First look, without sneaking up on him

So the best ones I’ve seen is where you tell the groom to turn around. Have the bride walk up a bit (not too close so the groom can get full view) then the photographer or the bride says turn around!

I think it works a little smoother than just tapping them on the shoulder so that there is more distance for them to take in the view of you. Because if you’re too close they almost have to step back to see you.

If you wanted to avoid him getting a look but still get pictures, you could have him wear a blindfold? Or I've seen really cute ones where they're both around a corner from each other but holding hands. Or a door in between you. There's also the cute idea I saw where a bride had a curtain in between them, and then the curtain was pulled back to reveal her. There are ways to make it cute and fun. Do you guys have a fun hobby you do together?

Dear Chelsea,


I have the same issue! I’m planning on approaching him from a small distance during our first look and hopefully we can get a picture of him looking up at me. We’re hoping that our photographer can take pictures from above us or at least at a distance so that it gives the perception of me “coming into focus.” We want some candid kind of photos and to say a few words before the ceremony so that we can 1) cut the ceremony a bit short by sharing our personalized vows during this time, and 2) give each other pep talks c:
Maybe you can do something similar? I hope that my expiration of what we’re doing helped in some way! I’ve always liked the idea of a first look and I’m glad to see that other people like the idea as well!
Aubrianna Abbema

Omg every single word you wrote is EXACTLY how I feel. I told my fiancé from the start that we are not doing the “Tappy Tap” as I call it. I hate it. Not only is it awkward AF but it’s also super overdone. We’ve been brainstorming different ways to do it but so far I’m coming up short. I want the whole “walking down the aisle” emotional vibe too but I think it’s going to feel stiff and staged no matter what because of the photographers and videographers there directing everything so they get the right images. I’m going to follow this thread but so far google and YouTube has fallen short!

A first look doesn’t have to be so scripted. How about skipping the whole “back turned” part and just meet at a specific location? You’ll see one other as either you walk up. To me that’s more natural. We’ll probably just have FH walk over to my hotel room and open the door as I’m standing there (which will be more comfortable and intimate)... just us and the photographer without any onlookers.

View Quoted Comment I love that, we’re having an estate wedding where the hotel rooms are in the old stable house so o was thinking maybe him be outside in the gazebo and I walk from the room to him, just kind of natural.

View Quoted Comment That sounds perfect!

View Quoted Comment I think as long as you inform the photographer that you don’t want posed photos, and for them to get whatever shots they can, then it will be natural. We’re not recreating first look pics. So if all the photographer gets is pics of us hugging and smiling, then that’s perfect. I don’t want them giving us any directions during that part.

I know exactly what you mean! I tried googled variations of, "first looks that aren't cheesy," to no avail. The bridal suite at our venue is on the second floor, so if possible, we'll probably walk toward each other on the stairs (I walk down, he walks up, we meet in middle). If that's not a good place for the photographer to get a good angle, he'll probably just come into the bridal suite and I'll just be standing there.

Quite honestly I feel like there is no way to create the same feeling as a “walking down the aisle moment” without actually walking down the aisle. To me the whole concept of a first look feels really forced 😐 unpopular opinion I know, most people on here will disagree with me and this is NOT to criticize you or anyone else who is choosing to do one... I’m just saying for me personally, I valued the genuineness of him seeing me down the aisle for the first time and having that amazing feeling, over the “more photo time” 🤷🏻‍♀️


(I do agree though for sure that I always cringe every time I see the “tap” photos so I’m really glad you said it hahaha, if you ARE going to do a first look I think honestly anything is better than that)

Hm.... I thought of this. The whole “tapping” thing make me cringe. It feels funny to me.


I always thought I would meet him at the ceremony (altar), but since we are having a destination beach wedding, and we will ride 1 hour a limo to that beach together, I am not sure I would let him see me on the hotel stairs coming down, or have him blind folded the whole time he’s in limo 🤣

If you have a staircase the decent always looks pretty! We are just planning for no first look - but its a totally personal decision.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree!! Until joining this forum, I didn’t realize just how many people choose to sacrifice that once in a lifetime moment of walking down the aisle, in favor of more camera time! I totally get the appeal of it- wedding photography is super expensive, you want lots of photos but don’t want to keep guests waiting, you want to enjoy cocktail hour, limited sunlight, etc. etc. But to me, none of that is worth the sacrifice of experiencing that moment of seeing my groom at the end of the aisle for the 1st time.

View Quoted Comment First look isn’t just for camera time, in fact that’s not really a reason at all that we are doing it. We are very private and kind of anxious people so we want to have that genuine raw moment in private without all eyes on us — to really feel it and enjoy just being in each other’s presence without the pressure. It is such an anticipated moment and we don’t want to feel anxious during it so that’s why we chose a private first look. Personally I am not super looking forward to standing up in front of 100 people so the first look allows us to have that moment just the two of us. Just wanted to offer a different perspective on it(:

I don’t think there’s anything cringey or cheesy about a first look. Just like the PP said, my FH and I are doing one because we’re both shy and anxious people. This allows us our special moment of seeing each other for the first time to be private and takes pressure off the ceremony. I don’t think anything could make my first look uncomfortable with my FH because it’ll be special no matter how we do it. I’ve never seen first look pictures that I thought looked awkward or uncomfortable, and I think those are some of the best pictures. If you don’t want to do the tap just have him turn around or come down a staircase, but if you keep thinking it’ll be awkward, it will be.

We did a first look where we were both positioned in the opposite sides of a tree and so we took some photos that way first where we are holding hands

kind of like this:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F156640893264720676%2F&psig=AOvVaw21IAMHrmkAGbnCwEJRVvOA&ust=1585667799029000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCMjhk4W_wugCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD

How about the groom waiting of the bottom of stairs and have the bride walk down the stairs?

View Quoted Comment

This, exactly. There are many reasons (practical and otherwise) to have a first look but there is NO REASON to do a scripted, playacting one (unless that's what you want) just because that's what other people have done.

It can easily be a sweet, private moment between about-to-be-married-people, and having a photographer there can result in very sweet pictures. It's so weird to me that this relatively new trend has already become some sort of set-in-stone Instagram-dictated thing, which makes people question whether or not they have to "follow the rules". There are no rules (and this is a good thing).

View Quoted Comment This is exactly why we decided to do a first look. We were on the fence about it at first because I didnt want to give up the whole first look while walking down the aisle. My photographers have photographed hundreds of weddings and said that during the first looks both the bride and groom are far more comfortable and they get to share the intimate moment with just eachother. The ceremony itself is scripted and in front of all your friends and family who are all waiting for the groom's reaction. So with the first look it takes that pressure off and the groom amd bride act more natural. My photographers advised me to save my veil for the ceremony to add something a little extra that he hasnt seen yet and also because if you wear it during the first look it's probably going to end up getting pulled on. The first look is the part of my wedding that I am looking forward to the most and I dont expect that it will be cheesy at all.