Family help

It's impolite for anyone to invite themselves to a dinner outting. Stand your ground alongside your boyfriend as he, not you, not your mother, is the planner of his Mom's dinner. To your boyfriend, bring up the idea of a casual gathering at the house on another day.

Also, get used to setting boundaries with your Mother if you want your relationship to have a future. No one likes to be bullied by in-laws.

Although it's great your mother is eager to form a bond with your future in-laws, insisting on an invite to a private event is overstepping. Would there be time to plan another event with the in-laws while they are in town? Maybe brunch with both sets of parents the following day?

I, also, believe your mom is overstepping. Her enthusiasm is clouding her judgement. Celebrate the Bday party with your fiancé’s parents and then plan for a different outing the following day where both sets of parents can meet and spend time together. Your mom will have to accept you and your fiancé’s decisions

It’s an intimate immediate family birthday dinner just forty minutes away, not a one time opportunity. Your mother is being ridiculously overbearing and rude to try to get herself invited to a private celebration. They can meet up at another time or day and for that matter it can be your mom who extends herself to do the inviting if it’s important to her.


She should also keep in mind not all families want to get overly involved with one another before there’s a commitment.

To answer your questions:

Who is in the wrong here? Your mom.

Would it be weird if they were in town for a weekend to celebrate, including me, but never saw my family? No, this would not be weird. Parents meeting your boyfriend's parents really is not necessary. His family is visiting and they want to spend time with their child, not people they don't know.

Is my boyfriend being a little exclusive? Or is my mom being overbearing? Your mom is being overbearing. Your boyfriend wants to spend time with his family - and you - he's being inclusive.

TBH it sounds like your mom is at minimum, annoying, and doesn't grasp boundaries well so I'm guessing that may impact his family not wanting to spend their birthday with her. If that can be sensed through a post, I'm sure they've already caught on as well.

I agree with the others, your mom is overstepping. She also seems adamant, so may I suggest not telling her where or when the dinner will be, so she doesn't "just happen" to show up. That would be a level of awkward I'm sure you don't want to deal with.