Guests assuming plus ones?!

When we sent invitations, our RSVP card had something like “___ seats reserved in your honor,” and we filled in the number to reflect how many were invited. We gave most people plus-ones, but it’s not required except for couples who are married, engaged, or living together. (And then the invitation should be addressed to both.)


We spread the word through our parents that we were having a smaller wedding and limiting the guest list so they knew beforehand that kids and extended family wouldn’t be invited. If anyone says something directly to you, politely say “I’m so sorry, but we have to keep a handle on the guest list, so we’re not including plus-ones.”

View Quoted Comment That is very helpful! Thank you!

Deleted because I misread.

Don't have a paper RSVP card where they can write something like "__ attending" and pick the number themselves. Have an online RSVP link so they can check yes/no only for themselves.

In our own social circles and those we are familiar with, partners of any period of time are invited automatically by name. It doesn’t matter if they became serious the day before the save the dates were sent or they are a common law couple who has been together for 10 years with no plans to marry. It is considered disrespectful by many for a couple to ask their loved ones to celebrate their own relationship while ignoring that of their guests.


A true plus one is a random stranger who is not a partner, and many social circles do not consider them to be “non negotiable standards”, because they are optional for various reasons. It is not a faux pas to not allow them. And many people would never consider bringing a random person to tag along whose name was not explicitly listed. Some circles don’t entertain the notion of an unnamed plus one who is not a partner and guests respect that and are fully able to enjoy themselves. If they are not able to do so, then they decline the invitation.
When I was younger and not in a relationship, I was incredibly shy but not one to ask for a plus one or consider bringing one without invitation. While it took awhile at the reception to get comfortable enough to socialize with strangers outside of people I knew and to get on the dance floor, I still had a great time attending solo. Husband was the same when he was single and not in a relationship but wasn’t ever as shy/introverted. Many people we know are and have been the same: if not in a relationship, would never dream of asking the couple to bring a random that they didn’t invite and they still had a great time. It’s not the rarity that people make it out to be.
As a host, you are making the conscious choice to spend whatever money per person and not allow guests to bring their partners. Be prepared for declines.