There's a lot to this situation but it's important for context here, so here we go..
My
fiance is from South Africa, I'm in the states. We have already
decided that we need to keep the wedding small and just elope in Vegas,
for these reasons:
- We must save money to start a life
together. He won't have a work authorization for 9-18 months after
moving to the states so every cent saved is important, for cost of
living and for an eventual down payment on a house. I also work in the
hospitality industry and eloping in Vegas is actually pretty economical
compared to even local options.
- Living half a world apart
through most of our relationship, we want to combine the wedding and
honeymoon and have an intimate experience centered on finally being a
married couple without having to entertain other people.
- Our parents are in the US (my mom), Australia (his mom/stepdad), and South Africa (his dad/stepmom). Getting them to one place for a celebration is not practical.
- I'm a second daughter and my sister had a big wedding. My fiance is an only child to his mom and only son for his dad. Neither of them could make it if we had an actual wedding with guests, and yet are extremely gracious and supportive about the elopement decision. Out of respect for them, we feel it would be more considerate to not allow any guests.
- We have elected
to set up a Lovestream service and thought we would try to include
family members with readings, stories, toasts... we want everyone to
interact as much as is possible, with three different points around the
world to consider. Even picking the time for the ceremony/reception is
proving tricky. But I'm determined to give everyone a chance to share a
toast if they want: even if it's with coffee in hand.
Anyway,
my mother is not taking any of this well. My dad just passed away last
month before Christmas and he was truly the source of her common sense,
so in a way I feel like she doesn't have the ability to look at this
practically like I can. Essentially, she has already decided and
declared to me that she plans to be resentful for the rest of her life
over not being at this elopement. I don't know how to navigate this at
all. It was already hard enough for me to lose my dad (and her, her
spouse) but now I feel like this is causing me to lose my other parent.
My mother is not able to empathize with the situation at
all, or how my fiance's parents might feel left out. She's only focused
on my cousin eloping a decade ago and telling my aunt--her sister--after
the fact, and that this is entirely the same thing and if my aunt can
be upset over her daughter's elopement, then she can too. When I asked
what she thinks I should do differently, she said, "Just send out the
invitations and invite everyone and if they can come, then they can
come."
