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Futuremrsn
Devoted October 2020

Guests who rsvp as ‘maybe’

Futuremrsn, on August 24, 2020 at 6:38 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21
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Hello Ladies! One of my rsvp cards came in and it’s from a friend of my FH. We invited this guy and his fiancé, but on their rsvp they added +1 child. I found this a bit weird, but we decided it’s not a huge deal if they really want to bring their child (even though we only invited children of family to the wedding). Then I receive a message from this guy saying ‘if Covid got worse then him, his fiancé, and stepson would not be making it to the wedding due to an underlying health condition.’ I’m a little confused as to how I should proceed now. They rsvp’d ‘yes’ for 3 people, but could possibly reach out anytime before my wedding (in 40 days) and say they’re not coming. I don’t have a problem with these people other than the situation we've been put in, but I’m worried if they decided not to come then we would have three extra dinner plates and waste money we didn’t have to. How would you approach this situation? Thanks in advance!

21 Comments

Latest activity by Marcia, on August 25, 2020 at 7:59 PM
  • Megan
    Dedicated December 2019
    Megan ·
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    Unfortunately, I think this is a fair response of a guest being invited to a large event during a pandemic and I think you should plan for what happens if more people respond this way or ultimately don’t show if there is an increase of COVID in your area. Should you do a final call 1-2 weeks before the wedding and confirm guests once again based on current COVID statistics and then reconfigure from there? (Move some of the dinner money into bar, for example, if fewer people can make it.)
    Inviting their child is a bit strange, I will give you that.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Unfortunately declines and no-shows come with the territory of wedding planning. Yet, it’s even more common now during the pandemic (and understandably so). But, if you’d like, a few days before your final count is due, you can reach out to the couple to get their final decision. I guarantee that other guests of yours who RSVP’d saying “yes” are truly “maybes” as well. But this couple was just real enough to say so.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    When is your final guest count due? I know mine isn't due until 10 days before our wedding. You could let them know when the final count is due and ask them again

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  • T
    Super October 2020
    Trisha ·
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    I Honestly Think A Maybe RSVP Is An Inconvenience And Guests Shouldnt RSVP Unless They Have A For Sure Answer. With That Being Said , Id Ask Them Closer To When Your Final Headcount Is Due

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  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn ·
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    I suppose I could reach out to certain people right before the wedding, but our final payment for the caterer is due like 3 weeks before the wedding so I’d rather not waste more money with everything going on as well :/
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  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn ·
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    I agree, I appreciate the fact that they were truthful about their situation. The only problem is my final payment for our caterer is due 3 weeks before the wedding so I’m a little conflicted
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  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn ·
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    Our final count is due one month before the wedding, and the final payment is due 3 weeks before the wedding. I could reach out to them again but they could end up changing their minds come closer to the date :/
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  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn ·
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    I agree to be honest! I can ask them 3 weeks before but that’s all the time I can give them unfortunately!
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    I would count him as a no.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Count him as a no, we had one like that too. I just counted it as a no. We had a few like that, we messaged the person and said we understand the situation and why you responded that way but we do need to know by (insert date) if you are coming for sure. I would do the same here.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I get it, I would probably count them as a no, you don't want to waste money.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    It happens :/ especially now. So I like what some of the others suggested like reaching out again to confirm
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I agree with Megan that unfortunately, the "maybe" answer is a fair one right now due to the unpredictability with Covid and deciding to host a wedding in the middle of a pandemic. I think it was totally unacceptable for them to invite their child, but that's another issue. I'd probably reach out to confirm

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  • VIP August 2020
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    I agree that maybes are a possibility during covid, but saying, "yes plus a kid," and then saying, "actually maybe not, we'll get back to you," SIX WEEKS before the wedding makes absolutely no sense. I think you should handle this the same way you're supposed to handle people who don't respond at all.


    "We hope you'll be able to attend, but we understand if you don't feel comfortable going to an event right now. Unfortunately, even during a pandemic, we need to give our final guest count to our caterer on [day before you actually have to tell them]. If you haven't committed to coming to our wedding by that date, we'll have to mark the three of you down as not attending."
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    It's quite gutsy of him to add on his stepson. I would tell him thank you for the heads up. Due to space and budget restraints, we are not able to accommodate anyone who was not specifically listed on the invitation. Our headcount is due 3 weeks before the wedding, and you don't want to have 3 meals going to waste, so you will count him as a No unless he affirmatively tells you Yes by X date, and space will only be reserved for 2. We completely understand if you cannot attend, your health and comfort is of the most importance.


    With the pandemic, you should expect more such declines, but tacking on an extra person is crazy rude.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    I agree with this. Don't mark them as a no until you get closer to your date as anything can happen through no fault of theirs.
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  • Futuremrsn
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsn ·
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    This is extremely helpful, I appreciate it!
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'd reach out on your last day before you need your final count & talk to them and see what they are leaning towards.

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  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    I've had a few changes just 2 weeks out. It's only about 3-5 people that I've had to rearrange so it's not a huge deal and my venue is understanding.

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  • Taran
    Expert September 2020
    Taran ·
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    We've run into this as well my uncle and his family. They have tentatively said yes for the 4 of them, but may not come. Two of my friends are the same way. We have 25 days left so I counted them as yes and submitted my numbers since it was just 6 people, in my mind it wasn't worth stressing about getting a concrete answer

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