Grooms family is not putting in any effort or care in the wedding...what do i do?

It might not be necessarily that they don't care or they're not excited. My FFIL hasn't really said much about the wedding or anything, but I know that he keeps to himself and that him not talking to us about it that much or at all, doesn't mean that he's not happy for us.

Your FH needs to just chat with his family and see what's up. There's really nothing much that you can do, except be there for him. It may just be a miscommunication honestly. Not everyone is head over heels excited at every thing wedding, and it may be hard to read that they're actually quite happy.

My FFIL is very excited that we are getting married but has asked next to nothing about it while my parents are paying, my mom's throwing a bridal shower, etc. I think it's not that FFIL doesn't care that we're getting married - he's not worried about the actual wedding of it because he knows it'll be beautiful! If your FH is genuinely bothered, a discussion could be had - but just because they don't share their excitement for your wedding doesn't mean they aren't happy you're joining their family.

I know how you feel. My fiance's parents couldn't care less about the wedding. His mom didn't even say congratulations. My parents don't care either though. We're paying for everything. You just got to ignore people sometimes, and it's great that your parents are at least helping and involved. Good luck with everything!

I completely get you. My fiance and I are paying for our entire wedding with no help from either family. Not only that but my fiance doesn't even want her family there. We have already started with some vendors. So the best advice that we can give is stay your course and you will be fine and you will appreciate it more when you guys do get married knowing you paid for it out of your OWN pockets. Congrats on you both and best of luck

Part of the problem may just be that they are the type of people who don't get all that excited about weddings. I know that I feel that way. No matter how enthusiastic I might be about my child's FS, I find the details of wedding planning kind of boring. I dealt with the boredom when it was my own wedding (because if my wife or I didn't do it, it didn't get done), but that doesn't mean I really want to hear about anyone else's.

My inclination would be to stop trying to include them in wedding things, because they clearly aren't interested. If they like you, that's the important part.

My FMIL was excited for about the length of a FB post talking about it. She hasn't brought anything up since we got engaged in March. FFIL isn't involved either. My mom will listen to me talk about plans but won't really have any input. I don't think they aren't excited for us, but more like "about time, get it over with already!" They'be been waiting 8 years for this.

I am in a similar boat. My parents are paying for the whole thing, however my in laws did offer to help out. I told her from the start I wanted her as involved as possible, but she doesn't ask how its going she just waits for me to tell her things. I have included her in my Pinterest board and every detail, I inform her on. We have gone to the venue a few times to go over decor and look at the venue, but they have not attended with us. They finally will for the tasting. It really does bum me out though because I do not want them to feel left out in any way. I also don't want to bug her if she really doesnt care all that much. I wish they were there from the start with us.

FFIL said “No money is coming out of this house for a wedding” immediately after FH told him about being engaged. They’re pissed that he’s contributing to the wedding because my parents are “supposed to pay”. We got engaged in March and neither FFIL or FMIL has said a word about the wedding since then. It bothers FH, I think more than he’s willing to admit. But I know there’s nothing I can do to make it better. Some things you just gotta let go of. If they aren’t interested then you can’t make them be interested. Enjoy the lack of meddling and enjoy planning! That’s my plan at least.

FH's family doesn't ask us anything. We even postponed and they never inquired to the new date. Ahh well. It kind of makes me wonder why they don't but i have not 1 care in the world why they haven't asked. Not my problem. As long as i care. Some of FH extended family has asked but i was initially surprised of his siblings being that they are a close family.

This is very common actually. My in-laws didn't talk about the wedding at all before it happened but afterward they talked about it for months! Don't worry about it. Some are more excited than others.

View Quoted Comment My future in laws are the same, glad I’m not the only one. They are doing the rehearsal dinner per tradition. We’re paying for 80%+ of it, my parents are helping some. Future in laws are pissed that FH is having to pay for anything because they believe my parents should pay for it all. Most of the cost is coming from my savings and they’re still pissed and have made a few passive aggressive comments. Besides FMIL coming dress shopping they haven’t been involved since learning that my parents aren’t paying.

