Dream wedding vs saving money

My fiancé and I are currently dealing with this same dilemma. We want to have a wonderful wedding, but also are considering saving the money for other things that we need/want. I’m following for advice as well!

We are having our ceremony at a church and our reception at a hilltop restaurant a few miles away(less than 7 minutes in the freeway). I always dreamed we’d be pulling out in a limo, but realistically he just got a very nice big black SUV, so niether of us can justify the expense when we already have a getaway vehicle.

I would have loved to hire a band too. But the reality is we have two trumpeters(hires who play at the church on big holidays), a floutist(FMIL)and our organist(which her gift to us her playing along with music direction) for our ceremony. Our organist is our old choir director(that’s how we met). It always helps to have talented friends and family.

For the reception I nailed an exceptional DJ who knows all the classic big band songs that are played at East Coast weddings and he said he’d make sure we wouldn’t miss the band. He also said that if we change our minds, to let him know because he has some deep contacts with the LA band scene(people he works with on a regular basis).

There’s a certain point I’ve found on our journey that it’s better to take a step back and embrace the idea that some of the fantasy doesn’t happen so more informant parts can. These are things that have allowed us to be a little more liberal with our menu and guest comfort, it’s also also helped pay for my dress which turned out to be a splurge.

I originally felt in love with a specific resort in Cancún and after going from 30 guests to 50 (parents inviting there whole world) I had to compromise for a different resort to limit our expenses. The resort I love it’s way more expensive then the one I compromised for.. but if I wanted to stay on budget with more people then I had to change it..

The guest list was the thing I cut. For years I've assumed I'd turn my wedding into a reunion of sorts to see old friends and distant relatives, but it's so expensive and not justifiable to invite people I haven't seen in 5+ years. Trust your instincts and honestly ask yourself "how will I feel if I don't have ___"? And for me the important thing was figuring out what I wanted, not what was expected of me. Good luck!

I hope this doesn't sound silly, I really wanted a flash mob to perform our first dance with but it was $2000 starting; I also really wanted an event designer but that didn't happen either; I'm my own event designer 😂

View Quoted Comment That's the best idea ever 😂 I think this made budgeting worse. Lol jk

For my dream wedding I thought I would have it at this specific premium wedding venue, 300 guests, flowers draping everywhere and every little detail you can imagine.

I'm happy I got married in my 30s because a wedding like that i just not worth it. Spending all that money for one day wasn't worth it when it could be put to more use else where like my retirement fund or down payment on a house.

To be honest the actual cost of the a wedding is the price of the marriage license which was $18 for me. Everything else was extra.

Don't start your marriage with financial issues. Just because you could afford it doesn't mean you need to spend it.

We had to cut the guest list and have a more casual wedding. 95 guests instead of 160, buffet instead of plated, plain-ish venue instead of elegant.

I'd probably have a bigger venue for lots of guests if my budget was unlimited. Instead, I'm doing more like maybe 150 guests in a smaller venue - and I fully understand why people do smaller weddings or elope now after planning. I really only want those who I know well, spend time with, family, etc at my wedding and not everyone I've ever met. I'd probably also go with a $2500 photographer (who I really love, but $$ ) instead of the $1100 one I picked (which is still a lot of money for me to budget).

We decided on a budget that we could afford without going into debt, without it ruining our future plans, and that was feasible to save for our 11 month engagement. I know it's your wedding, but it's just one day to look back on. I'd rather have land and the house of my dreams to live in forever than to spend thousands and thousands for one day.

I always pictured mine to be a black tie super formal wedding with free flowing cocktails and 5 course plated meal.

Thanks to my venues ridiculous restrictions on catering, I am having to scale back my foodie desires and because I won't know until just before weather we will have open bar or limited (beer and wine only) we can't really have a black tie wedding.

I think this will turn out for the better though because my family is really not the black tie type and by making it a little more casual, ithink it will really generate a more party atmosphere

I've been known to be a good hostess, so I guess my biggest issue when I was planning was not overdoing it when it came to games, music, food, and desserts. Ensuring everyone had what they wanted.

My advice to you: Together with your FH decide what you both really need/want out of your wedding.

