Feelings hurt by friend - move on or how to handle it?

I may be in the minority here, but I think it was rude and unnecessary for you to call her out on not inviting you to whatever they hosted. I don’t know why she chose not to invite you, but it doesn’t feel like something that needed to be addressed. Most friendships don’t have an equal value to both parties, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t value you.

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Personally I don’t like to just pretend like things didn’t happen – you might find it rude that I spoke to her about it but I prefer to address the elephant in the room. If I did had done the same to her or anyone else I wouldn't be surprised if I too were called out on it.

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I agree with this. And I also don't think everyone needs to be invited to everything all the time. There are so many variables that go into making guest lists for events, that I think it's a mistake to assume that a non-invitation is a slight.

I too, would have been hurt, but I think it depends on the way you called this out. The issue isn't so much calling it out, but now you kind of don't have anywhere to move to, in a way.

I might have addressed it as something like...

'hey, I heard you had/are having a dinner party over the weekend. I was sad to miss out on an opportunity to meet X - we'd really like to meet your wonderful new partner, especially before the wedding!'

it makes it clear you know she left you out, that you're keen to meet him, highlights that you've been kind enough to invite him to your expensive event, and implies it would be polite on her part to make the effort to invite you to meet him before the day.

it's a bit more difficult to address what you actually want (to meet this rando before he comes to your wedding) without looking/her thinking you're being dramatic.

The only thing I can think to do would be to respond to her by saying 'sorry to hear you think that - we're spending a lot of money on our wedding and are inviting x soley out of love for you, since we haven't met, so just a bit disappointed we missed this chance to do that. Let's arrange a dinner sometime soon - we're excited to meet x.'

How far away is the wedding at this point?

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I agree with this. Your feelings are valid but confronting anyone about it is where the problem arises that didn’t need to take place.

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If it had been a few others from our circle invited only then I wouldn’t have said anything, but the fact that I was told literally everyone was there is what got me (after all, Sadie told me about it because she noticed I was the only one in our group who wasn’t present). Maybe it’s an Australian thing (I know other responses on this post have been from Americans) but I just couldn’t not address it.

I did approach it in as gentle a manner as possible, quite similar to how you put it. It was just the fact that she brushed the whole thing off that bothered me.

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Aussie here too - it definitely is weird and rude.

The only thing I can think of... could it be that they thought having an engaged couple there, when they are such a new relationship, would be awkward since it brings up the topic of serious relationships, of commitments and life milestones and other things that might be uncomfortable for a couple just finding their feet and seeing what they are to each other?

It doesn't excuse it but it's the only thing I can think of that would explain the behaviour.

I think now, the best option is to follow up making it clear you'd like to meet, BEFORE the wedding, and depending on how you phrased your intention to invite him, that you invited him on the assumption that you'd meet him shortly, and if that doesn't happen, he won't receive an invitation.

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Yeah that’s what I mean, the American position seems to be “no you don’t address it” but I think we Australians tend to be more upfront about things. If some people think it’s rude of me for calling her out, they’re welcome to that opinion, but I would argue that it is just as rude to specifically exclude a friend from an event. In my books, friendships are built on trust and honesty and what type of friendship is it if you don't let the other know when they've upset you.

When we discussed it a few weeks it came up because I asked her to confirm the spelling of his surname and when she asked why, I told her “we are inviting him to the wedding – obviously we haven’t met him yet but he is your partner it’s only right that we acknowledge your relationship and invite him too, of course keen to meet him beforehand!”.

Because this party was held at his place, and they are a new couple, I would assume only those who have previously met him (or at least one member of a couple) were invited to the party. If this isn’t the case, I would again try talking to your friend to find out if something is actually wrong or if it was a mere oversight. It may simply be he wasn’t comfortable having you and FH over to his house since he hasn’t met either or you yet.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Sarah.

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I had suspected that too. I actually said to Sadie “maybe he didn’t feel comfortable with us coming since he hasn’t met us” but she told me “he practically wasn’t even there, it was just her friends at his place”. Obviously, that didn’t come from Dina herself but if she said something like “he didn’t feel comfortable having you over since you haven’t met yet” I would have been 100% understanding and wouldn’t think any further of it. For me the whole “ok drama queen” comment is what cemented it as she doesn’t care less how I feel about it.

I’m American and I would of done the same thing you did too. There’s nothing wrong with addressing an elephant in a room if you value a person in your life and there’s a problem you want to address to clear the air. Anyone who dismisses your feelings isn’t stepping up to the plate on their part of the friendship.

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Thank you! My take is, if you ask a friend “what do you think of [something]?” a good friend will tell you they like [it] not to hurt your feelings, a great friend will be honest with you, so why not approach these type of matters the same way? If I knew I had said or done something to upset my friend, how will I know not to repeat that if I don’t know I’ve upset them?

Yeah I agree that real friends should be able to talk about anything. Personally I'd have been confused by the lack of invite if everyone else was there. If my friend had called me a drama queen, I'd have
felt as she didn't really understand where I was coming from.

I'm not sure the best course to move pass this but personally I'd have reassess my friendship but give them the benefit of the doutbt. I think I'd give them a second chance and see if they'd exclude me again. Either way, I'd still invite them to the wedding especially as words were out.

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I will definitely still invite them as I would prefer to be the bigger person and take the high road.

I think you’re right, I will get over it but at this point I think I am going to sit back for a while and let her reach out to me when she next wants to see me or talk to me.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I'd do the same!

I would be pretty hurt if I were in your shoes. You were left out for some unknown reason. I am not sure I would want Dina at my wedding. I think you did the absolute right thing by trying to address it head on. Your friend’s response was insensitive and telling.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this as well. You can feel whatever way you want. But to call her up is rude. Its not always personal when someone doesn't invite you. Would you like for everyone that you aren't inviting to your wedding to call you up and put you on the spot, Of course not. You'd probably be upset and maybe feel bad.

View Quoted Comment It’s not always personal, no, but if I invited everyone in our immediate circle except for her, she’d probably feel left out - and if she called me out on it, I would deserve it.
If you ladies would prefer to act like people haven’t hurt you, that’s your prerogative, not mine.

I'm in the minority but... I'm definitely with you! Partly because you weren't invited to her boyfriend party unlike the rest of your circle and also because you're the only one who weren't introduced to her boyfriend.

I wouldn't throw a fit over the party but the party + the non introduction to her boyfriend= too much!

Unlike previous posters, I don't call thid an inequal friendship but a one-way friendship! She doesn't value your friendship at all.