First look with an un-emotional groom

Presumably you know him and love him how he is now, as an "unemotional" person (he's probably not actually without emotion, just that he doesn't show them in a big way). You are right that you can't change his visible reaction and I honestly don't understand why you would want to. You should each show up on your wedding day as your genuine selves and your photos should reflect reality not fantasy.

First looks can be practical and really nice for a lot of reasons (especially the private moment together before all of the hoopla). Do one if it works for your schedule and your day, but don't do one if you need to see a certain reaction on film that you aren't likely to get. What would happen if you decide not to do a first look, to try to engineer that visible-in-photos emotional reaction for the aisle, but your future spouse was still just his normal "unemotional" self then, too. Would you be unhappy throughout your entire ceremony?

All of that is to say that I think the only dilemma here is that you should be working to reset your expectations, not that you should try to come up with the perfect plan to get the photos of your dreams. The first time you two see each that day will be special, no matter where it takes place or what his face looks like.

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You're right. I think i'm stuck on the implication of the first look needing to be some big emotional moment when that doesnt have to be the case for everyone, and I shouldnt be comparing our experience to what I see and hear everywhere else.

I realize the expectation for a reaction is absolutely a "me" thing, and something I would have to work on prior to the day if we went this route. I also dont want to put pressure on him to not be himself for the sake of a photo-op. Im sure we can come up with an alternative that feels more "us".

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have seen too many awkward and fake first look photos! That is exactly why we have decided not to do them. We are going to do all photos with our wedding party and parents/siblings prior to the ceremony, then FH and I will do our photos together after, during cocktail hour. The sun will have set by the time we take our photos, but we both love nighttime photos, so that wasn’t an issue for us. Plus, half of the photos will be taken inside the venue as well. If you absolutely do not want to do your photos after the ceremony, and want to get them done prior, maybe you could do your first look privately with just the 2 of you, and secretly set up your phone somewhere hidden to record the moment. I honestly think most of the fake/awkward first look photos happen because you have a photographer with a camera in your faces and the groom feels pressured to have this big, over-the-top reaction. If it’s just the two of you, and he doesn’t know he is being recorded, the moment will feel much more intimate and he is more likely to give a genuine reaction. And then you will have a beautiful, real-time video of your first look, and can do photos together with the photographer right after.

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Thats honestly my main concern is just bad or awkward/unusable photos. we definitely want all photos done prior to ceremony so we can just party after honestly. I'm not even fully sold on the idea of an intimate first look moment. If we can come up with an idea thats more fun and less pressured I would definitely go for that. Thats why Im thinking about potentially having our families involved in our first look. I just dont want the pressure there of it needing to be this super sweet and tender moment when thats not going to be the way he reacts to it.

View Quoted Comment Oh, I wasn’t suggesting he would have some sort of sweet, tender moment if you hid the camera. I just meant you would get an honest reaction out of him rather than some fake, over the top reaction. If you were looking for something more along the lines of comic relief, I’ve seen where people have had the best man dress up in an old goodwill wedding dress for the first look, so when the groom turns around expecting to see his bride, he really sees his best man in a dress & cracks up. The photos from those are usually really funny! Then, the real bride comes out. Definitely takes the pressure off the groom. I’ve also seen where people work with their photographers to spring the moment on the groom, when he isn’t expecting it. For example, you could have the photographer taking pictures of just him, or him and his groomsmen, and you unexpectedly pop in. Just the unexpectedness of it is enough to take the pressure off him feeling as though he needs to have a fake reaction in the moment. Most likely, his expression will be surprised! Or you could go even more unexpected, and photo bomb his individual pictures/pics with his groomsmen. Or you and your bridesmaids could crash his pics flash mob style! And you could do some cute shots after surprising him…like giving each other high fives instead of some overdramatic, romantic thing.

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Oh I LOVE the surprise idea!! You may have just saved my life lol

View Quoted Comment LOL! Yay! There’s always a solution to every problem. Just get creative with it, and make it your own! I think the surprise pictures will be amazing!

My FH us very reserved. I like him that way, to me it’s very sexy.
If we were doing a first look I know I’d look in his eyes and see how much he loves me.
You don’t need to photograph it, or film it, or record it in any way, it will be special no matter what.

So I had similar concerns before my wedding. My husband is also non emotional and I knew that he would never cry if he saw me walking down the aisle. I actually wanted to do a first look because I thought it would make him more comfortable if it was just the two of us. I still worried that his non emotion would show on camera and the pictures would look bad.
It actually turned out perfect! He didn’t cry, wasn’t close to crying but he looked so very happy. It was still a strong reaction from him, he was happy and found me beautiful and that shows in pictures.
I know how hard it can be, but try not to worry about this too much! I’m sure your fiancé will be surprised and happy to see you and that will absolutely reflect in pictures. And if not, those “first time we see each other” pictures are a veryyyyy small portion of the pictures you’ll take and you will have plenty of other pictures taken together!

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Thanks so much! Im hoping once we do our engagement shoot itll make me feel better about his comfortability in front of the camera too

View Quoted Comment The engagement shoot helped make me feel better about it too!

Honestly I would do what feels right to you guys. I’m usually super emotional and thought I’d cry when I got proposed to and found my dress, but didn’t. However those moments were and still are soooooo precious to me. Also your photographer is a professional and will do their best to capture that moment. I would even speak to them about it. Just give them a heads up and let them work their magic. We may not always react how we want but it can be a beautiful moment for you two. Best of luck!

Does the first look and reaction need to be photographed at all? Could you plan a private moment with your FH as the first look without anyone else around, then have the photographer come in after 10 minutes (or whatever time frame you want) to take posed photos of you two? That would take off the pressure of him having the "perfect" reaction for a photo op.

My hubby didn’t tear up at first look or our ceremony. Oh well. He’s not that kind of guy. But our first look photos were my favorite! We were relaxed and took some epic shots around our wedding site. I still recommend it.

I definitely felt some type of way at first cause my husband got emotional at a friend's wedding but during our first look and ceremony, I got zilch but a smile and a compliment lol. I'm (sort of) over it now lol. I feel like sometimes an unemotional person can be placed in a specific situation to become emotional. Seems like you won't know until the day of but if you don't end up getting the reaction you want, I'm pretty sure it will be far from awkward.

He may surprise you.

A lot of stoic guys will hold those emotional moments in for when they really count, and this will be one of them.

Even if he's not a super emotional guy in the sense of over-the-top reactions and crying, I'm sure he smiles with you. Maybe don't expect a super crazy "first look" photo, but I'm sure if you guys can possibly set it up in a place where you could relax a little bit and just talk to each other then he might loosen up and you can get some great candid shots of you two just enjoying each other's company. To me, those photos are a better reflection of a relationship and a marriage over some of the cheesy "OMG" ones.