fmil wants to use last available invites for family

I think with your small guest count, friends are definitely allowed instead of extended family you've never met. I personally would first, speak with your partner, but then be firm with FMIL and say that you're keeping your wedding intimate and that you want to ensure people you know already will get to celebrate with you.

I would first communicate to your husband about your concerns and then sit down with your FMIL about your concerns and why you don't want to invite certain people. It's your wedding day and sometimes you have to cut out some people based on your budget, how close you are to them/not close to them.

It's perfectly fine to have more friends you have close relationships with than extended family members.

If you don't talk or have a decent relationship with some of your extended family members, you shouldn't have to invite them. Especially if you're trying to keep your guest count small, you need to be selective.

I think you are putting everyone in a bad position if you do not invite the oldest members of his family. It's not like you have any quarrels with them. Who knows, they may decline for health or other reasons and free up that spot. But, it is offensive in many cultures to not at least extend an invite to certain people. You could wait to save for a wedding of your choosing with a larger guestlist, but even then I would recommend not snubbing elders who could very well die the following year.

I understand they are paying but the invites should go to friends and honestly at the end of the day it is your wedding and you get to invite whoever you want so sorry to your fmil but oh well

Also it’s in a backyard so I don’t understand a cap? Or why you can’t fit 4 people over the cap

Ok so first of all it's your fiancé's family so really for him to deal with. You two present a united front, but he needs to deal with his family.

The party is in their yard and they are paying for a chunk of it. Money comes with strings unfortunately, and I don't think just saying "no" is going to work. It is their home and they want those people there. I'm not sure you have any control over that.

Taylor has a good point though, what about increasing the cap?

Who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying, you decide. If someone else is contributing even a penny, they get to decide. If you want full control, you need to pay for everything yourselves. It doesn’t matter where the venue is. I’m surprised that best friends didn’t make the original list. It sends the idea that they aren’t important to you at all. Why is mother in law not able to host relatives at another time such as starting a family reunion picnic tradition at a local park? Why are you inviting anyone who is not close to you? You will have regrets if you don’t. Increase the guest count to allow for the best friends or cut people you aren’t close to. Never invite anyone out of obligation to please other people that don’t increase your happiness by having them there. Only invite people you can’t imagine the day without. Not everyone is BFFs with every relative and people can tell when they are invited because they are filling seats to make others happy.



October is a long time from now and it’s too early to send invites. But not too early to start the save the date phone calls as is standard in mom’s generation.

In this scenario what I would say is, have his parents added anyone else to the guest list or did you ask them before making the guest list? If they haven't asked for anyone else to be invited, and they're hosting/paying for a portion, unfortunately I do think they should be allowed to invite a few people. Is there any way you can add a few more people to the list? Or maybe some that have been invited won't be able to make it and your numbers will even out. I don't normally think you "have" to invite distant relatives or all relatives. But in this scenario, I think it might be the right thing to do.