Hello internet strangers.
I am hesitant to post about this, but I need some advice, input or insight at this point.
Without airing all of my dirty laundry out on the internet for all those to see, I will try to explain my situation to the best of my ability without giving away too much personal information. I also apologize in advance for the length of this post.
As background information, my parents, twin sister and brother and I have always had a tumultuous relationship with one another. I have always been rather defiant by nature, and I have always beat to the sound of my own drum, which has caused an infinite number of problems between my parents and I rather early on in my life. I have routinely made decisions that have caused a huge blow-up and rift between me and my family; but I always ended up eventually budging to their will because all I have ever wanted was their unconditional love, support and acceptance - which I have never received, and at this point, I never will.
Anyway, before I met my future husband, I was in several abusive relationships. I endured a lot, especially in my college and law school years; so, when I met my fiancé, it was like a breath of fresh air. He truly is an amazing man; he is definitely a rare gem that I never thought I would be lucky enough to find. I found him when I was broken, and I had already given up on the idea of finding true genuine love. He loves me unconditionally, and always supports and protects me. He shows these things and more through his actions and devotion to me. I will forever be grateful for him, and I am beyond lucky to be able to call him my best friend, soulmate and now future husband.
Fast forward to when we got engaged on September 2, 2023. My fiancé proposed to me at our housewarming party, since we had just bought a house together in June, repainted the upstairs walls in every room in our house, and we installed new flooring. We also got a SECOND puppy. It was a lot, and I was surprised and beyond excited that he proposed to me. It felt like a dream come true, and it still is to this day, despite all of the drama.
However, things quickly took a turn when my family tried to force us to have a wedding almost immediately. My fiancé and I wanted to take a breath for a month or two so we could settle into our new house and just enjoy being engaged. So, we decided that we would commence the wedding planning and start looking at venues in November 2023. That was not good enough for my family.
November came, and we chose a venue and a wedding date that was significant for us. When I called my parents up to tell them our exciting news, they were instantly disappointed, and I was met with criticism and scrutiny on why we were getting married in March of 2025, and why we weren't getting married sooner than that. I brushed their criticism off and my fiancé and I went about our business together.
Shortly after that, my family came to me with requests - that eventually turned into demands - for our wedding. My fiancé and I are paying for the entire shindig ourselves; so, we just innocently thought that we were going to be the ones to plan our own wedding, and if people had input or opinions, that would be great, and we would consider them. But that does not mean that we were going to do everything that people demanded of us. The entire two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving was a nightmare for me. I was constantly getting texts or calls regarding my family's demands for my wedding. I was crying every night feeling nothing but frustration, sadness and anger over their need and desire to - once again - take control over my wedding and life.
Thanksgiving night rolled around, and my fiancé and I decided that we were going to calmly, respectfully and casually bring up the wedding drama at dinner. My dad had said to me prior that he was "interested in hearing [my fiancé's] opinion about this wedding stuff." So, we went into dinner with the intent to respectfully draw boundary lines and to request that our decisions for our wedding be respected, even if those decisions go against their wishes (demands).
Well, it did not go well. It turned into an episode of Jerry Springer, and ever since then, our wedding planning journey has been nothing short of miserable. My parents have proclaimed on several occasions in person and through text that they refuse to attend my wedding. They have villainized my fiancé, me, and trash-talked our relationship to many people. They also have twisted the narrative and told a side of the story that is FAR from the truth.
Recently, they decided to make some moves - that I do not want to disclose on the internet - that were heartbreaking for me. I did not think they would ever go to that extent, but they did. My mother has since blocked my phone number for honestly no reason whatsoever. As a result, and after weighing my options and other people's opinions who I actually trust, I have decided to not even bother inviting my parents. I have MANY reasons for that, but they told me that they will not be attending, and to not even bother sending me an invite because they will simply ignore it and throw it in the trash.
However, once my twin sister found out that I am not going to invite them, she lost her mind. She was trying to demand that I invite them, among other things. I am standing my ground, and I am refusing to send my parents a save-the-date or invite. My sister has since referred to me as "The Fredo of the family". calling me "incapable, dishonorable, lacking valor, morals, truth and loyalty", among other nasty things; and for those who have watched and are familiar with "The Godfather" movies, then you know just how insulting that is to hear.
I am prepared that there will be significant fall-out by making this decision, but not inviting my parents is UNFORTUNATELY what is best for me in the long-run. My heart has been shattered to pieces, I feel infuriated and deeply broken over the entire situation for many reasons. Choosing not to invite my parents was an extremely difficult decision to make, but I just could not hold onto the hope that they would come when they were never planning on attending to begin with. I have been forced to start making plans to fill the holes that will be left in my wedding due to my parents' absence. Never once did I think that my daddy wouldn't walk me down the aisle to give me away to my soulmate, or that I wouldn't get the chance to have my daddy/daughter dance with him, or that I wouldn't have my mother there to help me put my dress on and to get ready, or that my twin sister wouldn't be my Matron of Honor.
But these are the card I have been dealt in life, and I must do with them what I can to make the best out of this ridiculously heartbreaking situation. Because, after all, I can't force them to attend my wedding to support me, I can't force them to be happy for me, and I surely can't make them change. My entire life, I have been a people-pleaser in an attempt to finally achieve their unconditional love and acceptance; but I know now that I will never get that from them. And that is okay. It hurts, but I will be okay.
Ultimately, I am sharing my story in the hopes that someone out there has had a similar situation they can relate to so they don't feel so alone or if someone can give me advice on how to move forward, and how to plan a wedding without my toxic family members involved.
I appreciate anyone who has read this entire thing, and I appreciate those who provide me with input or advice.
Thank you.
