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Anna
Beginner April 2022

Feeling Guilty for Wedding Spending?

Anna, on January 17, 2020 at 6:44 PM Posted in Planning 1 25
Has anyone else struggled with feeling guilty or stupid for how much you’re willing to spend on your wedding? I’m totally fine with spending a lot on it, within reason. My fiancé and I are paying for everything ourselves but it seems I can’t get away from the unsolicited comments about how it would be stupid to spend what could essentially equate to a down payment on a house for a “party”. It makes me feel bad and guilty and sucks that people think it’s “stupid” to spend a lot on our wedding. To me it’s completely worth it - our wedding is something I’ve been planning and been excited about for so long and I want it to be a beautiful celebration of our love that everyone enjoys. Yes, what’s most important is two people coming together and our commitment to one another and we don’t need to spend a lot to do that. But, I want it to be nice, elegant, pretty. I only get to do it once and I want it to be beautiful and romantic and I don’t want to look back and think about how I compromised on the food and decor and everything to do it cheap and was disappointed with the end result. I’m paying for it mostly myself, I’m not going into debt over it, but I still can’t shake the guilty feeling from everyone who tells me it would be so stupid to spend that much money on “just a party”. Has anyone else experienced this or am i ridiculous to think it’s fine to spend a lot of money to have the wedding that I want when I could save that for other things down the road?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Caitlin, on January 23, 2020 at 2:49 AM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    My opinion is that your money if your money so it is no one's business. Also, I would say as long as you are not going into debt or skipping paying bills or something you do you. I would from this point not tell people your expenditures to avoid negativity.

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  • Danielle
    Expert May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    You're right, you get one real chance at this wedding thing. Have everything you want because hell that's what weddings are a SHOWCASE of love. I'm going all out and the guests will love a nice night of opulence and magic.
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  • Caitlin
    Expert January 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    I get snide remarks 24/7 because of our $35k budget (and how much im willing to spend on my venue and dress specifically) and i roll my eyes at each one. the day is about the bride and groom, NOT anybody else. spend whatever you want on it and tell everyone else its none of their business!
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    GET IT! DO WHAT YA WANT. Life is short so as long as you have a roof over your head and bills are paid then go for it.

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  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about it but not from others. Other people don't know how much I am spending besides those involved- my fiance and parents. I would stop sharing cost with others and ignore them!

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  • Fleur
    October 2020
    Fleur ·
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    I 100% feel the same way as you. I've chosen to drive my piece of $#!% car one more year in order to save for my awesome wedding (and like you, I'm for sure not going into debt). Absolutely no regrets, and I've reached the point where I don't care what anyone says lol. I honestly think that some are just jealous and/or don't like seeing other people happy. Whatever lol. Can't wait til my big day!!!!!

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  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
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    Honestly, I still feel guilty but I also know that our modest budget of 15k is a lot less than the normal going price for a wedding in Dallas. So people can shove it if they have opinions. I think we're having a small but beautiful wedding to our tastes- that's what matters. I also really don't want to DIY anything because it'll stress me out, so that's costing us money too. But in the long run, it'll be a good day. Ignore the haters and enjoy the time with your person!
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  • _
    Dedicated November 2020
    __ ·
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    Sometimes I feel this way. Not because of outside pressure, but just from myself. I wonder if we should just do a courthouse thing and then a nice dinner and use the money for our honeymoon, a house, literally anything else. So I definitely get it. I'm not spending half as much as most people do on their weddings and everything is pretty simple, but my family keeps reminding me that it isn't like you get married everyday and it's not like we're going broke from it. And that it's okay to want a nice celebration. Especially cause our wedding will be on our 10th anniversary, so it's even more special. Plus my FH's family is coming from out of state and I doubt they'd want to spend all the travel/hotel expenses on a courthouse they can't fit into and a dinner haha. At the end of the day, it's none of their business what you spend. It's your money and it isn't a crime to want a nice wedding

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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I didn’t want to spend as much as I did, but I wanted each piece to be nice. Things I would have left out my husband wanted and it was his day too. This was the only time all my friends and family would be together and I wanted to look pretty, have fun, and make sure everyone else enjoyed themselves with good food and atmosphere. Im never going to do this again, knock on wood, so I never wanted to have regrets. Now that it’s all over, I finished paying off my car, I’m almost done paying off my Invisalign, and my savings is going up fast. I’ve had lots of other expenses in my life for bills, education, etc, but this was my one time to do this.
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    I am totally feeling this. We are still far out from our day because it’s not until next year and people keep commenting on how expensive it is, asking me why I don’t just do a small ceremony and big backyard party because “if they could do it again that’s what they would do,” all that stuff. It made me feel REALLY bad. We are getting a little help from our families, but we are paying for a lot ourselves and also didn’t want to go into debt so we tried to find reasonably priced things. Honestly, I don’t WANT a backyard party because I can throw one of those any time I want, but I can’t have a wedding any time I want. So I say you do what you want to do and ignore everyone. That’s what I’m also trying to do. It’s not their day, so it doesn’t matter what they think!
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  • Willbe
    Savvy June 2020
    Willbe ·
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    Everyone has the thing they think is worth spending their discretionary spending on. For some people it’s shoes, other people it’s makeup, handbags, clothes, travel, eating out, expensive art, you name it. As long as it is worth it to you personally versus the other things you might choose to spend that money on, if it’s not borrowed from family and you aren’t irresponsibly going into debt to do it, that’s YOUR money to spend however you want. No reason to feel guilty for that!


