fmil going rogue.. help

Would taking an evening and making her dinner and having a 2 or 3 hour wedding planning palooza help? It sounds exhausting and horrible. But sit her down, feed her, go over all your plans. In excruciating detail. Find if there's places she can help you with. Go thru your guest list. These people she added, who are they? Who are they to you? Is it that important that they be there? Basically overload her.


If you have anything for her to do, put it down in writing. Make sure your vendors know that no changes should be made by medling mothers.

I would have your FH talk to her and tell her she needs to leave the rest of the wedding planning to you. He should tell her no more adding guests or talking to vendors at all. He should put his foot down.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah, Ill definitely try that. The people she keeps adding are some Family members that i haven't met (and honestly if she forgot about them for a year, doesn't seem like an importance to me) I don't even think my FH knows who they are. Or, they are some of her work friends...

View Quoted Comment

Yeah, he kind of does here and there but not enough apparently if she is still doing all this.

View Quoted Comment

I would call all the vendors as I think a pp said and tell them that from now on only you two can make decisions and that information cannot be shared with others. I would let her know that no more people can be added to the wedding at this time unless she can afford their dinner. I will ask though is she paying for any of the wedding?

View Quoted Comment

She paid a deposit for the flowers (originally wanted to pay for the all the flowers until last week I guess) and the bar deposit, she insisted. But everything else we are paying for.

View Quoted Comment Then she has no say. Tell vendors do not let her make changes.

I'm sure she just wants to feel involved in her son's wedding but it's perfectly reasonable for you to not allow this level of meddling. I definitely think you should talk to your FH and all vendors as PPs suggested. But to try and pacify her, maybe doing one night of crafts/planning will help her feel involved and also get her to understand you have your own vision and don't need her making projects up for her own satisfaction. Good luck 🙈

This is where your FH needs to firmly but nicely tell his mom to back off. I know he's in a tough spot, but if she's behaving like this now, imagine how much worse it will be after you're married (like buying a house, or having a baby). It's sweet she wants to help, but she isn't just stepping on your toes, she's stomping on your foot. I agree with Kristen, tell your vendors the only person who can make changes is you. Maybe let her be in charge of one thing, like decorating for the rehearsal dinner, to give her something to put all that energy into. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment

I let her take over the rehearsal dinner, so she's in charge of that, but literally today she texted me about the florist again and said she reached out and was asking about center pieces and how they are arranged. It feels like whenever i give her something to do or be in charge of, she will some how bring me into it and bring up more things i did not want her involvement in. We do definitely need to have a talk with her.

View Quoted Comment

Oh gosh... she's off the deep end then haha! I am so sorry this happening! And yes, the sooner you and FH set those firm boundaries, the less stressful planning will be! I would for sure call your vendors ASAP and tell them not to entertain her changes.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah Definitely. Thanks so much!

View Quoted Comment

Of course!

Dealt with similar situation... either you take initiative or you and FH. Sit down and tell her how you feel. It’s your wedding, it might hurt her feelings but say,” this decor is ugly, these are my vendors, and you need to ask us for approval” give your vendors codes and explain others may try to change what you want, set those boundaries