Do or don't speak up?

I would kindly ask her about. Something like hey I got your text about hair and makeup and I am just a little confused because I thought you mentioned before that the cost was going to be covered as a bridesmaid gift and therefore you hadn't budgeted for it. I wouldn't tell her you feel it was inconsiderate or anything like that otherwise that's going to probably cause more issues/drama than you really want to have to deal with.

If she's requiring you to get your hair and makeup professionally done, she should pay for it. If you don't want to pay the cost, tell her that in the interest of your budget, you will do your own hair and makeup for her wedding. Otherwise, if you'd rather get your hair and makeup professionally done, I agree with your husband: quietly send the money. If you really wanted to say something to her, you could maybe say something like, "Oh sorry, I misunderstood! I think I had the impression that the hair and makeup costs were being covered. I will send the money for my hair and makeup. Just so I can plan ahead financially, do I still owe for anything else for your wedding besides hair and makeup?"

Wow that's not cool at all. I would simply say no, it's not in your budget and you weren't anticipating the expense. That's not rude for you to do in any way.

View Quoted Comment I fully agree!

View Quoted Comment This is the most polite way to say it.
That is complete bs btw, so you’re absolutely right to feel this way.

View Quoted Comment I honestly don't care about having my hair and make up done. My whole thing is, I hired my sister to do my hair and makeup so I could avoid that cost for the wedding. I didn't expect any of my BMs to get their hair/makeup done professionally. I tried to keep it as budget friendly for them as possible since I know not everyone has funds to throw around all willy nilly just to be a BM.
The reason I am contemplating not saying anything is because this my husband's brothers soon to be wife. I don't want to strain my husband's relationship with his brother over something like this. But in the same token, it's insane that she (or they?) think it's ok to just make demands like this two weeks before the wedding. What happens when they have kids? Will they just make demands on the baby shower because no one told them that they don't get to dictate other people's funds?

It's an odd situation to be in because no one tells them when they are wrong because they are the "babies" of the group. My thought is - if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to be told when you're acting slightly insane. And it's not just this. There were supposed to be earrings involved that she was supposed to get for us. I got out of it because I am allergic to a lot of fashion jewelry. Well I found out from another BM that she didn't buy those earrings and instead told the BM to get the earrings on her own dime instead. So there's more to this than meets the eye. I was thinking of sending something like this but I don't want to start an issue: Hey. Sorry for the late response - for some reason I was under the impression that hair and makeup were being covered for us as a thank you. I apologize if I misunderstood. I just want to make sure I'm budgeting correctly - is there anything else that I need to keep in mind for the wedding? I have the dress, shoes, clutch, and I plan to bring a shawl or something in case it gets chilly. Also, do I bring a pic of the hairstyle and make up I want? I'm not sure how that works.


Honest opinions - do you think this will make it worse? Should I just shut the hell up and keep my opinion to themselves knowing full well that I will need to see them in the future? I can distance myself from her, but not from my brother in law since my husband and him are close and I will not stand in the way of that relationship.

****hired my sister to avoid the cost of hair and make up for MY OWN wedding. Not the upcoming wedding.

Also throwing out there - the funds for the hair and make up are coming directly out of their wedding gift.

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All you have to say is it was discussed that hair and make-up was going to be covered. I did not budget nor agree to paying $200 for these services. I apologize if there was a miscommunication, but I cannot afford it. Please let me know for the style and look you are going for and I will do my own hair and make up accordingly.

It's not your fault, and an sane adult would understand. $200 isn't pocket change to a lot of people. and if you didn't confirm you would be paying that's not on you.

It is worth mentioning. It doesn’t need to be a fight or you pushing back so much as just pointing out she didn’t give any warning and it’s a lot of money to be asked for last minute. Your mom says there’s nothing to gain from it, and that may be true FOR YOU. You can swing the money but are annoyed (I’d be in the same boat!). But there might be another bridesmaid for whom that kind of money on that notice is a *real* issue but who may also feel self conscious to say something. So I view mentioning it as standing up for the group. There’s also 2 kinds of brides (/zillas) — some won’t care, but another one might realize the error of their ways and try to find a solution. Even if she can’t afford to cover you all, she might be able to split or compromise and all of that would be better !

I would simply say, "Oh, there must have been a mix-up in communication. I was under the impression you had offered to pay for xx, but if that's not the case I think I'll pass on the services!"

You should absolutely say something. It shouldn't strain your relationship, and if something that simple does, she doesn't have any business asking you to be her guest of honor, anyway.

This is a tough one. Part of me wants to agree with Janet, Bailey, and others, as I view that as the absolute best course of action for you, and not considering the potential family implications. The other part of me wants to agree with sending the text you mentioned in your follow-up post...EXCEPT I would not ask if there's anything else that you need to budget for. Because if you ask, you open yourself up to her saying "well, actually, yeah, you need to pay for X, Y, and Z." Like, if she's pulling this stunt with the hair/makeup (and, from the sounds of it, jewelry too) I can imagine her mentioning "oh, and I'm ordering sandwiches for everyone, so you owe me the cost of your sandwich. And chip in for mimosas. And this. And that." INSTEAD, I would say "Unfortunately, this maxes out my budget for the wedding, so please call me if anything else comes up, and we'll work together on how to get those issues solved." AKA don't dump any more nonsense expenses on me because I'm not having it, and it won't get paid for by me!!

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I think this is a good move. Maybe she said she'd cover hair and makeup before she worked out the costs, maybe you and the other bridesmaid misinterpreted something, or maybe there's some other explanation, but I think gently expressing yourself like this is the way to go. If it was an honest mistake then either she'll try to fix it or she'll go full-on bridezilla and show her true colors. But starting an argument 2 weeks from the wedding isn't going to reflect well on you (regardless of how warranted it may be), especially since she's going to be family, and it likely won't solve anything either.

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This is exactly what I would do. Almost act confused and like it's no big deal. "oops I thought you said you were covering, if not I won't be able to use the service. Can't wait to celebrate!"

Don't elaborate or "call her out". she knows it's rude and doesn't care. You dont' have to be rude back or anything, just politely decline.

I personally would bring it up but I may not be the best to give advice. I booked an expensive hair and makeup person and as a result am fully paying for it. I only asked them to buy their outfit and whatever shoes they plan to wear. I didn’t even tell them what to wear. I just gave a color and told them they can get whatever outfit they want that matches that as long as it was appropriate to our semi formal dress code for the wedding (it could’ve been a woman’s suit for all I cared)


For her to demand $200, without a discussion, last minute like that is rude and shows that she won’t hesitate to make demands like that in the future