Feeling Sad About Lack of Rsvps

Your feelings are your feelings, whether they're "right" or not. For 1 and 2, is it possible that they've forgotten to RSVP? Anyone you don't hear from you should contact them once the RSVP date has passed and ask if they are planning to attend or not.

For #3, you really can't spend other people's money. For them, the vacation they have planned is their priority. Vacation days and money to spend on holiday are luxuries, and they want to spend them taking the trip that they chose.

All that said, an invitation is meant as simply that, not an obligation. The best advice is to have a great time with those that do attend!

I think it’s very common for brides to be disappointed when people don’t prioritize their weddings. It’s something that you have spent a considerable amount of time and money planning, so it’s disappointing when others don’t RSVP. However it’s important to remember that, while your wedding is the most exciting thing in YOUR life, it’s not the most exciting thing in other peoples lives. That doesn’t mean they’re not happy for you! It’s just that their own lives take priority (and rightly so). So no, you do not have a right to be upset that others are choosing to spend their time and money taking vacations. Those things are priorities in their lives. If (or when) your RSVP deadline has passed, you should reach out to everyone that has not responded, kindly reminding them that the RSVP deadline has passed, and if you don’t hear from them by X date, you will be marking them down as “not attending”. Just remind yourself that life is busy and people’s time & finances are limited. Your wedding isn’t always going to “make the cut” on their list of priorities. It doesn’t mean that people aren’t happy for you and don’t care about your wedding. It’s just that they have things in their lives that are taking priority over it at this time.

View Quoted Comment Yes, all of this in theory but I prioritized their big events so them not doing the same us pretty crappy.

View Quoted Comment But it’s not though. They are simply prioritizing what they have going on in their lives. When their events came up, you looked at what was going on in your life and determined that attending the event was something that you could do with your schedule and finances. These people looked at their lives and determined your wedding is not something they can prioritize at this time. You have no idea what’s going on in their lives and bank accounts, and it’s not fair to judge them. Remember, these are your loved ones! And your wedding, although very important to you, is bottom line just a party. Keep sight of what is important! Family and friends are way more important than their attendance at a party. Be thankful for those who are attending and focus on having a great time with them! Not on who isn’t there.

My wedding is in two weeks and when I wasn't getting RSVPs or getting declines I felt the same way. And like you, I've been going to their events for years and definitely felt slighted.

Yes, I get that no one is obligated to do anything, but that doesn't make this feel any better (when you are not prioritized but you prioritize them). Plus... devil's advocate here... why in the hell do we even bother making these big parties and inviting people close to us and prioritizing the guest experience if NO ONE IS GOING TO ATTEND! The whole point of this website is to create an amazing event with an amazing guest experience... and yeah, we're gonna be bummed when all that work seems ignored. Instead maybe we should just all elope and take the guest experience out if it's no longer OK to be bummed when people aren't coming.

OP - I'm with you. I'm bummed too. I'm not gonna say anything, but I know I'm not gonna be as excited to jump for their events in the future because I just don't have it in me anymore. Yeah, I'm a bit bitter and I can sleep at night knowing that.

How far ahead of the wedding was your RSVP date? Anything more than a month ahead, which is both recommended and typical, is going to be problematic for some since many unavoidable conflicts are not known until closer to the date. The only necessary response to a wedding invitation is a reply by the RSVP date. If that's past, I would contact people individually.

Is your wedding local to you or one of the families or is it destination? Either way, it's completely unreasonable to expect people to have to save up for a year to attend a wedding at a distance. Some people have limited vacation time and others are on tight budgets. And don't forget, many people have families or the wishes of SO's to consider. Is it possible that people aren't in the same place now that they were when you were all single?

View Quoted Comment Again, excuses. I've planned for and RSVPed for weddings a year in advance, no issues. STDs were sent 6 months I'm advance, invites 2.

And I attend weddings out of the country for friends all the time. It's not hard.

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If it's always been so easy for you, count your blessing. Not everyone is in your position. I would never RSVP for anything a year in advance. Some people have responsibilities to work and family. Finances, budgets, and priorities change. That's not an excuse, it's reality.

That said, your invitations were sent out at an appropriate time. I'd just focus on following up if the wedding is less than a month away and the RSVP date has now passed.

Destination wedding, then?

View Quoted Comment It's been easy for a majority of my friends as well. It just takes planning. The folks who can't make it are not real friends in my book.

View Quoted Comment Nope. It's in my fiances hometown a few states over. 2 years is plenty to plan.

View Quoted Comment Wow. This reads incredibly out of touch, entitled, and completely lacking in empathy. I don’t know if I feel more sorry for you, or your “friends”.

View Quoted Comment Lol. My friends planned a wedding out of country in 2018 and we all showed up and showed out because that's what friends do. None of us are entitled. We just know how to make sure our group feels supported in life.

View Quoted Comment Real friends don’t assume they know everything about someone else’s personal situation. If you believe people should have to save up to attend a wedding for two years then yes, you’re entitled.

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You seem committed to your anger at this. I truly hope it serves you well in your relationships.

You have every right to feel sad about people not showing up for you when you've been there for them. However. I will say Memorial Day weekend is one of the most expensive and congested weekends to travel by car or plane (aside from the holidays) and if your wedding is 2 states over that would be hard to do in the course of 3 days.


Also, most people RSVP right at the beginning or right at the end and. When your deadline is up, make sure to reach out to those you haven't heard from. Believe it or not, so many invitations get lost in the mail. I just received an invitation a week ago and one was also sent to my daughter (same address) and it still hasn't arrived.

View Quoted Comment That's the stupidest thing I've ever read. Of course you shouldn't have to save two years to attend a wedding, I never said that. What I did say is that people prioritize what's important to them. So yes, I'm going to feel slighted if I've made it a priority to attend a friend's celebration and I gave two years notice anf you tell me a month before you can't attend. It's about protocol and proper notification. You know 6 months ahead of time if you can travel and attend a function. You don't decide the month before. That's all I'm asking.

And yes, it can be done because 130 of our 200 guests figured it out. With kids, finances, etc. A lot of assumptions you're making that i don't have those things as well

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We did see some invites had not received and sent reminders. What I'm upset about is not people necessarily not coming - I get that - it's the lack of RSVP or acknowledgement completely.

View Quoted Comment I also think there is not a lot of empathy I'm these comments. I obviously understand that people can't attend for a variety of reasons. I haven't been able to attend weddings in the past. And you know what? I reached out as soon as I knew I couldn't attend VIA PHONE CALL and switched a gift and a plan to get together at a later time. I did not simply not respond. I've sent texts, emails and reminders to people and they have failed to respond. THAT is what I'm upset about and anyone who has planned a wedding before should understand why.