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Savvy August 2024

Honoring deceased family members

Carrie, on January 6, 2024 at 2:40 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
My grandparents have all been gone for many years. My fiance still has both his grandmother's, but not grandfather's. I recently lost 2 aunts, one I was close with, the other not so much. My family is very close though so I feel as if we should honor all members who have been gone for a long time as well as recent ones. I hear only grandparents are supposed to be honored at weddings. But having such a close family I feel everyone gone should be honored. Would that be okay? Does everyone put up pictures? Or just say a speech about them? At first I wasn't going to do any of this, but with the recent deceased, everyone has been so excited about the wedding, saying we all need something positive to happen to heal all the negative things that have happened. Anyone's thoughts would be much appreciated!

8 Comments

Latest activity by Amber, on January 22, 2024 at 10:32 PM
  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    I think a sign acknowledging that we remember all those who have passed on before us that we sorely miss but know they are here in spirit. Maybe with flowers in a vase. Others may have a better recommendation.

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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    My fiancé’s mother passed just a few weeks before we got engaged, and my grandparents in the last few years. We’re going to have a vase of flowers and a sign that they’re “in honor of those we’ve lost but are still in our hearts.”
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  • H
    Just Said Yes August 2024
    Heather ·
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    I've seen people save a seat for those who have passed, placing a candle or flowers on the seat. For your situation, I think a flower for each of them on one seat would be a lovely gesture.

    I'm struggling how best to incorporate my father into our ceremony. He knew we were eloping before he passed last month and was very supportive of it. Knew he would be too sick to actually walk me down the aisle. I am determined to take part of him, maybe a small vial of his ashes tied into my bouquet, so that he essentially does join me for the walk. Still working on it.

    We'll figure it out. ♥ I think any gesture, big or small, conveys your thoughtfulness and will be appreciated.

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  • E
    Rockstar August 2023
    Elly ·
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    I wish I had read this post before I commented on your other post. Now I know that your father did approve of your elopement and that you do have a close-knit family.

    An individual flower for each family member is a lovely gesture. Candelabras with a candle for each family member that you wish to honor, or a memorial table with individual photo frames might be other options.

    Here are other options to consider in addition to some of your ideas:
    -Using a holy book or reading from your father in the ceremony.
    -Hiring a musician (such as a harpist of violinist) to play a processional song that your father would have liked, or that reminds you of your father.
    -Using a fabric such as a tie to wrap around your bouquet, or incorporating a piece of jewelry, or his favorite flower.
    -Putting your father's jacket on the seat closest to the altar along with his photograph.
    -Hiring a driver to drive you around Las Vegas in a car your Dad loved, or would have liked to drive.

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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Heather I so sorry for your loss. Etsy has lovely lockets and urn charms you can add to your bouquet another idea would be to use a piece of one his shirts as a ribbon you can pin it inside your dress or add to your bouquet. Best of the luck to you!

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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Hi Carrie,

    It can be so hard to include everyone but one thing you can do is have wedding photos of the all the parents and grandparents (living and deceased) on the gift table or guest book table. If you have a program you can make a mention of any relatives who are dearly missed. Etsy sells some lovely bouquet charms/lockets you can add to your bouquet or pin inside your dress with photos of your grandparents. My mom always told me as a child that cardinals are a symbol of lost love ones coming for a visit. So we had a little cardinals hidden around the venue that was meant to symbolize all the people we ve loved and lost. It was an easy way to do it without leaving anyone out accidentally or making it too sad. You do what feels right to you and your partner. Good luck to you!

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Based on other posts with the same topic (found via the search bar on the top), there is a consensus that the memorials work better when they are private and discreet. A picture in a locket attached to your bouquet, a food they were famous for as part of the menu, etc. There are posts describing guests who don’t respond well to pictures of deceased loved ones or empty chairs because it’s triggers them and everyone grieves differently. In that case, instead of being a happy moment, the unexpected grief dampens the mood and some people leave early.


    We each have several loved ones who are deceased but we didn’t do anything special to commemorate them because they were with us in spirit and that was sufficient.


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  • Amber
    Savvy May 2025
    Amber ·
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    I will be honoring my grandfather, great grandmother, my uncle, my fiancés grandmother, and several of our friends who have passed. I’ll also be honoring two of my best friends of many years who will not be able to come due to addiction. It’s your wedding, honor who you wish! I’ll be having reserved seats with honor signs/pictures for those we are honoring, family in the front, friends in the back, plus a candle burning in their memory. Ill also be playing a special song/doing a short speech for them. For the speech I’ll simply be saying their names and the year they left us. These are people that are important to you and honoring them during your wedding is a quieting to your pain and a chance to rejoice in how proud they would have been to be with you on your wedding day.
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