Help! Open Marriage???!

Go to couples therapy immediately

Oh I am so sorry you are going through all this, but honestly what a pitiful man. It's 6 months in and he couldn't even stand by the vows to be with you through sickness and health. You are obviously a different woman your world is falling apart and he's not even trying to help you pick up pieces. In fact he's found a few pieces and broken them down farther. I am so so sorry. 😞


I don't think this forum will give the appropriate advice needed and suggest a professionals help to navigate these emotions. Possibly also look into an annulment.

I’m so sorry to hear of all these tragic events, I think the previous posters both have good suggestions, therapy, and an annulment.

Your husband is pathetic. The time to be having conversations about what he needs in life to avoid feeling “repressed” was long, long ago. And to be bringing this all up now, with all that’s been going on is truly despicable.


I agree with him about one thing. You’ll never be happy with someone like him.

View Quoted Comment EXACTLY THIS. I would seek couples therapy and be prepared to walk away from this marriage if he refuses to honor his marriage vows.

It’s time to kick him to the curb !

How you entered your commitment is how it should stay. So unless you were poly before, then he changed on you and that's not fair. Seek marriage counseling ASAP to talk this through. Good luck.

If staying with him is truly something you want, for sure seek out marriage counseling (and probably individual counseling too). The foundation of your relationship should have been established BEFORE you agreed to get married, so if he's feeling "repressed," he should have addressed that way sooner. It's also incredibly unfair of him to claim you're not the person you were when you got married. Obviously you're going to be at a high point when you're about to marry someone you care about, but that's not how it's always going to be. Going through these kinds of hardships in a relationship really show you someone's true colors, and his look an awful lot like a bright red flag.

Hi. I agree with those that are suggesting counseling - for both you as a couple and you individually. I know (first hand) that loss and grief changes a person. Of course you are not the person that he married 6 LONG months ago - right now you are acclimating to your new normal. You've been through some stuff and seen some of your darkest days. He should be devoting his time to supporting you the best way he can, not looking for partnership online. His behavior is quite concerning. Having spent his last 6 years with you, he should have also felt the loss of your mother - to some extent at least.

I am so sorry you are going through this...and I sure hope you give yourself the time you need to process all you have been through.

I agree with everything that’s been said already. I just wanted to extend my deepest condolences to you - no one should have to suffer that much loss in such a short amount of time. I truly hope you find happier days ahead, and may both of your loved ones rest in peace 🕊️

Counseling counseling counseling. ASAP.

I also want to say that I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through in such a small amount of time. I can't begin to imagine the changes that must be happening in your life and I hope that in time it settles down and you can begin to create the life that you want to have and move forward in again

I'm so sorry for your. Decide on whether you want to be with this man forever, if yes, go to therapy. If no, go to therapy and and see where you guys come out of it. But honestly, your husband sucks and needs help.

Please find a therapist immediately and sort out who YOU are from your marriage and your husband. You need time to process all of that has happened before you agree to anything.


In my opinion, start with daily meditation on what YOU want and what you NEED (what does your mind, heart and body need to new self?)
With a therapist, spiritual leader (if your religious) or trusted advisor please begin self work. Above all, please seek a trained professional because you are the victim of someone who exhibits anti-social behaviors and perhaps narcissistic emotional and psychological abuse manipulation.
Your husband lacks the emotional capacity to see how all of this is impacting you and prioritizes his wants above what you need or agreed to before marriage.
Red Flags regarding your partner
1. Gas lighting — He waited until you were “locked in” marriage and then flipped the script. He agreed to live by one set of symbols and values and reneged on them all.
2. Disregard for Boundaries — Many times in marriages, we can lose the essence of who we are. This is a great time to reevaluate what are your principals and values and are those as odds with the principals and values your husband lives by.
Wishing you good luck!

You signed up for a monogamous marriage and you don't have to give in to him.

Yes, therapy if you can and if he's willing, but I'd be surprised if he decides to go because he sounds like he's made up his mind.

I'd consider a separation if I was you.

(BTW... I am in a polyamorous relationship and if he wanted to monogamous, I'd probably start a divorce because that's not what I signed up for.)