Garter Toss Drama

Don't feel bad at all about setting boundaries. Especially since his family seems as though they have been quite intent on crossing all of the boundaries over the course of your relationship.

Personally, I'm not only not doing the garter toss, but I'm not tossing my bouquet either. I find both traditions to be demeaning to the people who are forced to participate, both the couple and the single individuals. I've been dragged (sometimes literally) on to the dance floor to catch the bouquet too many times, and felt absolutely humiliated the whole time, to force anyone to do it at ours.

Maybe brainstorm together other thing you can do instead of these two things. I like the idea of using a baseball or sports ball of some kind - though if his family is super Cubs fans, maybe look into other things that are traditions at Cubs games (such as some teams do rally towels etc). Or something else like that where it becomes fun for not only your guests, but both of you.

Above all - don't do anything (or feel bad about refusing!) that will give you a panic attack at your own wedding. Its the only thing you'll remember about it if you do.

I know these are conventional but why are they even done? It maybe is to spur on more engagements and make people hopeful. But, right. We are dragged into these ceremonies so often unwillingly.

I absolutely can't stand the garter toss. And I find it truly baffling that it's a tradition within some religious circles. Like, uhhh, what? I'm so sorry that his family has put so much stress on you! If my fiance's family (or really anyone) said things like that, I'd be either out of there immediately, or consumed with anxiety and so worried about appearances. I've also seen some of the most uncomfortable garter "retrievals" ever at Christian weddings. Like way too far up the dress, and there is no way this is appropriate for children.

I think a good idea - since you've said he doesn't seem enthused with some of the suggested alternatives - is to talk with him about what he likes about this. Because I feel like if you can get at the root of what makes him excited, maybe you can find a substitute that will also make him excited. Even if it's something more creative, like tossing a cowboy hat or part of his attire (no idea if he likes hats, but since you're presumably tossing a bouquet, he could toss something of his).

Otherwise, I think a themed garter (like the Cubs) that has literally never been on your body may be another good alternative. That way you can look at it, and know that it just came out of it's packaging and never touched you. In case that thought would help you feel less icky and judged. I feel like it would help me. But best of luck! You clearly really want him to have a lovely wedding and love him very much. And I'm sure he appreciates how much you're trying to find a solution. I'm also glad that he's very willing to put your needs above a silly tradition. I'm sure you both will find a good solution. And no matter what - this one moment will not affect how great your wedding will be.