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Aaleena
Savvy July 2020

Court marriage and then big formal wedding later? Sorry really long!

Aaleena, on December 22, 2019 at 11:18 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 35
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My boyfriend and I got married two days ago at the courthouse. I really really wanted to have a big wedding and celebrate with all of my friends and family but it got complicated. You see his family lives in a different country and half of my family lives in different countries and states in the US. This year his parents tried getting their visas but they were denied, but he thought that perhaps marrying each other sooner would help them get their visas for traveling. h So we decided to get a marriage license. I didn’t want to tell anyone or make it a big deal. I was just going to not say anything and make it seem to everyone that in a couple of years it would be our “real wedding day” but I’m bummed because my parents who can’t keep a secret told all of my close family that we got married 🙄🥺 i am sad for a few reasons 1) my now husbands family isn’t here so i didn’t really want to do anything special without them present. 2) my cousins aren’t here either 3) I feel like some people will not make it a priority to come, to celebrate this special occasion with us in the future because it’s not “our real wedding day” or they could perceive it in the wrong way. 4) I really wanted to have a “real” wedding, not because of gifts but to celebrate with all of our loved ones and honor family cultural traditions. My question would it be bad to have another ceremony and party later. Would you attend?

35 Comments

Latest activity by Aaleena, on December 25, 2019 at 4:41 PM
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Totally fine! But technically it’s a vow renewal since you’re already married. But feel free to wear a white dress, have a ceremony, party reception, wedding cake, etc. 🎉
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  • Fany
    Devoted October 2021
    Fany ·
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    I would if it was an immediate familt member or my bestie.
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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    Yes I agree... I just don’t want it to feel like a sham.. I mean most of my cousins would come anyway but on the invitation should I say wedding or vowel renewal I don’t want my extended family that doesn’t know to think it’s any less important because it is very important for me to have them there.
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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    Thank you for responding🙂
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I would put vow renewal because it could cause issues to lie about it and there’s no reason to hide it. Your close friends & family would love to attend your wedding celebration—from ceremony to reception and party! You can always tell your favorite guests your story and I’m sure they’d love support you both plus it’s a time for families to get to know each other. 💕
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    You’re very much welcome! 🤗
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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2020
    Elizabeth ·
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    My fiancé and I just did the same thing. We got married on Thanksgiving this year and are having a ceremony next October. We are keeping it a secret from our friends and family for the fact that we want people to come and not feel like they don’t have to because we already are married.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It's completely fine to have a vow renewal later on, but you should stop trying to lie and hide things from your family. It would be extremely hurtful to attend a "wedding" only to find out that the couple has actually been married for years and lying to you about it.

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    I think that's 100% fine!! I had some friends that got married at the courthouse last December for logistical reasons and then saved the last year and a half for a wedding. We'll be attending that in May! Don't feel like you can't have your day, you totally canSmiley smile

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  • vttn
    Dedicated May 2020
    vttn ·
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    I personally don't think that it's a lie to call the big formal party your wedding. The meaning of wedding varies from person to person. A legal wedding is simply signing a contract with the government. The more official and meaning wedding for me is the one where I put on a beautiful dress and say my vows in front of the people I care about, and have a big celebration afterwards.

    Maybe I have this point of view because where I'm from in Vietnam, when the couple go to the government office and sign the paper, then they are legally married. But the "real" wedding for us will be on a different day when we do the ceremony and reception. If someone does elopement, they are not considered married by the people around them because there was no reception lol

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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    Awesome thank you so much for your encouragement 😊
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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    Yes I think that too some people would argue and say it’s a “wedding” but to me it really didn’t feel like one it was just signing a piece of paper plus almost all of my close family knows we are technically married now but they understand that I will have a “wedding” in two years because they all live abroad. I suppose it can also be considered a vowel renewal but I don’t want to have that on my invitation or the word wedding on my invitation. I was thinking of putting “ please come celebrate our marriage with us” and our names. What does everyone think? Also I’m with you for this, because I’m Indian and Mexican so our cultures are more similar Smiley smile
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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    Yes that’s true either way I think it’s important not to get to hung up on what I call it. I was thinking about putting “celebration of marriage” or something like that on our invitation.
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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    What do all of you think about my idea??
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  • vttn
    Dedicated May 2020
    vttn ·
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    That's a great idea maybe I will use that wording for my invitation too! Yeah I don't want to say vow renewal because then I feel like I don't get to have a wedding (just straight from government signing to vow renewal)

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I would probably call it vow renewal because then guests would know they get to witness a ceremony too (or you could put “ceremony/vow renewal & reception” in smaller print on the card). There are some guests who have just a reception. Guests might like to know you’re offering the whole thing. 😍
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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    I like that too thanks! Smiley smile 💕
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Whoops! I meant there are some COUPLES who just have a reception and “celebration of marriage” might suggest reception-only.
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  • Springbride
    Dedicated 0000
    Springbride ·
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    Do it! my sister got married at a court house and wants to have a ceremony and formal reception in a year or two. The people who love you will be there to celebrate with you!

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  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
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    You guys are so sweet! All of you I saw old boards from other apps and brides were getting judged so bad because of these questions. Thanks for being so encouraging Smiley smile 💕😊
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