Guest list cut down

Did you send Save The Dates to 266 people? If not, I would only send invites to those who you sent Save The Dates to, and maybe a few others if there's space, but I definitely wouldn't send invites to more than what the venue can hold. You likely won't get everyone to attend, but it could happen, so you want to be sure you have room for everyone.

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I basically did send save the dates to everyone. The problem is my fiancé has a huge family. In addition to that he wanted to invite all of our friends which is included in the list. I think that if we keep family only and see who responds to RSVP then possibly send out to friends if we have room?

We cant cut our list down as my fiancé has a huge family and we have them coming from out of country the only way we will be able to cut down is if we cut friends.

View Quoted Comment Many people on the forums here will warn against doing an A and B list. Some people are fine with them, but often times, if guests find out that they were on the B list, they potentially may have hurt feelings over that. It's likely that enough people will decline the invite for you to be at or under the 250 max limit, especially since you said that many people are from out of the country, but I wouldn't rely on that. I would still send an invite to everyone you sent a Save The Date to, but maybe check with your venue to find out what the absolute max capacity is? Since you listed a range of 225-250, it sounds like these may possibly be some room for a few extra guests. Start with talking to your venue, but if you find that there isn't enough room for everyone, I would either look into cutting down your guest list to the max venue capacity, or switching venues to one that can hold more guests.

So basic math should be done prior to sending our STDs or invites. Did you not count your guest list and realize it was more than your venue capacity? You guys messed up here.

One option is to invite everyone you sent STDs to and hope some RSVP no. Generally it is ill advised to invite more than you can fit, but typically 10-20% of guests decline so you'd likely end up with a "yes" list small enough to fit in your venue. With such a large guest list and Covid interfering with safety, travel, and people's finances you might even see more declines that usual, and could easily end up with less than 200 guests. However, there is always the possibility that you'll have very few declines and still end up with too many people, at which point you'll need to turn away guests that RSVP yes just weeks before your wedding, and its very possible at that point people will have made plans and organized their schedule to attend.

It's also rude to send someone an STD and then not send an invite, so unless you want to go about finding a different venue, you'll need to risk being rude one way or the other.

While cutting down a guest list due to Covid or other factors happens, generally you're talking a drastic downsizing of the wedding. So if you originally planned a 266 person wedding and then needed to chop it to 100 people, the 166 guests you "uninvited" would probably be pretty understanding about it. But omitting 16 of your guests while keeping the other 250 makes it really obvious to those people who got chopped that they didn't make the cut while 250 other people did.

Also keep in mind that venue capacity limits include more than just your wedding guests. Fire safety limits include every single person in the building, so all of your servers and staff, photographer, DJ, etc. Guest capacity limits generally include just the people enjoying the event, but you and your partner would be on that list. So a venue with capacity for 250 guests means couple plus guests, and really means you can only invite 248 additional people. A venue with a fire safety limit of 250 means you might only be able to have 230 or so guests after you factor in all of the vendors and event staff who are making your event possible.

View Quoted Comment I have a huge family as well but fortunately, much of them are super afraid of COVID and are not willing to travel nor dine indoors.


Best wishes to you.

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Thanks for all the information! I love the venue we have plus we are getting a discount so I really do not want to switch venues, it was hard enough to find one to accommodate a Canadian holiday, which is where our guests are mostly coming from. I already made an A and B list because that's what my coordinator told me to do just in case the COVID restrictions are tight. I am going to have to make as new list for the friends to invite if there is room. Its hard because we know that some family will not show even though we are sending invitations when they are done. So I have to wait on RSVP's- I planned to send them out by March and then have them RSVP by July so that way I can fill it in with friends. I dont know if that is a good plan or not but it seems like the only thing I can do. I will also make sure that the people who do not send an RSVP I will contact myself or via my fiancé and make sure that they are not coming.

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Thanks for all of that information. The problem is I was having a hard time getting information from my future in laws and now they wanted to add people to the list that I never knew existed. I had to inform her nicely that we have hit the max amount and cannot add anyone who is not family. I already told a majority of my friends and made a fb post that anyone who received a STD friends wise might not get an invitation so that way it was out there. I apologized but everyone is understanding due to what is going on with COVID. And i did create an A list and B list which is cut down but a little more than half. My fiancé and I will discuss who to cut and try to stay under the max amount because I do not want to hit that amount to be honest.

