Couples shower?

Any kind of shower (bridal or couples) is usually held within three months before the wedding, and should be hosted by someone other than the couple getting married. If someone offers to host a couples shower for your October wedding, a good time to schedule it would be for anywhere between July and October. A similar story for the bachelorette party - this should be hosted by someone other than the bride (the wedding party often offers to host this, but not always).


The difference between these two events is that a couples shower is a gift giving event, where people purchase gifts (usually using the couple's registry as a guide) for these to be opened during the event. This is often held during the day (could be a brunch, or in between lunch and dinner, etc), and there are usually little games for everyone to play (trivia about the couple's relationship, guess the number of M&M's in a jar, write marriage advice on a card, design a wedding dress using toilet paper, etc). A bachelorette party is an event for the friends of the bride to get together - either locally for an evening, or a weekend getaway - and celebrate. Gifts are optional, and this is usually held in the evening, but could also be a daytime event. Events could be whatever the group is interested in: doing a paint night, going out to bars, going to the beach, doing an escape room, etc.

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A shower is traditionally a low key, intimate gathering hosted by any friend or group of friends, a friend(s) of the family etc. More permissive etiquette sources permit family members to host, but never the guest or guests of honor. That would be considered self serving and gift grabbing. The purpose is to "shower" the bride to be with gifts, which are more modest than the wedding gift, typically practical items needed to set up a home as a new married couple. Guests are obligated to bring a gift if they attend a shower, one of the few times this is true. It's OK to have more than one shower if there are different offers to host as long as the guest list doesn't overlap.

Bachelorette parties were not a very big thing until relatively recently in the context of history. At most they were a fun night out on the town for local friends, not what they've morphed into these days. They became popular as an equal opportunity alternative to bachelor parties, some of which are in questionable taste due to the "last fling" theme that people associate them with, involving lots of drinking, strippers etc. Of course, not everyone is into all that and bachelorettes can be anything from just a fun day or evening out with friends to the (IMO unfortunate) trend of over the top, expensive, multi-day destination bachelorettes vacations that put pressure and strain on people's budgets and time.

Contrary to popular belief, attendance and participation in pre-wedding events is optional, including for the bridal party. Planning should be done in consultation and in consensus among those who have offered to host or co-host. Close friends often are involved, time, location, and budget permitting.

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