Fiancé’s doesnt have boundaries in planning

I’ve always wanted to elope, and my partner and I came to the agreement to “essentially” elope with our parents and siblings present. When we decided to start moving in the direction of the idea, he immediately told both sets of parents without me present or even knowing (I thought we would keep it a secret.) we weren’t even engaged yet and he shared many details of all the ideas we thought up. Now every time I try brainstorming ideas with him, it seems like he goes and discusses it with his mom and brings me feedback (she leans towards traditional and a lot of her advice is about how we should extend invites or have a bigger reception later on.) my parents have to travel across the country for the elopement day, so they were aware of the date and his parents were too. However within a few weeks his mom said she hopes we don’t mind, but she mentioned to her sister the month we are getting married and that it’s a secret (apparently her sister was trying to plan something.)


I was extremely hurt and upset by this. We still aren’t even engaged (elopement is a few months away) and now his mom is telling people the details about this special secret. I told my partner we should have a discussion with his mom to reiterate that this isn’t for her to share, and I said we could go together this weekend. He said he’d be busy until next week, so I thought we’d go in a bit. Instead he called her himself and explained it. She also has ideas about who should officiate (for religious purposes, although neither of us aligns with the religion.)
My partner says he feels like he’s walking on egg shells with me because I’m very on edge about people sharing our news. I just feel like a very special moment (sharing that I’m engaged or married) is being taken from me, and I feel like even the planning is. I’m also feeling a bit distrusting because he seems to want to talk with everyone in private without me present (so far I haven’t talked with his parents about getting married even once.) he hasn’t been like this since we’ve started dating, but I feel like as soon as we started planning the elopement things got weird. He seems easily swayed by his mom and he’s not a very firm communicator with her, so now he told her to just keep it a secret until we announce our engagement, and then she can tell people about how we are eloping (this is not okay with me) and then we will have a reception they can come to later. I wish I had been there for this conversation because I don’t think his mom should tell people that. We plan to send out invitations and announcements, so his mom shouldn’t be inviting people for us. He seemed like he was on the same page with me, but then we discussed it after he talked with his mom and he acted surprised that I thought that’s what we should do.
I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and he’s so sweet, but in such a short time there’s been a lot of tension surrounding our plans. I don’t want him to feel like he’s walking on egg shells during such a special time, and I want us to enjoy it together, but I also feel like his lack of boundaries means that in order for us to enjoy it I must resign every dream of my wedding day so his mom can decide what to do. How do I handle this in a loving manner?