I've always been pretty firm on the side of absolutely not asking friends or family, including bridal party members, to work your wedding. In my circles, it's common to have a DOC, wedding at a hotel or wedding venue, etc. where DIY is minimal and things are taken care of by professionals.
However. This weekend I was a bridesmaid for a dear family member who married at her in-law's home. 115 guests. EVERYTHING, save caterers and DJ, was a DIY. I spent hours the day before the event hanging curtains, arranging centerpieces, installing dress racks and much more. Groomsmen were running around hanging lights, buying last minute bar materials. Other bridesmaids were up until 3 am with the bride re-doing the seating charts because the rental company dropped off too-small rounds and refused to replace them. A friend of the MOG was literally scrubbing the floors and toilets. It was truly, truly all hands on deck.
I'll be honest—there were times I was super irritated, hangry and uncomfortable. I had my husband pick me up while there was still work to be done because I just couldn't go on—mostly because no one told me in advance I'd be helping and I had the completely wrong footwear!
But the next day, the wedding day, it all melted away. It was so sweet to see how everything came together, how happy the B&G were and how it felt more of a family effort than just a regular wedding/party.
I'm sure there are many friends and family who helped with cleanup after (we bounced a half hour before the official end time), and I hope they felt the same way I ended up feeling! It's still not my style—and I'd still not recommend counting on non-professionals to throw together a big event—BUT I think if you choose your bridal well, with people who have servant hearts and genuinely want to help, it can come together.
I also, again to avoid feeling completely irritated, stayed in control of how much I helped. The bride is a sweetheart and hasn't said she thought I didn't help enough (there were plenty of bridesmaids who didn't help at all). I think brides who are counting on help need to have reasonable expectations and a backup plan for if people (who are totally within their right!) can't help with EVERYTHING.