Yep, try not to stress about it! My parents are paying for the wedding and are so outwardly excited. They still want to talk about it constantly. When we got engaged, FH's mom didn't even reach out to me to congratulate us or anything for an entire week (once FH reminded her that she should call me). Afterwards she expressed interest in being involved in venue searching which we had to exclude her from because my parents weren't comfortable with her knowing the costs, and she wants to come dress shopping with me in a few months which I'm okay with. She's asked one other time about how planning is going but that's it. FH's dad however, hasn't asked a single thing and if it wasn't for the fact that we saw him the day after booking the venue and brought it up, he wouldn't even know where/when. He didn't call to congratulate us either but his birthday was a few days later so I called him and he congratulated us then. FH's whole family knew about the proposal a month before it happened so maybe the excitement had worn off. His grandparents are still very excited though and ask all the time. This long ramble to basically to say, people will respond and react in different ways and you have to try not to take it personally. If they like you and like the two of you together, I'm sure they're totally happy about it and just express things in a different way than you may prefer.

I’m sorry you guys are going through that! It can be stressful, but just appreciate and focus more on the love and support you get from your parents! It’s such an exciting thing to have everything fall in line for your wedding...don’t let that get to you! our situation is an interesting one because my FFIL is SO excited for us and they have been doing everything they can financially, advice wise, etc....but my family hasn’t dont much of anything. I grew up with just my Grandma, my uncle, my brother and my aunt (but she didn’t live with us and wasn’t really around as much as she says she was.) My granny is happy for me but she immediately told us that we just need to go to Vegas and get married and be done and was on my butt about me wanting to spend 10k-15k for a wedding. My brother hasn’t helped or offered help and my Aunt offered to pay for my dress but tried to control when I got it, where it was from, the style of dress (which please read my “I Bought My Dress” forum on this mess). My uncle is the only one on my side of the family who has sent me money to help and who continually supports us in wedding planning. It does get stressful, but at this point you know who is there and who isn’t willing to help. Take time and figure out how you can utilize what and who you have to make your wedding a reality! Hope this helps!! 💜

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Omg!! The exact same boat. They made a rude comment to me saying, "That's ALL your parents are contributing??"... I almost lost my cool with that one. And then when they found out we are paying for the majority of it, instead of asking how they can help they say to their son, (with me there), "Better find cheap ways to do this wedding then..." I have lost some respect for them over this, that's for sure. I'm sorry you're going through the same thing, it is an awful feeling. And it sucks when people are stuck on tradition from the 1800's!

How is your relationship with his family/parents? Any possibility they feel you may rushed into this wedding or is there no sign of that at all? I'm going to be honest, I think the wedding planning really sets the tone for in laws for the future lol. Don't let it get you down. Let your parents be happy about it and do most of the planning. Your marrying your fiance, not his parents

I had a similar situation. Honestly, you're wedding is over a year away so they probably will start taking more of an interest when it gets closer. I wouldn't take it personally.

My future mother-in-law is sort of the same way. When my fiance told her we are engaged, she didn't show any excitement at all. She said "that's good, where are your engagement rings?" She was more concerned with a piece of jewelry than the fact that her son and I, having been together for 6 years are getting married. We have 2 beautiful daughters together and started from nothing. She exudes absolutely happiness. Mind you, my fiance says that his mom reacts to huge news like this for everyone. I'll give her some time. I've had major issues with his mom in the past for boundary issues, respect, and stuff like that. She hasn't offered any support be it financial or emotional support.

Maybe the future in laws are in a hardship time and it’s really embarrassing to them not to be able to pay for anything. I know it happens because it happened to a friend of mine and the bride and her parents are still upset over it. They even ignored my friend at the wedding.

I think for lots of parents it’s hard to be excited when “nothing is new except the sheets”! Modern couples are living together before marriage so it’s to be expected that modern day parents are not as excited.

Old thread, but I think it’s often that some parents cling to the IMO dated idea that wedding planning is the domain of the bride and her parents. Some don’t want to step on toes, others don’t feel they have the right to be involved if they aren’t contributing or are afraid they’ll get hit up for a contribution if they are so they keep a low profile.