Do bridesmaids chip in for the shower and bachelorette?

I don’t think that’s asking for too much at all especially they might want to !

It is common (though not required) for the BP to chip in for these parties.

Honestly, I think they should all help out a little - could the ones who can't afford to pay a lot help you in time/organization?

Hosting the shower and bachelorette party is part of the duties of a bridesmaid. Yes they all chip in.

As for the shower, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. It all depends on who is hosting the shower. My bridesmaids did not contribute to the cost of my shower because they were not the ones hosting it and it wasn't necessary. For the bachelorette however, yes the bridesmaids almost always chip in, from my understanding.

Well, as far as the shower goes I think it’s only if they offer. But as far as the bachelorette party goes, yeah definitely. In my personal experience people usually just pay for themselves and then everyone chips in for the bride, unless it’s a destination bachelorette party in which case you’d typically be responsible to pay your flight unless someone offers or they offer. But honestly there’s really no written rules this is just what I’ve observed and experienced of the bridal parties that I’ve been in in the past.

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Oh absolutely! All have said they would help decorate and set things up!

I don’t think it’s asking too much. I helped pay for the bachelorette weekend when I was a bridesmaid this most recent time. Her mom and matron of honor hosted the shower and never asked for a contribution, but my mom & I stayed and helped clean up everything. I was also there for every minute of decorating the wedding and reception sites and there to clean it all up as well. So if they’re unable to contribute monetarily, then maybe there’s another way they could help out.

I always thought the the bridesmaids are supposed to assist the MOH in planning these things, so I don’t think it’s too much to ask. But I feel like you will always run into a situation where at least one of them doesn’t feel like they can’t afford it. So maybe they can contribute in another way?

By me it's typical for the bridal party to split the costs. With that being said, the planning usually includes the whole bridal party. I would ask each girl individually and privately what her budget is and make sure everything is within that lowest number.

They absolutely should help. That doesn’t mean they will, though. You cannot count on them unless you’ve previously discussed it, and sometimes, not even then. I would run figures by then and see what they say. As bridesmaids, they are supposed to help you with the shower, bachelorette, support the bride, and give a gift. It’s not one or the other. If they really can’t afford to help, that’s one thing. If they can just don’t want to, it’s another thing entirely. By now, most people should know the expectations of saying yes to being in a wedding.

I’m planning a friend’s shower (although I’m not the MOH - she can’t do it) and communication has been difficult. The bride is having the same issue, though. They seem to just want to participate in things and not help with any of it. Only the MOH and I have even ordered our dresses.

Not asking for too much orginal they should

From what I know is customary is that for the bachelorette the cost is divided between all attending parties (for example we are going away for the weekend for mine and all the girls will be sharing the cost, bridesmaid or not, if you want to come you pay your way).
Showers have tended to be simpler and are usually paid for by the MOH but I definitely don’t think it’s an issue in asking the BMs to chip in.

They should help, but you should discuss budget with them BEFORE you ask for money. Since you are the one planning it, it is not okay to ask for money unless they are in agreement first. You can't go throw some super expensive party without their approval then ask for money.

I don’t think there’s any “should” regarding a shower— anyone can host it and whoever volunteers to host it is responsible for it. Great if someone else offers to help, no issue accepting money or other contributions if offered, but I don’t think there’s an expectation of it. My shower, my BP helped decorate and plan games but didn’t contribute money as they weren’t the hosts. My mom and aunt offered to host. (My mom handled the food and my aunt handled the desserts). If I was in a bridal party I might not mind chipping in but only if it was pre-discussed, I would NOT be cool with someone else planning the party and then them coming to me looking for a monetary contribution. If I offered something and we planned around my offer— cool. If I didn’t and wasn’t part of the planning but someone still came to me with a bill? Not cool.


Bachelorette I think is totally different. That’s a shared party and I think everyone that attends should be responsible for assuming some of the cost ! Again, dollars and cents and plans should all be pre-discussed. But, I would ALWAYS presume I would be paying my way (and contributing to bride’s) if I was going to a bachelorette party. I think it’s important to discuss budget with participants and factor that into plans , and understand that some people may choose not to attend because of expense and that’s okay. But to me the expectation is vastly different here — I don’t think of a bachelorette at a hosted party but rather a group event. Often times someone may end up with the lion’s share of specific expenses (decor, as an example), but if there are activities (dinner, as an example), the expectation is that everyone should be paying for themselves!

The bridesmaids should chip in for both the bridal shower and the Bach party. That being said, the MOH title always seems to hit the bank account more.
Hopefully you can get some of the other ladies to assist financially a little more than just the present from all the girls.

Since these parties aren't required from the BMs, they can pitch in, but shouldn't be expected to. I would just throw it in a group chat and say something along the lines of "I'm putting together the last details for the shower, let me know if you want to be involved in the planning, and if you have some flexibility to pitch in with the budget I would really appreciate it, but I understand if not."

Any close female friend or family who is invited to the wedding, may volunteer to give a shower. It is not the job of the MOH or BM. Often they choose to do it. But when a group of people all volunteer to give a shower, whether a wedding party, or 1 MOH, 1 aunt and 1 friend not in WP, all a have a say in the planning. It is considered highly rude for one person to plan something, then expect others to chip in . People from too far to easily travel, usually more than a couple hours drive, usually do not attend or contribute to the lesser parties, the shower and bachelorette. At this point, you seem to have acted like the sole hostess of the shower. Someone may chip in, but do not expect it. If you do this another time, start by talking with others about co-hosting, whether WP, relatives, or friends. When they have equal decision making power, starting with setting a budget all can manage, they split the bill.

Bridesmaids should definitely chip in.