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Block him and tell her that he said this. Also maybe consider not inviting him. Sometimes with girlfriend in these situations will listen to reason and sometimes not, but you don't want him ruining your day.

View Quoted Comment She know about the conversation I had with him an didn’t say nothing to me about or to seem to even care

Adding since I can't edit on mobile: Another option is to pretend to agree to his request. Then on the day of, pair her with the groomsman like you were originally planning. Hopefully her bf isn't crazy enough to make a scene during the ceremony. This could backfire though, as he may take it out on her later, in private. Do you think this guy is unsafe or may hurt her?

View Quoted Comment I don’t know he the type of person that told her if you break up with me I’m going to kill myself an her mom know about the situation too

He sounds like an abuser, not letting her walk down the aisle with the opposite sex because he’s jealous and wants to keep her to himself. Ugh.
I would tell him you’ve made arrangements and they are not up for discussion.
Ask her if she’s okay and needs help getting away from him. Tell her parents or someone close to her. This is not healthy.

View Quoted Comment This. Yes this is abuse. Blocking him or telling him something is not up for discussion will only anger him and cause him to make her suffer worse consequences behind closed doors. That’s exactly why she didn’t tell you there was an issue after you discussed things with him.


She will need someone supportive in her corner if and when she decides to leave him but that has to be her decision. If you are willing, let her know you will help her out of her situation with him and that she is worth more than the lies he tells her. But arguing with him will only make things worse for her because she lives with the end consequences of his reactions to your choices.

He needs to grow up! And if she really let him text you and put you in such an awkward situation maybe reconsider your relationship with her as well💯Good luck.

The bigger problem is the bridesmaid needs to leave this crazy, controlling bf. Period.


I'd be hesitant to have someone like that at my wedding. I'd start by sending your bridesmaid some domestic violence resources

I would strongly suggest against doing any surprises - like pretending to comply and then having her walk with a groomsmen. She will suffer the consequences. Whether that's verbal, emotional, or physical. Please, for her sake, don't do that.

However, otherwise, maybe you could have your wedding party come down individually? So you wouldn't have to pair people.

Obviously, this is a really bad relationship for her, and I hope she is able to get out of it, but there's no way to tell how long it'll go on. So, I would recommend finding a way around it.

I wouldn't normally suggest bending to stupid demands, but this sounds like a bad situation for her. IF you don't think it's as bad as it sounds, maybe just talk to them, but I would be very very very careful. If he is that controlling, then definitely figure something else out.

View Quoted Comment She tried to break up with him an he got u to her head that he will go to anger management an all that an he gave her a promise ring all that

View Quoted Comment Leaving an abuser is never an overnight walk in the park. It takes a super dedicated support system to help her out and let her know that she can be safe and she doesn’t have to believe his lies. Even if it’s horrific for her, it’s her familiar environment. It does not mean she enjoys the abuse. It sounds like that’s what people think: she stays because she likes it. Gaslighting is how abusers get victims to stay and feel horrible emotionally and dependent on them for everything. If you abandon her now, does she have anyone else who can help her? If you decide to help her, is there a safe place she can stay? Spend a night at your home before you help her get to a domestic violence shelter where he is not allowed to see her without police intervention and she can get professional resources to build a life without him.



Also what people don’t understand or care to realize is that abusers don’t see themselves as being in the wrong. No amount of anger management or other classes will erase their narcissism and the control they feel entitled to over others.
If this is a true friend, I would do everything in my power to help her find a safe place away from him. One day, he may snap out of the blue and she might not even be alive the next day as a result of his obsession. I would hate knowing that I could have done more within my abilities to prevent that.

Now that you've posted a bit more detail, there's a lot more going on here. Frankly, who she walks with as a bridesmaid is the least of your worries. Yes, she should leave him and seek resources, but you can't make that happen. She has to be the one to work up the courage to make that choice, and it may not happen in time for your wedding. (Hopefully she's not still with this guy in 18 months, but you never know.)


This is one reason it would have been better to wait until next year to choose your bridal party at all. As it is, you need to wait and see if they're still together next year. If so, you definitely do not want this guy at your wedding, which may mean uninviting her also. As long as she's in your life, he may be too -- is that something you're willing to deal with? Are you willing to spend the foreseeable future giving in to his demands? What if he begins treating you the way he treats her? It sounds like he's already started.

Adding that if you offer her resources that it's best to do so in person rather than texting/ emailing them because he may go through her phone and have access to whatever she uses for communication. Depending on the situation closer to your date, you may want to consider having security officers and giving them a heads up about this guy.

Ugh! I’m so sorry you’re both dealing with this. My cousin had a similar relationship and unfortunately it took him breaking into her car, stalking her, and breaking into her home and stealing from her parents (things that belonged to our dead grandparents) for her to get a restraining order.
In the meantime, for her sake, we were all cordial to him and supportive to her.
If she needs to walk alone or with your sister so she can be there without there being consequences… how important is it that she walk with a groomsman?The last wedding I was in we only walked together for the recessional, the men were already at the front for the processional. Can you have them recess bridesmaids first and then groomsmen? Or every other? That way she isn’t walking with another dude?I think it might be super fun to have your girls link arms with one another, very girl power and solidarity lol it could also be a cute photo moment if they do it up! I would have felt more comfortable walking with other bridesmaids than with the groomsman I was walking with anyway… just a thought.

Yep this is a giant red flag. Your wedding isn't for a year and a half so why is this an issue now? I can guarantee other issues will crop up during the next more than a year. Stay in her corner and stay out of negotiation or fights with him.

Who takes a 30 sec walk down an aisle with whom in 18 months is the least of the issue.

It's unfortunate you asked her so early, because now he has more time to object to things. Hopefully by then they will break up.

View Quoted Comment Our wedding was supposed to be last year but we held it off because of college I asked her last year an it’s still set for who I wanted ad my bridesmaids

View Quoted Comment

Fair enough, I didn't mean for it to sound like I was judging it, my apologies.

I was more pointing it out for other posters they don't ask too early.

The boyfriend sounds like an awful person and an abuser controlling your bridesmaid. I am sorry you're going through all this. It's a big red flag if he is bothered by another guy to walk her down the aisle. It shouldn't make him uncomfortable or jealous. He sounds like a troubled or insecure person.

It does sound like abusive behavior but let me say that my FH and his family (all brothers) and his own parents thought that only couples were supposed to walk together. This is something that I literally had to teach them wasn’t a thing. Some people are taught this, and it could just be plain ignorance. Nevertheless, it is kind of “old school” to have pairs walking together. Having the men follow the groom and the women walk after is also an idea. I’m just saying, since he answered for her it sounds more controlling than anything. I’d hold off on choosing your wedding party til it’s about 8 months out.