How to Deal with Other Big Life Events

I don’t think you sound selfish at all. This all sounds normal and logical to me. I am confident that most brides in your situation would feel the exact same way. Don’t feel guilty or beat yourself up for feeling disappointed about extenuating circumstances affecting how you saw your wedding going.
Silver lining: you have plenty of time to come to terms with your feelings and accepting the changes for what they are, rather than being blindsided days before your wedding. By the time the big day rolls around, you will have already worked through the disappointment, and will be ready to have an absolute blast at your wedding!

On your wedding day just think… When you walk down that aisle it is totally going to be your day! People will be totally enthralled in your wedding! As you know, no one is as excited for your wedding day as you and your fiancé are. But trust me! Once everyone is in that moment on your special day, you guys will be the spark in the center of attention and everyone’s lives! And just think once you both have your first child if you plan on any! I know it’s sort of a Thunder stealing feeling, but trust me, it’s the best thing ever! It just means more family for you guys to be a part of!

There is a lot going on in general when weddings occur it seems. I personally wouldn’t care if she could make it or not; however, if parents miss your wedding is another story. Although, with covid, most states / hospitals are only allowing 1-2 visitors total (that includes partner/father) so parents won’t be able to go to the hospital unless restrictions change. So, I wouldn’t stress about that... Try not to be down, the day is about you two!

Hi Allie! I can understand your feelings and keep in mind babies can come weeks early or a week late. It’s much easier said than done, but try not to worry too much as it may end up the baby comes at a different time and she will still be present ❤️ I hope this is the case.

Worse than selfish, it is silly.🙂 As one who was in a wedding at 6 1/2 months and gave birth in the middle of the night after the wedding, And had my Twins due Christmas day on Jan3, let me tell you due dates are figured on statistics. Any specific one is as likely to be wrong as right. Second, there is more than enough love in your family to pay close attention to your wedding , her babies, and another event or two as well. Relax.

It’s just a simple reminder that there’s life outside of our weddings.

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Thank you for this, it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who might feel this way in this situation. I'm really hoping I get through my feelings sooner rather than later, but I've been really struggling with his family a lot lately in the aspect of we get left out of a lot of things simply because we don't have a child. So here's to hoping I can just kind of get over it.

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I'm going to try to just keep saying the first parts in my head, I've been trying to since last night honestly to just get myself through this feeling. The problem is, his family hasn't exactly been very open to us joining in their activities lately so I don't even know how much of a part of this child's life we'll be. Her other son we hardly see. So it's hard.

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That is true. I was really worried about his parents at first, honestly. They are so excited for grandchildren, as they should be, but it doesn't mean their only son can't be celebrated too. His mother said she is absolutely going to our wedding, no questions asked, no matter what. So I'm really hoping this is true. I really would have liked his sister to be at our wedding because she is family and I get sad thinking that now we will be missing her from photos because I wanted to do a nice professional "new sisters" photo since I have none of my own. I can still do it with his other two sisters, but it really sucks that it won't be a complete photo.

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I'm sorry, but I don't find my feelings "silly." I'm well aware how due dates are figured out. And I think I'm allowed to miss someone being at my wedding without being "silly" about it. Clearly, some people just won't understand the entire situation though .

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I always knew this. It never really hit me this way that someone big might miss out on our day, and ultimately that's what I'm sad about. Of course I'm happy for her having a baby because she wanted another, just sad that we won't get to have her at our special day.

View Quoted Comment There’s really no way to know if she’ll be at your wedding though. She could have the baby a few weeks early and feel fine enough to attend the wedding (I felt great within a week of giving birth to my daughter) or she could go past her due date and still attend while pregnant. I would focus on your initial feelings of happiness for them and just try to not worry about any of the other things yet since there’s no way to know when the baby will come.

I don't think you are being selfish at all! I'm in a very similar situation - two of my bridesmaids have found out they were pregnant and both of them are due within just a couple of weeks of my wedding. I am thrilled for them, but part of me does hate the fact that I'm "sharing my time" - yes, that sounds so selfish and in a way, it is. But i think it's natural to feel that way.

Luckily, my BMs have been awesome at still making me feel special and celebrated. I think the best way to handle these big life events is acknowledging them and celebrating each one. My sister in law is pregnant, and she was shy to announce it or plan anything because she was worried I would be upset that she was stealing my wedding thunder. I obviously was stunned and told her to absolutely announce and celebrate and be happy for her life event too and that mine doesn't trump hers and vise versa - both are celebration worthy.

My only advice is to acknowledge and be happy for each other. Like others have said, your wedding will be your wedding. No one will be thinking about anything else as you're walking down the aisle. You're not selfish at all for feeling the way you do, but it helps a lot to make a conscious effort to support each other's life events and try to leave it at that! "Just clap for her" is one of my favorite, simple quotes about support each other, without any wavering or jealousy, although sometimes that feels impossible. Just clap for her and hope she continues to clap for you!

Your wedding will be absolutely magical!

