Etiquette

No, i think that would be inconsiderate. Consider having a loved one travel with you to watch your daughter.

If they say no children then it's not ok to ask for exceptions to be made. Typically they will bend their own rules and invite a flower girl/ringbearer, which is not polite either if those are the only children allowed. Try to find childcare with grandparents if possible or decline and let husband attend on his own.

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We said no children except for flower girls and ring bearer, but we still had a couple show up without asking with their toddler. The only option for childcare would be to have someone fly out with us to California or hire someone we don't know in California to watch our newborn.

Typically nursing infants are exempt from the no children because they literally need their mother for food and survival. I would ask especially since the wedding is so far away and your husband is a part of the wedding.

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Okay thanks! I certainly don't want to come off rude for asking or make them feel forced to change how they want their wedding day to be.

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I would have to see if anyone is available. I know my mom probably would, but my parents own their own business so my mom can't really be away of the office for an extended period of time since she is the one that handles all of the phone calls for the business. My mom and I are both afraid of flying so if we wanted to go early Friday prior to the wedding, I'm not sure how well it would go with both of us being terrified of flying and a 5 month old.

It sounds like you're close enough to this couple to have an honest conversation with them? Like someone said, a lot of times the no children rule doesn't count towards newborns. If after that conversation, they say no to having the baby there, you kinda have your decision made for you, since you don't feel comfortable having a stranger watch the baby (which obviously no one can blame you for). But also don't feel like you need to be there to repay any favors to them for your wedding.

I would ask them. A 5 month old baby is very different from say, a 2 year old child. Just let them know that things have changed and you’d really like to be there, but you have to tend to your baby as well. If they say no, then you stay home and your husband goes. Unless you have someone who will travel with you to babysit while you attend.

Your concerns are totally valid, however that puts the couple in a difficult position. If they made an exception for you, what about other guests who also have little kids. Do you have other friends / family in the area who are not attending this wedding and may be willing to help out for a day?

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Unfortunately, no. My husband's friend moved across the country after graduating college so most of his friends including my husband still will on the east coast.

If you're super close with them it wouldn't hurt to ask I suppose? But generally, no kids means no kids. That being said, you can ask for the couple's help in finding a local babysitter. One of my bridesmaids who had to travel across the country for my wedding had no problem at all finding a local sitter for her 4-month old.

View Quoted Comment Ah that’s not ideal, if you can’t find anyone else to travel with you and babysit, maybe check with couple and see if they / their family and friends have trusted babysitter?

Nursing babies are typically considered an exception to the rule, but one should never assume that the couple will make that exception. Nursing or not, babies still cry. I think it's rude to ask. You're putting the couple in a difficult spot.

While I am a believer in hosts either inviting infants with mom, or making it possible for them to be right at hand with a sitter, as a mother of 5, I would never have flown cross country or abroad with any 1 or 2 young babies, if staying less than 2 weeks, except in an emergency. Dealing with parking and luggage and security lines add 2 hours at either end of a flight, when you figure in a diaper change or 2 at each end of the flight. The time change of 2-3 hours or more baby does not adjust to. So you are up 3 hours before anyone at the Cal end, and too exhausted to do anything evenings, when all social things are scheduled. And it is a nightmare of the baby is sick. A simple earache, or a bad cold or flu, even pre-covid, or a visible rash, or simply constant crying from a gas bubble, and you cannot get on a plane. So fo you stay behind 3 days, or everyone? And you are out of area for most insurance. Expect $1000 dollar emergency room fees, and several thousand in Dr. and meds . Plus paying at airport hotel prices for days, with all room service meals. If it is not you who is in the wedding, just good friends, stay home.

We’re having a no children ceremony & the only children there are the flower girl & ring bearer. We have friends that have children (1 couple will have a 6 week old) that will find childcare so they can attend. Do you have any friends or family in the area that would be willing to help?

View Quoted Comment The only people bwe know in that area are the bride and groom. The groom moved to California after graduating college so most of his friends and family including us live on the east coast.

Maybe your mom or someone can travel with you. I know people that have done that. Or leave your baby with one of your parents. Or as sad as it sounds, don't go, I'm sure they would understand.

I have a couple of thoughts.... First, October 2021 is a long time away, especially in times of Covid. I think your husband can happily accept the invitation to be a GM, but you can just hold off on making a decision about whether you and the baby attend until early summer. Once the baby is born and you get over the initial adjustment, you'll have a better idea how you feel about traveling with her and, hopefully, you'll have a better idea about the country's Covid status. Then, if in early summer you decide you and the baby are up to the trip, you can consider your travel options then. If Covid is still a thing, the couple may have regulations and requirements they need to conform to (I'm a native Californian, there's a lot going on here...). I know the situation is different, but consider how stressed it made you when your MIL wanted to bring her friend to your gender reveal. If the situation is still bad, even a small sweet 5-month old can throw a wrench in the couple's plans, so I'd be really hesitant to ask to bring her. The B&G know you'll have a baby; if they want you to bring her, they'll suggest it. Personally, if I were going to go, I'd bring someone with me to help with the baby and watch her the day of the wedding, but if both you and your mom are scared to fly in the best of circumstances, it might not be worth going. I've flown all my life and don't usually have any issues, but I've flown six times since July and the Covid-issues have made me stressed and anxious each time. I wouldn't do it with a newborn.

FWIW the first time we flew with our daughter was when she was 3 months old -- many, many years ago. She did fine -- screamed bloody murder on the jet way, but then passed out and slept until we buckled her into her car seat in the rental car at our destination. Do yourself a favor and put this on hold until May or June. Once the baby's here, you'll get a better sense of her temperament, how you're all adjusting, and the realities of travel in late-2021.

Good luck!

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This exactly. It's not right to ask a nursing mother, with an infant less than 6 months old to leave their baby at home. Especially since you'll have to travel a fair distance to be there. I believe this falls under the "no kids" exception, which is nursing infants don't count. As for handling the newborn by yourself the whole time, I'm stumped for advice there. Do you have friends or other family that will also be there? Maybe you can get some help there.