Dad's girlfriend

It would be really really rude not to invite your dad's spouse to your wedding. You can't really ask him to come celebrate your union while you're ignoring and disrespecting his. This issue isn't on your dad to uninvite her, of course he thought she was included.

If you want to uninvite her, you'll need to call them both and let them know she's not welcome. I would expect your dad to decline the invitation.

At the end of the day, unless she's paying your mom doesn't get a say in your guest list. Only you can really make that call. If she or your dad are contributing to the wedding that changes a lot because often money comes with strings.

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If she was my dad's spouse I would have included her without a second thought. I also would respected their union, if they had one. She is still my dad's girlfriend only because she doesn't want to pick a date or even have the conversation with him (I think she has someone on the side, but that's none of my biz). I think my dad would respect my wishes rather then skip his only daughter's wedding, but people do turn crazy during this process. As far as funding it is just FH and I paying for everything so neither of them can honestly have a say on what we want. After speaking to my best friend as well, it seem like I will be sucking it up .

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Them not being married is just semantics. They've been together for 20 years. If my "boyfriend" of 20 years wasn't invited to a wedding, I wouldn't go either. For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing.

Do you have a connection with all the other spouses/significant others apart from regular pleasantries? She's been in his and your life for 20 years. I get that not every situation isn't black and white, but it has been 20 years and your mom still holds this much resentment and anger. She is your dads family. A piece of paper doesn't change that.

View Quoted Comment Yes I do have connections with the other people. I think the reason my mom feels that way because of how she treats him. For example when my dad’s car broke down he asked her if he could fix and use her car that had been sitting for about three month, as soon as he fixed it she wanted it back so her coworker could use it. I wouldn’t say she has been IN my life for 20 years, because she has never been there for me. Like when i had my first child, she wanted my dad and her to go on a group trip to Australia. A piece of paperwork wouldn’t change anything if they had one.

Whether you or your mom like this woman it doesn't really matter. She is your dad's partner. You don't have to like that but you do need to respect it especially if you are expecting your father to be at your wedding. It would be like telling that your fiancé isn't welcome to a wedding that you are invited to.

Disinviting her would make you a pawn in your Mom's game. It's extremely petty for you to downplay your father's life and loved ones because your Mom can't handle a 20 year divorce. How embarrassing your Dad has to call you to check on your manners

View Quoted Comment Wait how did I say I was disrespectful to my dad’s girlfriend? Just because we don’t have a connection doesn’t mean I’m rude to her. Just to make it more understandable, just because my mom doesn’t like mean I don’t like her. I just don’t have a connection with her because she has never came around nor invited my brother or I to any activities she invited my dad to.

View Quoted Comment I do agree with the playing the pawn in my moms game part.

It was incredibly rude for you not to invite a GF of 20 years in the first place. You owe your father an apology there as this shouldn't have even been a question. How she treats your father is none of your business and it's certainly not your mother's.

View Quoted Comment I don't think it was me that used the word "disrespectful", but intentionally not inviting one half of a romantic partnership creates intentional harm and does convey to your Dad (at minimum) that you are disparaging his relationship which actually is your Mom's vindictive intent. Wedding etiquette requires the Gracious Host to invite both parties. Just tell Mom these are the rules, and change the subject if she tries to manipulate you further.

View Quoted Comment Not inviting your father’s partner of 20 years was the part that was disrespectful. They were apparently willing to overlook that and accept that she was intended to be invited. You and your mom should both accept that and not stir up the pot more.

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I was the one that said disrespectful. You didn't say you're disrespectful, I said it's disrespectful to invite one person in a relationship and not the other. You don't get to judge the validity of someone's relationship. If they are together she should be invited. It sounds like your dad expects her to be invited, so to him the relationship merits an invitation for her.

View Quoted Comment Well I didn’t want to because of the way she treats him but I respect them choosing each other as companions. However since he told me she wasn’t going and that they are no longer together it won’t have to be on my mind anymore.

View Quoted Comment Dang, your father and his girlfriend of over 20 years broke up right after they called to confirm the girlfriend was invited to your wedding? Wild.


I will jump in and agree that marital status doesn't mean anything for legitimacy of a relationship. My aunt and uncle were dating when my parents got married... and they were still dating ~30 years later at my wedding. They finally got married in the last couple years in their late 60s for the legal benefits that come with aging partners, property inheritance, and visitation rights if one became seriously ill. Until that point, though, they were always a package deal.

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I guess we'll see if they are really broken up, I just know my dad was pissed with her for asking for her back so her coworker could use it. Mind you this is after he fixed her car to use while his truck gets fix, from my understanding the car had been on the side of the street for 3 month. Last time they got into an argument on this sort of level it was because she wouldn't let him move in with her due to his lease was up. Even though he was payment her $650 for stay for a few night. I understand that it is her car and she can do what she pleases but if your going to be partners with someone shouldn't you help them out when they need it?

Maybe that's where I am taking this in a different point of view, even though they have been together for some time they don't do things that a "package deal couple". For example, they have been together for 20 years but she didn't want him to go to her fathers funeral or mother's 80's birthday.