I'm in the same situation as you! Our wedding is 5/1 and my SIL is due 5/5. Both her and my sister are pregnant now and bother in the bridal party along with my brother. So far, she has wanted to be a part of everything. She bought her dress 3 sizes too big and is getting alterations done now. I have told her repeatedly that if she wants to just come in comfy clothes that's totally fine, too! And if she has the baby early she would bring the baby. Unless she is actively in labor, she wants to be there. So I'm hopeful, but in the slim chances that they can't be there, we are having the ceremony livestreamed and we'll have a videographer. I was also super upset after they told us, not that I was mad at them or anything, just more of how I was feeling about it. I also had those feelings like "everyone will want to go see the baby instead of me" but that's just not true. It's their second baby, too. So I know my family will be ok staying at the wedding and letting them do their thing if the timing goes that way. Eventually my feelings about it got a lot better. And at this point we're just finger crossing that the baby comes on time or a little late or a couple weeks early. There's some things in life that you just can't plan for! I totally understand your feelings though.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this and sharing your experiences. I guess for me the struggle is really that she didn’t tell us on her own, things always seem to be done behind our backs or not with us at all, which of course is just adding to the situation. But even throughout today I think I’ve worked myself pretty much through it. It is what it is and I’d never be upset at someone else for living their life!

View Quoted Comment Thank you SO much for sharing this, it honestly just made me feel a ton better. In our case, she won’t be at the wedding no matter what. She’s missing out because she doesn’t want to risk herself or her baby during covid, so unless things get 100x better then she’s not coming. It was a tough pill to swallow for me because I wanted her to be part of our day, I’ve always seen it that way. But it’s not going to be that way, she may or may not attend my bachelorette, and it is what it is. I’m really glad to hear you had the same feeling so I don’t feel as crazy and it makes me feel much better to know it goes away with time. I’m sure mine will too, because I wouldn’t be upset about her having a baby. I’ll just miss her dearly.

I’m sorry you are having these feelings. It’s hard to sort through the emotions. In one way, it feels like happiness is being taken from you and given to her. Instead, think of it as the amount of joy within his family is multiplying. No one will be any less excited for your wedding, nor will they be any less excited for the birth of her baby. My brother and SIL had a baby a month before my wedding, and my initial emotions were the same as yours, wondering if they, along with their other daughter, would still be able to be a part of my big day. I eventually realized I needed to accept that this was something I couldn’t control, and therefore, couldn’t spend too much time worrying about. Another SIL got engaged the summer before our wedding and got married two months after. Once I started looking at is as an overall joyous year for both our families (especially despite Covid!), the easier it became to be genuinely happy for them!

Don’t feel bad!! You never know, maybe the baby will come early or even really late and they can still attend! It’s YOUR special day and you should enjoy it whether they are there or not! It does sound like they do feel bad and life happens! I’m sure they are all still excited for your wedding and everything will work out!

" I’m sure it’s something that’s happened before to others, but it’s a tough pill to swallow for me and I’m really struggling because I try really hard to not be selfish" Part of being ready to be married, is a certain personal maturity. Understanding that many or most people go through similar things, and it is no longer to indulge in every feeling you have. Time to stamp many things as the common experience, as simply not something to get upset over. You must come from a small family, for a few generations. But a huge percentage of the population has 3-6, or more, children or dependents in the home. And while these grown kids are in their 20-32 focus time, in any given time, there may be 2-4 babies in a year, or 2-3 marriages is a year. Years of none are followed by years when 3 sibs marry ( one a second marr.) One has a first, one a second and twins for someone's 33rd. And 2 of their closest first cousins marry and 2 have kids. And this may be the June when one graduates college, another grad school, and gramma is dying. Only the extremely sheltered from small families find 2 people sharing joy in an overlapping time period, something one should cry over. That paints the portrait of one thing happening in a year as the way things should be. But it is not the majority even of those with larger families. It is a sign of maturity to understand that the majority of families have some overlapping events, without it being a pooor you situation. You are worried your Br/sis will mis pictures, or the wrdding. People miss sobling weddings because they have sore throats, or can't get a day off work. It is not a momentous thing. But if you are being sad about things that may well not happen, crying because it might rain, how do you think you look to anyone from a larger family? This is not a rare occurence, it is a very common one. And instead of mourning the loss of attention as if it all somehow belonged to you, think how sad and what it says that they were afraid to share such happiness, because you would take this very common thing badly. Exactly as you have. It is time to stop indulging in poor me, and look at the fact that this is a common experience. And grow a little emotionally. Due dates being what they are, both of them and parents will be unlikely to miss your wedding for the birth. On WW there are always those who say, any emotion you feel, is okay and legitimate. I am definitely of the camp that thinks maturity, the ability to deal with common occurences without distress and immature self pity, is a goal of becoming an adult. Think of all the families that are larger that yours, and realize, the master plan for living is not for each person's major events to be out on a stage in a spotlight, never shared. That is a TV fantasy land.

View Quoted Comment I quite personally do not think you should be making any kind of assumption of how small or large my family is, what goes on in our lives, and passing judgments on “smaller sheltered families” in the light you have assuming things about where one comes from. I don’t need to “just think of how larger families view me” because I come from a larger family, I’ve shared my light with many other people, I’ve stated I was happy for her but I was having trouble dealing with the feelings I was feeling. I think it’s more a sign of maturity to admit one has certain feelings and feels bad about them over assuming that one is not mature simply because the size of their family. So carry on preaching about maturity, it seems that you may need some as well .