    Yes I could take that sum of money and invest it and make a lot more money by the time I retire from it, but money is for spending on the things that bring happiness to you at the end of the day, and only you can decide what that looks like.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Sometimes I did, but we also managed our budget super well, so that helped.


    Mostly, I reminded myself that DH and I almost never splurge on ANYTHING, that people wanted to celebrate with us, and that we are allowed to have fun.


    And, in the end, everyone had a great time, we have a ton of great memories and beautiful photos... so, yeah. Sometimes, it is important to celebrate!

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  • Julia
    Dedicated October 2020
    Julia ·
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    I’ve had a couple remarks. I feel guilty on my own because of what we are spending for many of the reasons you stated. But I also want to have the wedding we want, no regrets! We are not going into debt, we haven’t asked for help (my grandparents have given us some &dollarSmiley winking. 2 things I’ve learned is ...
    1. When we really want something we can make it happen. We’ve saved about 6k in 4months by me working OT and my FH doing side jobs (he’s an electrician) so we didn’t have to take from our Savings.

    2. At the end of the day we are having what we want and making the setting right for us and our family and since no one else is paying for it they don’t have a say.
    Do what makes you guys happy
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  • Mia
    Dedicated July 2020
    Mia ·
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    I don't think it matters what other people got to say about how much this or that costs. Its your wedding, and nobody is forking over any money to help pay for this either, but they want to come to your wedding to see what it looks like, whose gonna be there, just being nosey lol. Invite the people who are close to you and love you and your fiance as a couple. Narrow it down, the ones that are supporting you now, will be around in your life after you get married, I say plan it the way you want and review your guest list again. We are paying for our wedding too, its my fiance who wants a big wedding, and since we are paying for it, its our day and we are not gonna let anyone take that away from us, good luck with this, I'm sure its going to be just gorgeous, take care Smiley smile
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  • Future Mrs. Cwik
    Devoted March 2021
    Future Mrs. Cwik ·
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    I get mega anxiety about what we’re spending, and my fiancé is probably going to snap one day because of my guilt! He keeps saying that it’s not that bad, and every dollar we spend makes me freak out because I can’t believe we are spending this much money.


    It’s internal guilt, not caused by anyone else because we are doing this ourselves, but I get the feeling. Ultimately, it’s one of the biggest days of our lives so I need to chill lol!
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  • E
    Savvy October 2022
    Evr25160 ·
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    We have the same budget and everyone is freaking out except the groom. Even the people who aren’t contributing a dime the worst part is everyone keeps telling us we could buy a house. I don’t want a house and it’s hard for them grasp that concept.
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Personally my hard fast rule is "no going into debt because of wedding" and it sounds like you've got that covered. If you are good at managing your money and can afford it, and the wedding is a big priority for you, splurge away!


    Frankly, I always thought it was ridiculous how much couples spent on weddings (average US wedding is around $30k, which always seemed nuts to me) and then we started planning our own. Weddings are just expensive! We really had no idea until it was us doing it. We are probably spending about 3x what we originally thought we would, but we adjusted our expectations quickly. I don't think we are going overboard at all, but we live in a more expensive area of the country for weddings and we wanted to have a great experience and provide one to our guests, and didn't want to feel like we cut corners or compromised on the things that were important to us. We aren't splurging on everything, but spending more on things important to us like photography and good food, and less in areas that didn't seem as significant, like stationary and wedding shoes. Plus we are viewing our wedding as a way to invest in our community and put our money where our values are - we cannot afford to buy local or eat organic every day, but for our wedding, it was important that the event itself reflected our values.

    Don't let others make you feel guilty about spending money if you are both on the same page and are not taking on debt to have the wedding you dream of.

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  • Lisa
    Expert October 2021
    Lisa ·
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    I normally have very bad buyers remorse. I’ll walk around with something and put it back, and only buy what is necessary. But I have no problem spending my money on someone else. But for some reason with our wedding I’m okay with it. Even though we started our budget at about 11k and it’s at 20k now. It’s special day, once in a lifetime, to treat our friends and family to a party to celebrate US! We’ll probably never have our families all together again, why not make the most of it. Spend what you are comfortable spending and cut back on things if you need to. Many cut back on bar options, stationary, flowers, and favors. Good luck!
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I never felt bad or stupid. It’s what should be the best day of your life! We wanted our dream wedding and that’s what we had. We set a budget, and though we went a little over, never once have I regretted it or felt like the money should have gone elsewhere. Plus, we already own our house so it’s not like we would put it towards that. I have kept the amount we spent to ourselves, as I’m sure many people would consider it frivolous, but I don’t really care what other people think 🤪.
    It’s your money and it’s your wedding. Do what you want and don’t even consider people’s comments on your finances.
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  • Nikki
    Devoted April 2021
    Nikki ·
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    I have definitely felt guilty and stupid for the amount of money we’re spending, especially knowing that it could buy a new car or be a significant down payment on a house, but the thing is, the cost can’t really be avoided based on where we live. It’s still a lot, but after knowing a lot of brides in our area spend double what we are it makes me feel a little better.


    I also had really good advice from my Uber driver. We were talking about weddings, budgets, and how expensive it is and he told me to consider the wedding as an investment. If you think about how much you’ve spent, over how many days and years you plan on being together, it’s actually one of the best investments you’ll make in your life.
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