vow renewal, and I guarantee this time it will be exactly what we want with no interference.

Now is the time to set boundaries. If you're opposed to a second flower girl, talk to your FH about this, and present a united front. The boundary stomping won't stop here. This is the most ridiculous thing for MiL to fuss about

Yeah, i agree with all the other ladies. Its not HER wedding. I hate that so many people think they can control what you do at your wedding. Its your day, for you and your husband. What you do with your wedding and who you choose to be there and apart of your wedding is YOUR choice. It seems like you already made up your mind and have reason why. Which is valid. I would feel the exact same. Its ya'll wedding and you want your daughters roles to be special. You did your part to try and find a different role for her and it wasnt good enough. So oh well. Enjoy your big day love.

Thank you everyone for your input! We have decided to let them call her a “flower girl” but she will process with the rest of the wedding party. Our church won’t let us throw flower petals anyway so they won’t really know the difference. We will get her a dress to match the bridesmaids and include her that way. My son and daughter will process individually as ring bearer and flower girl and my daughter will wear a white dress to stand out from the rest of the bridal party.

Your wedding, your decision. Set boundaries now and stick to them because it will get worse down the road if she is bullying you and disrespecting your choices at this point.

Maybe have her hold a sign that says “here comes the bride” and walk after the ring bearer and flower girl

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Glad to hear that you came to a final decision that works for you!

Happy planning!

Put MIL in her place. Tell her it is your wedding, and you did not ask for and are not accepting suggestions about your wedding party.
As for god daughter, I agree that it would be nice for your kids to have a role, separate from hers Why not have her do something. At 2 she could ring a bell to get everyone's attention to your family entering the reception. 🔔 Or before your first dance, or cake cutting. Like flowers, it is a very toddler thing to enjoy doing..

I saw in the comments that they don’t see each other often. If that’s the case, why doesn’t his mom walk the goddaughter down the aisle with his mom instead of a groomsman? If she is so insistent on her being a part of the wedding, there you go. Your children are priority, and it seems his mother’s control issues are rearing it’s head. She should find another battle to fight with this lol!