View Quoted Comment That sounds like a good plan! I understand not being willing to switch venues, my fiance and I love our venue and would not be willing to move elsewhere. I would still recommend that you double check with your venue on a backup plan just in case you have more guests RSVP "yes" than what the venue can hold at that time. I'm not sure if your venue has multiple event spaces/ballrooms, but if so, it might be worth renting out a second space in the venue to allow for a higher capacity. But everything might end up working out anyway, since COVID has caused many people to hesitate on traveling for a while, so you may end up being below the max limit. Also, one other thing to check on is if vendors are included in the max count that the venue gave you, since that could also impact your final guest list.

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The vendors are included in the max count. I will email my venue and see what the max is and discuss with her as well as my fiancé as to what to do. I got the ballroom plus the room next to it so I would not run into this issue. We will get through this! Thank you for everything!

Did you not know the capacity of your venue before sending out save the dates? Also, is it 225 or 250 people? That’s a huge difference and their capacity should be a set number, not a range.

View Quoted Comment The problem was My venue did not let me know my coordinator did not work there so I was getting no response so now I have a new coordinator that I’m working with so trying to get everything up to speed. And in my other comments the problem is people are adding to the list after save the dates went out.

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Ahh gotcha! Yea thats a tough situation to be in. When we originally got engaged, my in-laws said that we should invite who we wanted, but when we checked in with them again about it before finalizing our guest list they had about 12 people on their list including themselves and my husband's sister but also their siblings (my husband's aunts and uncles) and a plus ones for a couple singles on there (and I despise plus ones). All in all the adjustment wasn't huge, our venue had capacity for more, and they gave us money towards the wedding so it wasn't an additional cost to us (plus we checked before our STDs went out, and if we had said we wanted a really intimate event and didn't want to invite them, they would have understood), but it can be frustrating when parents get involved and don't communicate clearly about wants or expectations.

In the end it's your wedding and unless his parents are footing a good chunk of the bill, you shouldn't have to invite anyone you don't want to and shouldn't be forced to cut your own friends to include distant relatives or friends of your fiance's parents.

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Invitations are typically sent about 8 weeks before the wedding date. If you send them in March - 7 months ahead of time - that is WAY too early. People will misplace them, forget, toss them, etc. You run a big risk of a low response rate that far in advance, or getting misleading acceptances/declines only to have people change their minds closer to the event.

If you've sent save the dates to 266 people and your venue can only accommodate between 225-250 people, then this is a tricky situation... The problem is, sending save the dates to people who won't end up being invited is a big no-no, because when people receive save the dates, they do exactly that--save the date so they can make sure to come to your wedding. This happened to my husband and I once--we received a save the date to a friend's wedding, they later realized that they had accidentally invited too many people so they B-listed us, and this ended our friendship. If your venue can comfortably hold 250 people (if you're allowed this many by October) and you've invited 266, then it may work out because some people will probably decline. If you decide all of a sudden to now cut your list to family only, the problem is that your friends who received save the dates will be expecting an invitation, since they've essentially marked their calendars to attend your wedding on that day. If COVID is still a thing, you might be able to use that as an excuse and cut to family only, and not invite any friends. But if you're worried, then I'd find a new venue that can accommodate all of your guests, since you've accidentally invited more than the venue can hold. Also, you'll need to clarify if your venue can hold 225 or 250, since that's a big difference.

View Quoted Comment 8 weeks is too close to the wedding date for people to give me responses. My venue wants a head count before then. Thanks for the information though.

View Quoted Comment If you read my other replies I told friends already and made a Facebook post telling people about Covid and they might not get a invite. Also I didn’t send it to 266 people my mother in law added other guests after the save the dates were sent out.

I would only invite those you sent out save the dates to and tell your mother-in-law only those people are invited. I would be surprised if over two hundred will be allowed to attend the wedding by October. I also don't know how you aren't sure wife 225-250 are allowed. Venues normally have a set number rather than a range.

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If your mother in law added extra people after you sent save the dates, then I think your best bet is to tell your mother in law that sorry, you can't accommodate those extra people. Unless she is paying for a significant portion of your wedding, she doesn't have the right to add guests. Stick to the people who YOU and your FH originally invited and if your venue can accommodate this number, then your problem is solved!

View Quoted Comment So the venue can accommodate 225 people I just got the confirmation on that and yeah I told her that.