Fiance doesn't want to invite his parents to our wedding

Yes, you should support his decision. And perhaps you can both explain to your parents the decision. You want people that love and support you there at your wedding, and if his parents aren't going to do that, he's right, it's better to exclude them altogether and let him bask in love from those who CHOOSE to be there.

But if he wanted to elope and you wanted the wedding, I think you should find a compromise rather than winning. Perhaps have a smaller wedding with those you're closest to, so he's not so stressed out; perhaps an intimate ceremony then a larger reception. Him being stressed about a large wedding will do no one any good.

I feel you should completely support your FH's feelings on this. If he wants to avoid the drama & not invite them... let it be. He has his reasons. As for your parents "dealing with it," they don't have to, do they? This is a perfect example of what loving husbands & wives do... support each other even if they don't understand.

Umm yes you should support his decision

can you compromise with a very small traditional wedding since he wanted to elope?

Hmm, what about a destination wedding? Seems unlikely they would come from what you've said. But the money to get there would give them a semi-reasonable out that your FH could deal with. That's rough, I'm sorry.

I think you could possibly call them and talk with them about the wedding and see how they feel about it. See if they even want to come. My FMIL doesnt want anything to do with the wedding. She is going on a cruise because of how much she dislikes me. So were not even stressing about her. If they dont want to come then dont invite them and it will be no problem.

I would support his decision, this is his day too and if he doesn't want them there that's his choice

You should absolutely support his decision. If they are heavy drinkers- it's either don't invite them or have a dry bar, in which case they may just bring a flask anyway like my sister's father in law did.

Reconciliation is wonderful- but not always possible. And even if it is possible, the time for reconciliation is not at your wedding. It's either way before, or sometime after.

I would try to get a videographer for the event in case either of them do come around and then you can tell them that you had a video made so they could experience it too.

Sorry for the hard decisions... The family drama that comes with weddings can be unbearable sometimes and at times has also made us consider eloping. But everything will work out alright. In my opinion, I wouldn't risk havoc being wrecked on my wedding day with having unpredictable family members there.

Thank you all! I wanted to be more descriptive in my initial message but i was limited by the character limit of that text box, haha!

Anyhow, the phrase "I won" isn't like it sounds. I was saving characters (lol) but should've wrote that we both agreed to have the wedding. My fiance thought he could figure out the family stuff, or perhaps it was far enough out that he just hoped it would get better, but it hasn't.

Our venue and vendors are booked so a destination wedding is out of the question. We will have about 80-100 at the wedding so in some respects, it is small.

It's tough for me because i am extremely close with my parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and have a solid group of friends from HS and college. He has some great friends that support him, but the family piece is missing. I just hope that if we opt not to invite them, he won't regret it later. I think he will be less stressed about the whole day, particularly the drama that could ensue among them..

Thank you Mary! We do have a videographer booked. I agree that the time for reconciliation is not at the wedding! If they want to be better people/parents, they should show us that before hand. I don't think they know they they might not be invited... My fiance has said several times, can we just not invite them? I didn't think he was actually serious until recently... Of course i will support whatever he decides. My parents are paying for the wedding (his family is giving $0) so i really hope to have their support on this too...

Yes, it is his family and it is his decision. My husband did not invite his father. We discussed at length if he should or should not but it was his final decision and not doing so allowed him to relax and enjoy the day with me and the family that loves and supports him.

Even if your parents are paying, they do not get a say in this. They can have a say in their own guest list, but not his!

I know it is hard to understand as someone that is close to their own family (I am the same way), but all families are different.

If he is worried about them crashing, you should not have a wedding website and hire security.

Most definitely support his decision! Its his day also!... You all want ppl who care, love and support your union.

Stephanie, thank you! Great tip about the wedding website. I hadn't thought of that. We are 10 mos out so we'll see how it all pans out. When he mentioned the date to his father a while back, his dad didn't congratulate us, didn't seem excited, just said that the date "wasn't the best timing for him." Seriously?!

I know all families are different but some of the stories I've heard are heartbreaking. I had a fantastic upbringing and feel really sad that my fiance didn't have the same. He has learned from it though and knows exactly what kind of person/father he does NOT want to be. The more I am thinking through this, i support WHATEVER he decides and will be firm with my parents that we need the same from them. I want him to be happy and comfortable on our big day!

Thank you all for the words of wisdom!!

My FH is not inviting his mom, and I've never met her. And I'm not inviting my dad, and my FH had never met him. Family is just complicated.

We are not inviting my father or the majority of his family to our wedding. I think it's better to think about the guest list as, "Here are the people we're going to share our special day with!" and not, "Okay, so who are we NOT going to invite?"

K- I'm not in the same exact situation as you, but feel like that maybe we come from a similar family. It's hard to imagine when we were lucky to have our upbringing the kind of resentment/issues people have when they have had less than stellar parents. Having parents who are not happy/do not support what is happening/etc. will only create negative emotions for him. It should be a happy day. He's better off without them there.

I am suppose to be the mother of the groom. My son called me and told me his girlfriend wanted to meet me, and I took them to a really nice dinner, and I went to the engagement party, but felt very alone.
My son couldn't even talk to me. I raised him alone, sent him to good schools, paid for most of his college and then I was the worst thing ever.

Now, after months of preparing to go to a wedding, and thousands of dollars spent, he doesn't want me to come. I hear what people are saying, but a wedding is not just two people getting married...it's two families. Its a day that honors the family.
I'm really beyond hurt. And it's going to be a small window if time that can't be replayed. It can't be redone, and how does a family move forward. The children are going to be part of your parents...andvif course you....
You only get one mother and one father. You are a product of them, and probably like them. I think people need to include their parents.
I'm really heart broken, but my son and his fiance have decided I shouldn't be at the wedding, but going forward that door might permanently close.
I have a special wedding gift, and I'll send it, but my son will never be able to correct this moment.
I know that people will look at my son and his fiance, but the buzzing will be circulating that my son's mother isn't at the wedding, and it will buzz a long time.
I did my best to welcome her into our family, but I really feel that I I am excluded, I can just close and lock the door and payback will come one day down the road.