When my FH and I were first beginning we had our dry erase board filled with items that we wanted, and slowly we removed items, changed things, until it came down to the main idea of small, short, and FUN. (Was going to have Mario Kart! lots of games, minimal dancing, but lots of good food/beer).

In the end we decided to have a planned Elopement and has helped us tremendously, not just with costs but also with sanity. Our main goal is to save for our house downpayment, and we didn't want to spend a lot of money to begin with..so this route was better for us.

What is your dream wedding? Are there items that you really could live without? Every little bit of cost savings helps. Could you do small wedding now, and have redo later? What's more important the savings or dream wedding? Will you feel incomplete if you don't have your dream wedding?

I wish you loads of luck!

If money was no option, and I could have my absolute dream wedding, I'd definitely have a larger menu with things like: bacon wrapped scallops, shrimp cocktail, etc. I'd also have large amounts of pretty flowers EVERYWHERE. I'd definitely have a FULL bar vs the beer/wine we will be serving. Andddd, I would have splurged on a larger / nicer venue. Other than that, we are pretty much having everything we want. The best way we've cut costs is to research and book vendors that were a lot lower in cost than average.

I was the same way in the beginning stages but I became so overwhelmed with trying to meet my own expectations. I’ve had to compromise on nearly everything. Researching all over for the most affordable vendors and doing a lot of DIY aspects. I did not want to budge on our guestlist... so compromising in other ways was important. In the end I picked a cheaper photographer, cut the videography length, cheaper MUA/hair stylist, chose a venue that could bring outside catering and bar items about 30 min from my city, no decor vendor, no florist, diy invitations, and grocery store cake. I kept the DJ, dress I love, and guest list. I’m still happy with everything and I’m sure everything will go as I envision it the day of.

I always dreamed of an outdoor beach wedding. But beach venues are expensive, weather is fickle, and my grandpa is 86 and wouldn't have traveled to the beach (even though it's only a couple hours away). We are having a totally different wedding than I envisioned... in an elegant, local ballroom of a historic inn, with 120 people.

As cheesy as this sounds, I have come to the conclusion that the only *really* important things about my "dream wedding" are the people I'm surrounded by, and the amazing man I'm marrying

View Quoted Comment

This is wonderful advice and I completely agree! It's so easy for your family (mom/dad/aunt/whoever) - (or yourself!) to try to turn your wedding into a reunion of sorts. Really be intentional with your guest list and only invite those whom you TRULY want to share that day with. A smaller guest list is also a fantastic way to save money!

Also, of all the weddings I've been to, I usually only really remember how good the food (cocktail hr/dinner) was, how fun the music/band/dj was and how tasty the cake was!

I wasn’t willing to sacrifice on the venue/location (8-hours away) so we slashed our guest list from 40 to 15 and hosted a separate local reception for the rest to save us & guests the costs of a DW. Loved two events anyway.

Also wanted to get married in summer with vineyards in full bloom but that was high season. Instead, we got married on a weekday in March which saved us 50%+ off of site fees & hotel fees! It rained which made our wedding day even more magical & our outdoor photos spectacular.

Our venue has a fantasy option, that I would have loved. It includes plated dinner on china, welcome champagne for guests, couture linens, a butler for us, etc. It sounds beautiful and wonderful, but just not worth the extra money for us. We'll have served buffet, white linens, and open bar, but no welcome champagne lol.

I am just starting my planning. I keep looking at all these floral arrangements. And hello this stuff cost Soo much money! I keep thinking my wedding won't be gorgeous without it. Anyone doing fake flower bouquets to save money? I have cut my guest list and trying to stay under 100 but max. 100 as well. I have decided to do buffet to save about $15 per person depending on the venue.

The absolute best way to have your dream wedding & stay on budget is to cut down guest list to only the closest friends & family. Guest count is the main determining factor in wedding cost. Plus I only want people who I couldn’t imagine having my wedding without, friends & family that I talk to or see on very regular basis.

For me, my dream is to have elaborate flower arrangements draping from everywhere, like an entire entrance hallway, ceiling, ceremony... But at the same time I think this is silly because all these flowers will be dead the day after & I don’t like that, even more than ridiculous amount of $ it would cost 😄

My FH and I have just started to think about all the moments that we want to have. Not spending so much on flowers and food, just making sure we get our last dance and our favorite songs played.

Focusing on the stuff that we will really remember!