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Mandie
Beginner August 2024

Honoring the deceased?

Mandie, on September 26, 2023 at 7:18 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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Preface: My fiancé lost his grandmother last year. I have a cousin who passed over a decade ago but was the same age as me and we grew up going to the same gatherings for a decade, aswell as I have another cousin who passed about 10 years ago too who was about 10 years older than me or so. If we mention and honor his deceased grandmother should we also honor my aunts and uncles deceased children. Or since she is grandma does it make it different? I mean I would hate to offend my aunts especially since they lost their sons!!
I was thinking for the ceremony having the officiant day something like “join with me as we bow our heads for a moment of silence in memory of those could not be with us today but who are in spirit.” Then MAYBE have a chair with a rose for grandma specifically and MAYBE mention the deceased children in the families private invitations that are handmade and hand written with personalized notes? Or is that like rubbing salt in the wound Idk is that too much? Am I overthinking it? I never lost a son so idk how I would feel about this.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Vanessa, on November 7, 2023 at 1:34 PM
  • A
    Amy ·
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    I would not do anything for the cousins. It's been 10 years. That is a long time. I would not mention them in private notes either. That seems odd to me.

    I personally wouldn't do anything for his grandmother either, unless your fiancé really wants to do something for her.

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  • Mandie
    Beginner August 2024
    Mandie ·
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    It seemed odd to me too but I also read where someone got offened they weren’t mentioned tsp I was like is that a thing? It didn’t sound right so I thought I’d ask lol
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  • Mandie
    Beginner August 2024
    Mandie ·
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    Our phones are listening I was talking to my fiancé about the empty chair with a rose and not even 30 minutes later I’m scrolling online and came across a thing that said “someone got upset the grandmother was mentioned but not the other relatives deceased loved one” and I was like that sounds strange but it only says to honor deceased parents or grandparents online.
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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    Generally honoring deceased people at the wedding is only for parents and grandparents, maybe a sibling or close friend who died relatively recently. It’s basically for people who would’ve been in the wedding if they were alive.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Everyone deals with loss differently. Some people have no issues with a public memorial display, whether that is a display table for pictures or empty seats throughout the wedding day. Some don’t care for it because it triggers other loved ones to feel bad because they are still grieving.


    Some ideas that have been suggested in previous posts on the same topic that are not blinking neon signs to guests are to carry a picture in a locket attached to the bouquet or ask the caterer to make a dish that that relative was famous for. Get creative based on their interests and how they can be woven into your wedding discretely.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Personally, I'm not a fan of the recent trend of weddings as memorial opportunity, but if you are going to do it, I'd limit to just FI's grandmother in this situation.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Like CM, I am not a fan of memorials at weddings. I've only been to 2 weddings that have done this, and both times it just lead to sorrow (and was uncomfortable for guests). Your wedding should be a happy event and should focus on celebrating the couple getting married. Personally, I wouldn't bring attention to those that couldn't be there; but rather focus on celebrating with those that are. You deserve a day all about you, and you (and your fiance) shouldn't feel guilty about that! If FH REALLY wants to honor his grandmother, he can do so in a discreet way that keeps her close to him, but doesn't require a public showing. For example, he could carry a locket with her picture in it or take a moment in his changing room to have a "chat" with her and let her know that he's thinking of her and she'll be with him in his heart, etc.

    Just my personal feelings and experiences! Of course you should choose what's best for you as a couple. I think of the options you mentioned, the officiant saying a quick line about honoring those who couldn't be there is the best. It doesn't list specific people, so everyone can quietly honor whoever has passed in their lives, and no chance of feelings being hurt by their loved one not being mentioned.

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  • Mandie
    Beginner August 2024
    Mandie ·
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    I’m not either I don’t think we will do anything. I just read something and was very confused and I was like does everyone do that? Thanks for your input
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Never seen a memorial at a wedding in real life but have read many stories of people saying that it damaged the vibe and made it into a funeral instead of a happy event. So no, just because something is popular on Pinterest doesn’t mean that everyone in real life does it or that it ends well.
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  • Amber
    Dedicated August 2024
    Amber ·
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    My father passed away a few years ago from cancer. To ME, it will be hard to ignore his lack of presence on my wedding day & I decided I want to do something to honor him & others which we lost. So my fiance and I have decided to make a small memorial table. All it is going to have is a memorial sign which I created on Zazzle and one single lite candle. I made sure it has a more positive spin to it b/c ( of course) no one wants to be depressed at a wedding. It does not specify any one person in particular b/c we both have lost family members and we don't want to seem disrespectful and leave anyone out but for me, its to honor my father as well as grandfathers.

    Honoring the deceased? 1

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  • A
    Savvy May 2024
    Alli ·
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    We're just doing a chair at the ceremony with photos of my grandparents and my uncle and aunt who passed away earlier this year. Probably going to move the photos to a small table near the guest book for after the ceremony and that's it. We don't plan on having any readings or a moment of silence. Nothing against it, just not our thing. The way I look at it is this memorial is for us, we know who those people are in the photos and the people who knew them know as well. That's all that we need. If you think something more is needed there's nothing wrong with that but remember that this is your wedding day, not a dedicated memorial.
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  • V
    Just Said Yes June 2024
    Vanessa ·
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    I was just the MOH at a wedding where they had a memorial table with pictures of deceased loved ones with a sweet quote about honoring the memories of those who couldn't be here today. This was a great way to honor all family members!

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