Dealing with late rsvp responses

Typically you reach out to any guests who have not RSVPed after the deadline has passed and collect their responses. If you call folks and they don’t respond, then you can mark them as a no. But if they are reaching out to you, I would absolutely just update the RSVPs accordingly.

Have you given your final counts yet to your caterer and venue? If not, I would allow them to attend. They might have been trying to figure out their schedule to see if they could attend, or might have been busy with other things and the RSVP fell off their radar. It's so frustrating when people don't reply by the requested date, but being unforgiving doesn't help in this scenario, and may instead harm your relationships with them going forward. I would also recommend following up with every person you haven't heard back from yet - no response doesn't necessarily mean they weren't planning to attend. It'd be bad to make an assumption that they won't be there and not plan for food for them, and then they show up. You could send them a message along the lines of, "Our RSVP deadline has passed, and we're putting together our final numbers for our wedding. We have not heard back from you yet - can you please RSVP as soon as possible? If we don't hear from you by [date], we will assume that you are not attending." That way, they know it's their final opportunity to reply if they want to attend.

If you haven’t given final count to your caterers, etc., then I would just mark them as a yes

This goes with the territory for any wedding. With five weeks you had plenty of time. Few caterers if any actually require final numbers that far in advance. It would be very petty to disinvite people at this point. In addition, it was not appropriate to send that reminder a week ahead of the RSVP. Typically you would wait for the deadline to pass before starting to contact people.

Reminders should not have been given prior to the due date. On the date of the reply, after all other replies are tallied, then you start in calling those who have not replied that same evening. Don’t hang up until they confirm yes or no. If they don’t reply to an online box, they’re not going to call back when you leave a message. The call list should not take more than 2-3 days to reach out to everyone. 5 weeks to reply is more than generous because the standard 4 weeks works for a reason. Unless they specifically tell you no, then work with the assumption that they will attend. Uninviting them makes you look petty and unkind. Keep in mind that not everyone is taught etiquette by their parents, and even those who are feel that the pandemic made it irrelevant everywhere.

I totally get where your thinking was coming from and the anxiety that comes from not having RSVPs. I disagree with Michelle and CM.. it's your day, if it was going to help quell your anxiety by sending the text prior to the RSVP date, then I'm all for doing whatever alleviate some stress. Assuming that the majority of people that didn't respond are friends/family because they're invited to your big day, I'm sure they understood why you sent a text trying to seek confirmation prior to the RSVP date.

That being said, I do agree that if you haven't already given your numbers to the caterer or venue, I would absolutely let the guests come! I'm VERY type A so while I don't understand and can't imagine RSVPing after the date, other people aren't the same and the day is supposed to be about having a good time and people coming together to celebrate you and your future spouse and I think letting them come would be the best way to do that.

Good luck!