Guest count

There's no way people are going to know more than two years in advance if they can or will be able to attending your heck. Heck most people won't know for 100% definitely until about 6-8 weeks before your wedding. You need to plan as if everyone you invite is going to attend.

To be honest, there is no way to do this. Sending something out now is going to be basically worthless. People are not going to know whether they can attend this far out. if I received something that early, I wouldn’t even respond to it. And for those that actually do respond, you wouldn’t be able to trust their response at all – too much could change between now and then. When people first introduce the idea of destination weddings, everyone is super excited and on board; but a lot of the people who swear they are going to attend, end up not being able to. In two years time, people can change jobs, plan vacations, have other weddings pop up, have financial situations change drastically, become pregnant/have children, etc. etc. I would save your time and money and don’t bother sending out anything now. Plan as though everyone you are inviting will attend, and send out save the dates 12 months prior to your wedding.

Timelines exist for a reason and no one can commit to anything earlier than the standard timelines that already exist. For the time being, decide who are your must have guests along with their partners, because that count is needed to find a venue that fits everyone (and includes yourselves and all venues in the number). Whatever that count is, work with the idea that everyone will attend, because B lists don’t work and they are seen as rude in some social circles. Then send save the date notices at 12 months however you normally communicate with them, whether that is phone/text/video, in person, a card in the mail. Do not have any rsvp information on the save the date. Send the invitations no earlier than 8 weeks before the wedding and no later than 6 weeks, with the rsvp due at 4 weeks. No one can commit to anything before 4 weeks, even if the current trend on social media is to have all RSVPs completed by 6 months. It’s not etiquette and it’s realistic.


As for getting phone numbers, ask them however you communicate (email, in person) or get them through a relative or friend.

There is no appropriate or polite way to do this. A save the date is your heads up and an invitation 6-8 weeks ahead of the wedding is what prompts replies, typically requested by a month out. No one is able or willing to tell you what might be two years from now and if they do, anything could happen in the meantime. Typical conflicts are often not known until much closer to the date.

Also, it should not take two years for to save up to attend a wedding. If it does, I can almost guarantee there are other things that should have been prioritized.

Of course, some people may choose to tell you they are excited for the day to come and wouldn't miss it. But that has to come from them, not you. Unfortunately, your situation is not unique or different than anyone else's. You have to issue invitations then wait for replies.

This is exactly what save-the-dates are for. You let people know when the wedding is so they can save the date. You can't ask more from them than that at this stage. You will just have to search for a venue that can accommodate your whole potential guest list. You'll find out who can come when you collect RSVPs a month or two beforehand.

You'll have to plan as if the entire guest list is attending. People could say one thing right now but have things change two years from now.

The uncertainty around final numbers can be stressful if you have to fund a minimum or you’re hoping to fit into a smaller space. The key is to identify venues where you have the needed flexibility to make it work whether everyone can attend or you get 50% regrets.


In the case of the former, you are committed regardless. If fewer guests attend you can upgrade elsewhere to meet the required spend. With the latter you err on the side of most people coming. If you end up with too much space you can look into ways of closing or filling up larger rooms. Many venues account for this. If not, and you’re that concerned, you may want to look for one that can.