Dad given months to live after engagement

You can check with your fiancé's family too. It would seem good to do a family-only ceremony and gathering. It would not seem likely your dad would want you to stop planning anything. He certainly is hoping the best for you.

Maybe you could do two stages. The ceremony and family gathering in short notice and doing a reception later. But you may not be able to stay focused on planning unless someone is helping with much of that effort.

Firstly, I am so sorry and feel for you during this difficult time. My own father battled with cancer for many years and I experienced the joy of having him give his blessing when my fiance asked for my hand last Father's Day. We were and still are in the process of getting his visa approved and we had no idea how much time we had with him. As someone who was always intensely close to dad, I really wanted him to be involved in the ceremony. Sadly, he passed away in December.

I can completely empathize with the desire to speed things up or to even postpone/cancel so as not to feel selfish or self-involved. But here's the thing, as you probably know with people in late-stage cancer: any kind of comfort can be very hard to come by. Perhaps he struggles to eat as my dad did for the last 9+ months of his life, so that dinners were always wraught with an underlying feeling of guilt. Simple outings or get-togethers required frequent rest periods. Sometimes dad had to leave for an hour or two to take a nap. Even keeping things low key oftentimes was extremely uncomfortable for him.

If I were in your shoes and finding that dad's journey was coinciding deeper with the planning stages of a wedding, I think I would incorporate updates and advice in regards to planning with him into the regular visits you perhaps are already having. There's a lot of positives to come from this approach: he can look forward to your big day, perhaps giving him both peace and resolve to keep fighting. You can also take his recommendations to heart, and find a gateway to deeper conversations with him before he goes. That's the weirdest blessing of having someone close to you who is terminal. You do get time to plan, and say your goodbyes. Reassuring dad I was going to be okay was a gift unto itself.

Ultimately, I now have to plan the wedding without him. I'll never know the joys of having him see me in my dress or walk me down the aisle. But also, as the latter part of the year progressed I also started to realize even before he died, that those things may not have been possible, just based on how he was holding up. He passed peacefully in his home, surrounded by all of us, and I find comfort in knowing that my wedding was not a discomfort to him.

He will still be with me, in many ways. I ordered two small pendants off of Etsy, one to contain some of his ashes and another with a saying to remind me that he is always close to me, even on the big day. It's going to hang from my bouquet, and we will still walk together. I hope whatever your plans are, that you keep to normalcy and allow your heart to fill with joy. If your dad's anything like mine, he'd want that for you. Much love.

It is so hard and confusing to go through some of life's saddest and happiest moments at the same time. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Sending you a huge hug.


Something very similar happened to my best friend she had her wedding all booked and planned for the fall and by June it became very clear her dad s cancer worsened and he didn't have much time. At first she was very hesitant to change the plan because she felt like pushing the wedding up was giving up on her dad and it was so hard to admit he was that ill. But after a long heart to heart with her dad she realized how important it was to her that he saw her marry her love. We threw together a wedding in her parents front yard in like week maybe 2. Her dad's friend was a judge so he married them , the bride and grooms immediate families were there the best man and the maid of honor ( none of the rest of the bridal party was present) the rest of the guest list was anyone her dad wanted to see one last time, it was maybe 30 people max. Her wedding dress wasn't ready yet so we went to a department store and bought a short fun Lacey White dress ( which she ended up wearing again I can't remember if it was her rehearsal dress or late night reception dress at the fall wedding) she had her hair and makeup trials that morning, ordered take out from her dad's favorite restaurant and picked up desserts from a local bakery . The best man's girl friend dabbled in photography so she took pictures. It was small intimate and by far the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended. Her dad passed very shortly after, since everything was booked they had the bigger wedding in the fall. She Cherishes those photos with her dad and he gave the sweetest of toasts that night. He was very frail but it meant so much to him to be apart of it.

My advice if you want your dad there and he is in agreement get legally married now even if it's just in your parents living room and make sure you have someone there taking lots of photos. You can still do a big wedding later if you want to, your loved ones will understand (and if they don't well that's a them issue) . Wishing you and your family all the best . And remember even though it's a sad time you are allowed to feel the happiness of your engagement. Congrats to you. So much love ❤️

I'm so sorry for what you, your dad, and your family are going through right now. In your place I'd get married with immediate family present asap, and postpone a delayed celebration/ celebration of marriage/anniversary party. Best wishes to you and congratulations on your engagement.

I agree with what others have said about having a small ceremony with family sooner, and then having your big reception on your original date. You might consider a small backyard ceremony so your dad doesn't have to travel. I got engaged in September 2023 and my dad passed away very unexpectedly in November. It has been devastating for me and at the time I didn't think I wanted to go through with the wedding which is now two weeks away on May 11th. I was not in a good place for several months and basically put everything on hold, but ultimately realized that his greatest joy would be for me to have this wedding. I am finally now able to feel some excitement and happiness about the wedding, but I will say it hurts a lot knowing my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle. For that reason, I would recommend having the small ceremony with him so you can always have that memory of sharing such a special moment together. It will be hard for a while but I do think that by the time November rolls around you will also be able to feel the joy related to your celebration. Sending hugs!