Feeling Hopeless

Hi Janessa, I feel you! We are also getting married on June 12, 2021. Our venue is Hammond Castle in Gloucester. Nothing is included, so it’s very pricey and now hardly seems worth it if we must reduce the guest list. When I think of masks, no dancing, no bar, and an end time of 9:30pm, I wish we never booked anything and either eloped or held off. We’re paying for our wedding ourselves and have already paid a lot upfront and don’t want to lose it all by postponing. I feel like there is no way out, and I’ll be forced to have the type of wedding I really don’t want. Like you, I’ve tried to be more optimistic, but it’s been hard.

View Quoted Comment Hi Kayla, Hammond Castle is beautiful. I wanted to have my wedding there but it was too small for the amount of guests I was having. Unfortunately, we booked most things before covid happened. I also, wish I waited. I was just so excited and thrilled to start this new journey. Have you spoken to your vendors yet? I’m going back and forth about whether or not I should yet. Today Gov Baker said thanksgiving is what made us go back to phase 2. So I guess we’ll see in three weeks.

I am so sorry Janessa. Covid has really negatively impacted my wedding experience as well. Unlike you I didn't meet my person until later in life (our first date was right before his 33rd birthday). We dated for four years before getting engaged. We were so excited for our May 30, 2020 wedding and planned a small but super beautiful event for about 80 guests, and really splurged on an incredible venue and food. Our plan was to have a beautiful wedding, go on one last big trip, and then try to start a family. We had established careers, a home together, money saved up, and were ready to jump into the next part of our lives together.

We had everything planned out before Covid hit just two months before our wedding. We postponed to June 12, 2021, but then just 10 days before our original date my mom was diagnosed with cancer, so we decided to have a small ceremony with just our parents and a few friends in attendance (we are in New Hampshire and everything was still shut down in our state at the time, and gatherings were limited to 10 people). It ended up being stressful and disappointing (and not at all what we wanted), but we tried to stay positive about being able to have a "redo" wedding the following year. At least we were married, and we figured if we started to try to conceive around my birthday we'd still be able to celebrate with our guests before having a baby (even if I was pregnant for our celebration and couldn't drink or dance as much).

Our venue/caterer has already reached out to us and let us know that the event we planned for June 12, 2021 will not be possible, so now we have to postpone again or cancel, and we've already paid a lot of money in fees we cannot get back. I'm 35 and we just cannot put off trying for a baby any longer, so postponing again is just a big gamble and very stressful. We are not opposed to having a smaller, scaled down event but the cost wouldn't be that much less, and it just doesn't seem worth it to spend so much money on an event we can't enjoy as much, that isn't actually our wedding, or if we have a baby on the way. So much of what we loved about our venue is irrelevant if we are just having a reception and not actually having a wedding ceremony, if we have fewer guests, or if I'm pregnant or we have a newborn at that time. But I don't want to plan another event at all - I poured myself into this one and don't want to repeat that process only to be let down again. Our venue has been amazing to work with and all of our vendors have tried to be as accommodating as they can, but it's still awful to have to go through shifting your plans with no more of a guarantee that they will work out. And in the end none of them are going to throw us a free wedding after Covid is over just because we got screwed over so many times.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and understand what it feels like to wait so long to have the wedding and then be crushed. Our situation is a bit different in that you've been with your partner for a long time and I feel like I waited for my partner for a long time, but I can relate to building this anticipation for a life together and starting it in a way that felt like a true celebration of you as a couple and then not being able to do that because of things beyond your control. I also relate to looking at June 12, 2021 when this all started back during this spring and trying to remain hopeful that things will be better by then, and then with every coming month feel a little bit less confident that it would work out. Hopeless is a feeling I know all too well, and even if you can rationalize it by "at l'm fortunate in all these other ways and at least I have my amazing partner" it doesn't make losing that opportunity to celebrate this once-in-a-lifetime day in a way you wanted any less painful. You are allowed to grieve and feel sad.

I hope one day we'll be able to look back on this and think "we still got married in spite of it all" but it's hard to not feel bitter about the hand we've been dealt. I'm really sorry and don't know what else I can say that would feel comforting. Just know you are NOT alone.

View Quoted Comment I haven’t yet spoken to our vendors. Before I signed each contract, I required all of them to include a provision about postponement due to covid, so that rescheduling without penalty is possible. Even still, to be able to find a new date where all of the 13+ different vendors we’re working with have availability will likely be impossible or result in a random week day wedding (no thanks!). Given all of this, I guess it seems going through with the original date is our best bet.


We sent save the dates to 100 guests and plan to draw up a reduced guest list soon, just so that we have it ready, if needed. I think we’ll hold off on sending formal invitations until closer to February, although, I can’t really see there being any more certainty then.

I'm so sorry Janessa - these are all such difficult decisions! ❤️

Sending you lots of virtual love and support!

I know how you feel & have you looked anywhere else?

Oof girl I feel it all! I have been with my man since middle school and we got engaged in December last year before the pandemic hit hard. We went and booked EVERYONE and they all cancelled on us and kept a lot of our money, BUT it all turns out. All that matters is that y’all are there 💕