Hello everyone. I'm creating this post as both a way to vent, but also to ask for any advice or thoughts on my current situation.
My father was not at my wedding this past January. Almost a decade ago, he left to live in another country after him and my mother divorced. Since then, he has had 2 new children and hardly kept in contact with me. I was also his next form of contact for any legal reasons (done without my knowledge/consent), so when he left, I was the one that had to deal with his bank/loan accounts, as well as clearing his apartment and loading all of his belongings in a storage unit. In short, he left without notice and since my mother had moved to another state, I was left to handle it all alongside trying to keep her from going off of the deep end. I would also like to add that at the time, I was a freshman in college and working 2 jobs with no family outlets left in the state I reside in.
Currently (meaning this all happened this week), my father is almost 80 and has developed several health problems, forcing him to travel back to the U.S since he couldn't afford healthcare without insurance where he previously was and his visa has been expired. My mother called me yesterday to let me know he was back and staying at her friends' house (we'll call them F&J), which is 30min away from me. She's begged me to go see him and help him, but I told her at this time I was going to do neither. My father ended up calling me from F&J's phone and when I answered, his first response was to ask if he could speak to his son, which did hurt my feelings. He caught me up to speed about his condition, and expressed that the cost of living in the U.S has gone up since he left and he wasn't sure if he could afford a house, but would look at assisted living. I agreed, and said that might be the best option for him.
I'm feeling conflicted. On one hand, I feel angry because he's shown no interest in me or my life since leaving, but everyone now expects me to take care of him since he's back and in poor health. Because 'he's your father and that's what matters'. Then again, I'm sad and ashamed because I want to help him but I mentally, emotionally, and financially cannot support him the way he needs. I feel like a terrible person for trying to set boundaries with my parents, and prioritizing myself and my husband. I'm just not sure what to do at this point, and I'm worried the responsibility will end up on me like it did when my father left years ago.
If you got this far, thank you so much for reading and listening. I really do appreciate it.
